I actually wrote this (a slightly different version) on my Facebook page a while back, so I decided to bring it over here.
Santa Claus is Coming to town: Santa is a stalker...and possibly a pedophile too.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Rudolph needs to lay off the cocaine.
Baby It’s Cold Outside: Someone is getting roofied ("Say, what's in this drink?").
White Christmas: More cocaine
Greensleeves: Snotty clothing (quite unsanitary)
Angels We Have Heard on High: Sounds like someone has LSD issues. Seriously, get help.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: YOUR MOTHER IS A WHORE!!!
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow: Yet again, more cocaine (noticing a pattern?)
Silver Bells: What do you think? Yeah, gross, isn't it?