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Salomäki: "Let Him Go."

SYKTYVKAR - all it took to end a bitter rogue campaign against an alliance that has garnered a bit of a reputation for attacking others randomly was three words.

Jarkko Salomäki returned late last night after having gone to TOOL War Command in the nation of Dodoboots. The nation of Philantia, who had attacked NorsaLan without provocation and continually baited TOOL members who came to that nation's defence, is finally at peace officially, although a ceasefire had been declared two days earlier when the nation's brash leader, President Hyland, finally admitted that he was at fault.

Although there were rumblings of reparations being asked, an absent Dodoei123 had set the Uralican leader a text message stating what he wanted done.

"My orders were clear," said the Uralican leader. "Dodo felt he had learned enough of a lesson from the beating he took, so I went to TWC and gave a simple three-word order. 'Let him go.' And the order was followed."

The TOOL nations that counterattacked were Exarchy, Stachelstein, and FreeForAll, with Exarchy declaring official peace at the same time the ceasefire was negotiated.

When asked for comment on the alliance, Jarkko was a bit pessimistic.

"They aren't afraid to hit anyone," he said. "I mean heck, another one of their members is still in a war against an ICB member. If they keep this unchecked aggression up they'll be on the road to alliance-wide ZI in no time. But my orders are my orders. As long as they stay away from The Order and her allies, they have nothing to fear from me."

Deer Cause Chaos Near Nizhnevartovsk

NIZHNEVARTOVSK - Highway UH-35 had to be shut down between the easternmost suburbs of Nizhnevartovsk and the town of Izluchinsk, after a herd of deer "got uppity" and tried to cross the highway last night, causing a multiple-vehicle pileup on the eastbound lane and a couple fender-benders in the westbound lane.

Local highway maintenance foreman Gyarfas Szoladi was hardly impressed.

"Deer overpopulation is an issue in some parts of Uralica," he said. "Unfortunately, our area happens to be one of those parts. We have to install fences high enough to keep them off the main roads, because accidents like these really gnarl things up for people who live in the Vakh Valley area. I doubt the people in Izluchinsk were too thrilled that all the traffic was going down their main drag, either, especially with the speed limit being only fifty clicks... I figure this mess will take three or four days to sort out. There are no fatalities yet, but with a couple critical injuries involved, that could change."

16 people had to be hospitalized, including three with potentially life-threatening injuries.

"If that had been on Highway 1, there would have been instant fatalities for sure," Szoladi added. "The speed limit is higher, and there's more traffic. The reason things like this don't happen on the UH-1 is that either the road is raised too high, or there are high deer fences flanking the roadway."

Tourism

Twenty-Five Must-See Spots In Uralica

Representatives from TOOL Tourism and several other tourism boards got together to decide on the best tourist attractions in Uralica (which they also did with several other nations - all the results are searchable on www.robertiantourism.com), and they were "at pains" to come up with just 25, a comment that only a few countries got.

Anyway, here's the list in order.

1. Uralic Cultural Centre, Syktyvkar - This should go without saying. So many things to see and do here that you'd have to take three days just to get started.

2. Bolak Terminal, Kirov International Airport, Kirov - ever wanted to feel like you were in a video game? Get your picture taken in front of this sleek, futuristic airport terminal, that contains more shops than you could possibly imagine.

3. Kuik Tower, Uralican World Trade Centre, Syktyvkar - The tallest building in the Ural-Volga region, you can go check out the view from the top floor or go shopping in Uralica's largest singular store in the bottom four. Your choice.

4. The Ob-Bend Bridge, between Lapyt-Nank and Salyakharad - Uralica has an insane number of bridges, of which this one is the longest by far. Running diagonally across the Ob River and several small braids of the same, this engineering marvel offers an amazing view of both small cities. Best viewed in the summertime.

5. Virgin Komi Forests National Park - stretching across three counties (Central Uralica, Pechora, Northeast Uralica), this former UNESCO World Heritage Site is still the largest virgin forest in Europe at over thirty thousand square kilometres, as it seems even angsty Robertian politicians have avoided this area like the plague when conducting military operations. Any eco-tourist would be in seventh heaven if they visited this natural treasure.

6. Kesler Building, Yekaterinburg - Uralica's second-tallest building houses the Ural Mountains Stock Exchange's trading floor, as well as several financial offices. But it's the architecture that makes this beautiful modern building worth visiting.

7. Sheldomar Bolak Monument, Ukhta - why is it that Uralicans have named so much stuff after Sheldomar Bolak? Well, given their history as a CCC member under the rule of the same, it should surprise no one. Heck, their largest corporation was renamed after him!

