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Excerpts from the Uralican Daily News, 1 May 2010 Edition


Uralica

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Top Stories

Operation Mustavesi May Soon End

BELGRADO, DODOBOOTS - After being counterattacked by three TOOL nations, it seems the once-defiant President Hyland is now ready to talk peace.

The war with the Black Water Military Contracting alliance began on 28 April when the same Hyland ordered an unprovoked attack on the nation of NorsaLan. The counter took a "painfully long" time to come, but when it did, TOOL nations Exarchy, Stachelstein, and FreeForAll were up to the task.

At first, Hyland insisted what they were doing was not defence, simply because they declared war. This was laughed off by newly-appointed TOOL Lieutenant Jarkko Salomäki, who called this insistence "the ramblings of someone who has no knowledge of proper Robertian politics."

But now, with the nation reduced to half of what it was before, the people in anarchy, and the monetary resources of the nation running out, Hyland has finally agreed to try to reach terms with TOOL Hand of War Dodoei123, and the leaders of all belligerents involved - that is, Norsalan, the three attacking TOOL nations, Philantia, and Dodoboots - have met to do precisely that. In the meantime, a ceasefire has been declared.

Lots Of Red Tape Cut To Welcome Dozens Of New Cities

SYSERT - And just like that, the official number of Uralican cities almost doubled.

Several cities were made official within Uralica yesterday, with the largest of these being Sysert, Southeast Uralica, which is one of a growing number of rapidly-expanding bedroom communities to Greater Yekaterinburg. Two other communities in this category, Aramil and Bisert, also received their official city status.

There were other notable cities, for reasons other than sheer size. Some counties that had no cities at all fielded their first cities - among these was Pazhga, the "most religious city in Uralica" (which is saying something, as Uralica is indeed a Judaeo-Christian nation), Naryan-Mar, which boasts around three quarters of the population of Nenetsia-North Uralica county in its entirety, Troitsko-Pechorsk, which is often called "the gateway to the Virgin Komi Forests," Plesetsk, the namesake city of the closed Plesetsk Cosmodrome (which is actually technically in nearby Mirnyy), and Tráty, formerly known as Trakt, which was the location of the first Hungarian settlers in Uralica, and currently has the largest proportion of Hungarians of any major settlement in the country (but not the largest population, which is in Surgut, Yugra).

Finally, there was once city that just managed to make the 20 000 citizens needed to make it past the opening cut, which was Igrim, Yugra. Known as one of the true centres of Mansi culture, city status brings with it extra funding for the numerous Mansi-ethnographic museums in the city, not that they were underfunded to begin with!

Music

Music And Football Collide

PERM' - One could accuse End of Sorrows drummer Yoel Pushkaryov of leading a double life, and he'd be the first to agree. Not only is he a successful musician - he joins versatile-voiced bassist Kris Werner, in-your-face rhythm guitarist Sulo Riihijärvi, and virtuosic but humble lead guitarist Vladimir Parfenov in End of Sorrows, the Christian post-grunge supergroup - but he is also a semi-professional footballer, having a part-time contract with Porokhovoi Zavod Perm', which takes its name from a gunpowder factory in the Industrialnyy borough of the city.

"I don't actually work in this factory," Pushkaryov said in an interview, "although my dad did, which is how I got into the soccer program. They've hung on to me since I was a little guy, now I play for the senior team as an attacking or left midfielder."

That he does. He actually sits joint fourth in the Kolmonen F in assists with six after nine matches played this season, plus he even scored a goal against FK Dobryanka.

However, music is still his first priority.

"If a game clashes with a concert, the managerial staff knows that I will give the concert precedence," he says. "I figure if PZP ever gets promoted, I'd be transferred almost immediately, because I can't really play the game full-time and continue my music as well."

Digitoxicosis Back In Studio

SYKTYVKAR - It seems industrial metal sextet Digitoxicosis couldn't possibly give the fans enough. Their first album, Cybernetic Doomsday Device, is the highest-selling secular album in Uralican history, but the fans were very curious about the new songs Digitoxicosis started playing on tour and wondered if a new album was coming out.

Wonder no more. They're back in studio again. Lead guitarist Aalto Kujanen confirmed this in a sighting yesterday. He threw the metal horns up for fans gathered outside the studio, then went back in.

Later, we ran into Russo-Mari bassist Arkady Koskov at Vsevolod's.

"You'll love this album," he said. "We've been playing a bunch of new stuff at concerts, but there are still ideas that Tatjana [Malinskaja] and Aalto [Kujanen] are working on, ideas Esa[ Myllyjärvi]'s brainstorming to use with his vocoding gizmos, and the like. I figure this new album should have ten or eleven tracks on it. It's a superlong disc - don't worry about having 2-minute blips!"

Sports

Trátyi TK Handed "Slice Of Humble Pie"

TRÁTY - Trátyi TK didn't think Kirovin JK had the offence to beat them. Were they ever wrong. Although the shots were even and KJK were without starting goalkeeper Immo Kivilahti, who has missed the last three matches with a pulled quadricep, KJK still won the match 2-1. Manager Zoltán Fehér admits that he was just as guilty as his charge of being cocky.

"We were at home against a team on a supposed cold streak, and we let down our guard," he said. "So they served us up a nice slice of humble pie with the name Tapani Karjalainen all over it. We didn't play terribly per se, but we let up on them too much, and by the time we got our goal from Kozma [bakos], the game was practically over. Their defence really stepped it up, and [Aalto] Virtanen was solid in goal, although he's no [immo] Kivilahti."

Karjalainen, who scored both goals, was very reserved in his matchday thoughts, unlike the smugness that some expect from star players of football clubs that win.

"It wasn't easy by any means," said the Finn. "Wally (that is, Uolevi Rönkkö) made a brilliant cross for the opening goal, and I'm amazed I scored the second goal. I think it hit something on the way in. Won't be surprised if I get the second one taken away from me."

Other notable Bolakliiga results saw Amkar Perm' bump their slump 2-1 against Dinamo Vologda, while SiPS, Dinamo Kirov, Zavod Ural, and Udmurtiya Izhevsk all posted convincing wins.

Mordovia Not Claiming Victory Yet Despite Win

YEKATERINBURG - In what was a match for the ages, Mordovia Saransk got a stoppage-time goal from Mikhail Ovechkov to claim sole possession of first place last night, but manager Dmitry Kabayev dispelled rumours that his team thinks they've won the league.

"We still meet them again later in the season," the Mordvin said, "plus there are eighteen other teams in the league, y'know. So we're not going to get cocky. Actually, I think Öskölömen Palloklubi are a real threat. They have the extra incentive, something to prove from last season."

The 3-2 win does put them in sole possession of first, two ahead of the same ÖPK Kabayev mentioned, and three clear of Ural and Pechorski Sportklub.

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