I play another online game rather a lot. On that game, I'm a server admin.
Tonight, one of my fellow admins confided in me that he had 'taken a fit' the other day. He went to the hospital, where they found three tumors in his brain.
These were actually secondary tumors. He actually has lung cancer.
Like me, he's forty-four years old. Unlike me, he has never smoked. (I quit a year ago, and think about it damn near every day. God, I miss it.)
So we talked on TeamSpeak....for about an hour or so. And then another player joined the TS server so we had to make small talk about other things.
I just sent him a PM. It's not all that relevant to CN. In fact, it isn't relevant at all to the typical CN demographic, but if only to give you a sense of the guy behind the walrus exterior....
For what it's worth, my prayers -- well, you know, when I offer them and all :oops: -- are with you.
I really don't know what else to say. Life has handed you a plate of !@#$ and you're supposed to say, "Yum, it's delicious!" I mean....seriously....what the hell is up with that????
In my own case, I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C in 2000. In 2002, I was given three years to live. (Turns out I'd contracted it sometime in the late 1970s, courtesy of a blood transfusion during emergency surgery....but wasn't diagnosed until >20 years later.) And yet....here I am. As of right now, the virus is gone. I'm told there's about a 1/20 chance it can come back unannounced. I figure I have about the same odds of dying from something else in the meantime.
I'm not going to lie to you or pretend that your situation isn't worse than mine is/was. Yours is considerably worse, and I think you know it. You've probably already looked up information on the 'Net, and have found out 'five year survival rates' and all the other gruesome statistics associated with you particular 'brand' of cancer.
The good news is that neither you nor I have to worry about footing the bills for any treatment. (God bless the NHS!)
The fact that health care is 'free' doesn't mean you just have to sit back and wait. I don't know how your government health care works, but if it's anything like ours....the person who yells the loudest gets treated first. Never be afraid to ask your specialist if there's something else that can be done, if something can be sped up or what have you....
The more you insist on getting to the front of the line, the better the chance that you'll actually get there. (If that makes sense.)
As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Well, now's the time to squeak, my friend.
No doubt you'll have to go through a whole lot of nasty medical treatments. About those....all I can say is that, having gone through a kind of chemotherapy in the past, assume from the beginning that it's absolutely going to be the worst thing you've ever endured in your life. That way, if it's not too bad, you can congratulate yourself on having withstood it without too much complaining. (Again....this is the voice of experience.) And if it's !@#$@#$ horrible, as mine was, at least you'll be ready for it.
Don't be shy. If you catch me online and just want to talk, know that you've got a sympathetic ear on the other side of 'the Pond'. And failing that, you can just send me rambling private message upon rambling private message.
You're going to get a lot of people telling you to 'think positive' and all that. Sure....do that. But do yourself a favor and always be aware of the realities of your situation.
When I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C, I told a good friend of mine. This is a guy who, when he was in his early 20s, was in a car accident. He hit a moose while driving a sports car. He broke its legs, and the moose slid up the front of his car, went through the windscreen, and broke his spine. He is paralyzed from the middle of his back down. His arms work, but they work like flippers. Not arms. (If that makes sense.)
What he said to me is this....
"I try to be positive. I really do. But the fact is that no matter how positive I am, I'm in this chair. I can be as positive as I can, but I'm still in this chair. I do everything I can, but I'm still in this chair."
That sounds rather pessimistic in the telling, but the fact is that he was just warning me against the kind of 'think positive' nonsense doctors/nurses/etc. like to dole out.
Yes....THINK POSITIVE. But keep your feet on the ground. At the end of the day, it may not make you happier, but at least you'll know that you're dealing with reality, and not drifting into fantasy.
God, that sounds awful when I read it....but I think you know what I'm trying to say.
Take care of yourself, brother. Know that if you ever want to talk, I'm here. Sure, I'm just some random guy in an online game, but in some ways that might make me easier to talk to. If nothing else, I won't show up at your door in the middle of the night yelling, "Hey! Are you OK?"
That and....I've been there. I've sat with my son in my arms, crying as I wondered if I would get to see him grow up. It's scary as hell, and the hardest thing in the world is trying to imagine if anyone else has felt the same way.
Just know that you're not alone. OK?
See you online.
PS: Just look at the image in my signature. We're all Kermit, and 'Life' is the guy in the pickup truck.
Life blows, kids. But that's no reason to take it for granted.
Oh, and btw....the image in my sig on this particular game forum: