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Hardcore Lulzists: Part 3




Hardcore Lulzists: Part 3

Ghost and Hershey were crouched under one of the front windows. As the Sheriff shouted over the megaphone, employer and employee stared at each other.

"Did they change their name from Pacific recently?" Ghost pondered. "That's so strange... why would they change something like-"

By now, Hershey's face was as red as her hair.

"You bribed the wrong <censored>'ing Order you dumb <censored>! I pay you to do you job, not to jack off in the back and stick needles into your arms!"

Ghost expression was blank. He started,

"Yell at me later, we have more pressing concerns now."

Hershey's seething anger was quickly subdued, as she acknowledged the danger they were in.

"We're going to have to abandon this place." she nodded, "I'll get Cuba. Get ready to burn this joint down."

Hershey ran off towards the back.

"Cuba!" she shouted, "We gotta get out of here! We're loading as much tech as we can into the car, get going!"

Cuba was surprised, but nodded compliantly. Hershey continued.

"Stack as many boxes as you can carry by the side door. We're going to make a run for the car when Ghost gets back."

Meanwhile, Ghost ran to the bar and fumbled under the counter. He found a pack of cigars, and quickly lit one to steady his hands. As he inhaled the smoke, he began grabbing bottles of liquor and throwing them around the room.

"I'm almost done!" Yelled Ghost, "Get read-"

But as he was about throw the last bottle, a black van burst through the stage, rocking the building to it's core. Ghost was thrown off his feet and towards the floor. Wooden shrapnel sprayed across the inside of the building. Hershey and Cuba were thrown into the side wall.

"!@#$!" Hershey yelled, her right arm tattered and bruised. "Ghost, we need to get out of here!"

"I'm OK!" Ghost shouted back, "Take Cuba and go!"

Hershey paused, but burst out the side door a second later, carrying a box in her working arm. Cuba followed with four boxes, barreling down the alley towards the garage door. Out of the broken stage and flying debris, the S.W.A.T. personnel emerged from the black van, spraying the room in bullets. NpO officers simultaneously broke down the front door, swarming into the building.

The shooting stopped after 10 seconds, and Tywin made his way forward with a megaphone.

"Attention lulzist fiends!" he started, "If you have survived, our emperor will grace you with his mercy. Please come out slowly and put your hands in the air."

"I surrender, don't shoot!" Ghost yelled, behind the bar. He waived a white cleaning cloth over the counter, still ducking to avoid the hail of bullets.

"Hail there you scum!" Tywin yelled. "Come out with your hands in the air! The Honorable Emperor, Djaboo, of the New Polar Order, will accept your surrender!"

Ghost looked up at the ceiling. He felt a slight warmth on his leg. His cigar too managed to survive the attack, and he quickly took another puff and smiled. It was the first time he had felt anything since his tech addiction robbed him of his feelings years ago. With a quiet sigh, he put his hands in the air, the cigar in his mouth, and walked from behind the counter.

He turned the bar corner to see hundreds of officers, guns pointed directly his way. He couldn't help but break a smile.

"Even surrender does not rob you of your lulzist nature I see..." Tywin monologued, "yet fear not, the divine ways of our Emperor will help you see the light. You will see the flaws in your philosophy and come to see the truth of moral-ism and the order. You shall come with us-"

"I'm not coming with you," Ghost chuckled, "I just wanted to look cool in the end."

Ghost flicked back his head, his sunglasses rolling down from his hair to his eyes.

"It's time to sell off some infra."

"Shoot him!" Screamed Tywin, "Shoot that lulzist scum!"

Ghost quickly turned, throwing his cigar towards the back of the bar. Any other man would have been stopped by the hail of rifle fire, but Ghost couldn't feel a thing. His body riddled with holes, he watched the cigar sailed though the air towards the back of the bar. He laughed slowly, as warmth slowly gave way to cold.

A couple of cigar embers quickly roared into a fire, as thousands of dollars of shattered liquor lit up the floor like a candle. First the bar was engulfed, followed by the stage in seconds.

Tywin watched the fire through his goggles. He stared forlornly.

"I have failed my emperor..." he muttered. "...I will accept my death."

Tywin let the blaze overtake him, without so much as an utterance.


Outside, Sheriff Djaboo watched the blaze spread, clenching his binoculars as his officers fled the flame in panic.

"Call the Fire Department," he screamed, "tell them to bring the copter! We need those sons of <censored> alive!"

The corner of his eye caught a bright white light. Even through the roaring flame, he could hear the sound of an engine. Out of the alley way burst a bright red mustang. It burst through two cop cars, screeched left, and sped down Main street.

Djaboo scrambled to his radio.

"Suspects going down Main! Need 10 cars to pursue! "

He fumbled for his keys, finally starting the car. As he gave chase, he shouted back towards the panicked scene.

"Lieutenant Starfox is in charge until I get back!"

Behind the bright red mustang followed 10 sets of flashing lights, all speeding towards the outskirts of the city.


"Come in Double-O 8. Come in O-O-8. Respond. Come in O-O-8. Respond."

"This is Agent O-O-8."

"Where have you been Agent!? You've been off-grid for hours! What is the situation?"

"Come now C. You can't expect me to be in contact all the time. It would blow my cover darling."

"Situation report now."

"Aren't you going to ask me about my day? Surely you must be worried about the well-being of your best agent - "

"I swear to god Starfo-."

"Now now C, everything is fine, don't get rash and blow my cover.. It is all going according to plan. Agent O-O-8 out."

The blond, blue-eyed Lieutenant put down his phone, watching the panicked scene with amusement.

"Their plan was surprisingly good. I was worried for a minute there..." he chuckled, slowly walking towards the blaze.

"Well, I suppose it's time we start things up. God save the queen, hail Mi6."



Recommended Comments

These are great. Keep 'em coming.

"Yell at me later, we have more pressing concerns now."

I need to start using this in everyday life.

At least I died killing Tywin... D:

Who says you're gone for good? This'd be the perfect back story for how you could come back as, y'know, a Ghost.

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"Tywin watched the fire through his goggles. He stared forlornly." These are great.

What year is the Mustang? I'm picturing a '71.

Yep, a '71 Mach 1.

I watched Diamonds are Forever the day before I wrote Chapter 1, so there you go.

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