8. Church of the Resurrection, Pazhga - Are you a Christian of any sort? Even if you aren't, this divinely-inspired monstrosity will leave you in awe with its exquisite stained-glass designs. Plus I've heard their Saturday and Sunday services (yes, in Uralica, some UEB Christians have their church on Saturday) are rockin'!

9. Filharmonia, Syktyvkar - one of the great music halls of the world, in a country practically obsessed with the sonic arts, the Filharmonia has hosted some amazing concerts over the years, with shows ranging from classical performances by the Uralican Symphony and Syktyvkar Philharmonic Orchestras to heavy metal concerts that can be heard for miles around.

10. Vyborg Castle, Viipuri - In spite of being under Russian rule from the mid-19th century to the foundation of Uralica, this castle has more of a Nordic flavour than a Slavic one, owing to the fact that Swedes built the thing and Finns were at one point the dominant ethnicity in the area. The centrepiece of perhaps Uralica's most picturesque city.

11. The Zaliv, Cheboksary - although Zaliv means "bay" in Russian, The Zaliv is universally understood in Uralica as being this artificially-created bay, beach, and general area of Cheboksary dedicated to summer fun.

12. Sysola Square, Uralica - where the Sysola and the Vychegda meet, across from the Uralic Cultural Centre, is the location of several important government buildings, such as the Tribal Council Chambers, Syktyvkar City Hall, and the former house of the Komi Tribal Board, as well as this treed square, which contains the "Founding Fathers And Mothers" statue, dedicated to some of the most important figures in Uralica's foundation. Figures that Meri Vanhanen, who came up with the concept of Uralica's flag, is the one holding the thing!

13. Tsykmä Open-Air Museum Complex, Tsykmä - the Hill Mari language and a bevy of tourist spots are what best defines the city of Tsykmä in western Mari El, which is actually the only major centre in Mari El on the Volga's south side. But none of these attractions is more fascinating than the open air museum complex, which has dozens of older but well kept up buildings and thousands of artisan tools on display.

14. Volga Narrows Bridge, Tsykmä - Another huge bridge in Uralica? Whooda thunk it? This is the link between Tsykmä and the rest of Mari El, but it is also important to Chuvashia as well. At the bridge's high point, one can actually see Cheboksary off in the distance. Cool!

15. The Galleria, Yoshkar-Ola - A restoration project done on the National Artistic Gallery of Mari El in 2008 and early 2009 resulted in a renaissance for Mari fine arts. Now called The Galleria, it is the largest single-building museum in Uralica, and also houses the largest collection of Mari-ethnic art in the world, bar none. Music and film lovers have sections for them as well, plus there is a large library in the Galleria as well.

16. Uralikan Yliopisto, Main Campus, Syktyvkar - Uralikan Yliopisto is widely regarded as the best Christian university in the Ural-Volga and among the best in the world. But it is also one of Syktyvkar's leading tourist attractions, believe it or not. The buildings are beautifully-designed in a variety of architectural styles, and the faculty and sessionals will sometimes hold free lectures on topics that interest tourists, such as architectural styles, recent Uralic history, and if you manage to get Jarkko Salomäki as your prof, perhaps even the phonology of Uralican Spoken Finnish.

17. Pier 2 Mall, Arkhangel'sk - one of the main aquatic points of ingress into Uralica is the Arkhangel'sk-Severodvinsk Combined Seaport, which also includes the small town of Tsiglomen' between them. But it is Arkhangel'sk's massive Pier 2 that is where a great many passenger ships end up docking, and as such it has one of Uralica's largest shopping centres right across the street from it.

18. TvinkiZavod, Chaykovsky - the city of Chaykovsky literally has a section of the city devoted to the manufacturing of a certain cream-filled pastry snack that is coveted by certain alliance leaders. And even though 70% of Uralican Twinkies are exported, the remaining 30% includes free samples included in the price of a tour of the place.

19. Vorkuta Gulag Memorial Museum/Kolpakov Square, Vorkuta - It's no secret to anyone who has visited Uralica that some of their more northerly cities started off as gulag camps, however this dark past is intentionally aired out "so that others may not repeat these tragic mistakes." This museum provides a fascinating and candid look into city history, whether it solemnly pays homage to those who died in the labour camp conditions or looks fondly upon the period where Vorkuta was a haven from similar oppression.

20. Novy Amkar Stadion, Perm' - footy anyone? Although the best teams in Uralica are in Kirov and Syktyvkar, the best stadium hands down is this amazing venue, which was rebuilt from the ground up when Perm' was rebuilt after being annexed. Not only is it an amazing atmosphere, but it stands as a symbol of a rejuvenated Perm' on the whole.

21. Pyotr Il'yich Tchaikovsky Homestead Museum, Votka - Tchaikovsky was one of the classical greats, often mentioned in the same breath as Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Bizet, and many of the great Masters. In Uralica, he is considered a national inspiration, and the fact that his homestead is so well kept up is a testament to this. Apparently the country's own master, Sirkka Numminen, goes here whenever she's suffering from writer's block!

22. Udmurt Museum of Culture and Arts, Izhevsk - after the Galleria in Yoshkar-Ola, this is the second-largest single-building museum in Uralica and also home to an amazing range of "Udmurt masterworks" and ethnographic material.

23. Arctic Circle Monument, Salyakharad - Salyakharad has the quirky distinction of being the largest (and perhaps the only) world centre located directly on the Arctic Circle, marked by an equally quirky monument.

24. New Surgut Bridge, Surgut - The world's longest single-tower cable-stayed bridge was rebuilt in 2009, and now serves as a key link along Highway UH-1. One sees the main city from the side when crossing the bridge, comparable to the Ironworkers' Memorial Second Narrows Bridge in Vancouver.

25. UralTek Games HQ, Nizhny Tagil - Nicknamed "Gaming Geeks' Paradise" for good reason. Playing the newest UTG releases in arcade-like stalls only costs as much as you want to put into it. This massive arcade also doubles as a hiring ground for alpha and beta testers, and is a great place to talk about new gaming ideas with UralTek designers. One of our writers spent about an hour and a half playing The Fear Factory: Return To The Frozen Gulag there. Fun times!

Sports

Get Out The Brooms - Two Second-Round Sweeps In Kurri Trophy

CSKA Kirov and HK Syktyvkar are through to the semifinals of the Kurri Trophy competition with ease. Now HK Syktyvkar had the tougher opponent, and if there were a such thing as a close sweep, this would be it - they won all but one game by only one goal. CSKA Kirov, on the other hand, made short work of HK Serov.

Elsewhere, HK Jokerit can wrap up their best-of-seven against Torpedo Murmansk tonight with a win, as they lead the series 3-1. However, it seems things are far from over for HK Sputnik and Usovuoren JKK. The Nizhny Tagil team blew a 4-1 lead to lose 5-4 in overtime, so the series is now tied at two games apiece.

First Managerial Sackings Of The Season

KOTLAS - It would appear Lokomotiv Kotlas has had enough. Manager Arno Masing has been given the boot after a 3-1-46 record with the team over three seasons. But football pundits from outside the country question this move, saying that the back office staff were too tight-fisted to allow Lokomotiv Kotlas to improve enough to compete.

Also gone is Arsenal Syktyvkar manager Kaspar Bykov, in a move that hardly surprised anyone.

"He had lost the players," said SiPS manager Teppo Kostamo. "And when you lose the players that quickly because of your questionable tactics, something's got to give."

Although FK Inta bench boss Milan Sorokin is rumoured to be on the block, Jarkko Salomäki doesn't think he'll be sacked earlier than the middle of the transfer window.

"FK Inta might be a losing team, but they still got sponsorship bonuses to come in," he said. "If anyone's leaving Inta, it'll be players. Because I have seen this guy's tactics, and they aren't bad. It's just that the players he has don't cut it, especially in the back end. I wouldn't be surprised to see them jump into the race for some of the talented lower-level players like [Csaba] Szalay."

Vorkuta Gives Udmurtiya A Scare

VORKUTA - Udmurtiya Izhevsk came in expecting a victory, but they didn't expect that it would take a stoppage-time game-winner to do so. A superb outing from both striker Yoel Pankov and right mid Grisha Makarov kept this one close. In fact, Vorkuta briefly had a 2-1 lead after Pankov's second goal, although Yaro Trifanov equalised within five minutes for the Vihreävalkoiset. The opener was scored by Ed Nyilas, while the winner was scored by Pyotr Varenkov.

"They aren't a team to be taken lightly," said manager Taras Zakhariyev. "That was a mistake we made early on, and we had a very close call because of the fact."

Recovering Metafraks Gubakha also gave Amkar Perm' a scare, only losing 2-1. SiPS, in the meantime, beat Dinamo Arkhangel'sk 3-1. Dinamo Kirov kept pace with a 4-0 win over FK Inta.