When Costs Become Too High

Entry posted by Salmia July 10, 2011

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There are moments in life where we regret the actions we've taken, when we hurt those we know most. When you end up staring, wondering where did you go wrong at the emptiness at your hands, knowing you've cost yourself a friend. There are always these moments in life and I imagine I will have them again but the same mistake - when you don't learn from it, what kind of life is that?

I have never understood people who don't learn from their mistakes, doom themselves to repeat patterns to life, as if they want to intentionally torture themselves. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is look in the mirror and wonder where is under there, the dark and the bad as well as the good, striving to fix that which can be fixed. Life can be unpredictable but it hurts the most when you yourself cost something.

Something built off feeding off each other, miscommunication and you wonder if you had done something different in that one last moment, said anything it'd mean anything. Sometimes the gap grows so wide, you see only the pain and nothing left behind until the pain passes and when you've done the action, contributed to it, you can only feel it twicefold when it is someone you've managed to hurt and care for. Sometimes you don't get another chance - and you can't blame anyone for that.

Patterns.. they're funny things until broken by a catalyst of one person who can change everything even after they walk away and continue to change that person even after the word goodbye has been uttered. We all have regrets, some bigger than others.

The hardest ones to bear are the ones inflicted upon ourselves that hurt others, causing them to believe the worse in you, causing their pain to amplify and you have nothing left to offer but your word. And even then you know it is not fair at all.

But change is only something that comes within.

So time is a fickle thing that passes by and can pass dreadfully slowly making each throb hurt more or making it eventually ease to slight twinge. Only thing I know about patterns is somewhere along the line they have to be broken.