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Excerpts from the Uralican Daily News, 7 April 2010 Edition




Top Stories

113 Settlements Apply For City Status; 22 Already Rejected

SYKTYVKAR - On Monday, an article was posted about the fact that the Uralican Tribal Council felt "swamped" by towns applying for city status. However, we did not yet know the full extent of this, until yesterday, when Council representative Meri Vanhanen brought a digest of statistics to us.

A grand total of 113 settlements applied for city status, which is more settlements than the number that already has it (there are 94 official cities in Uralica).

Upon review of census data, 22 of these were struck from the eligibility list immediately, but will still have inspections done for the sake of improvement and preparedness:

(these are all rounded to the nearest 500 [OOC]because I'm using the CNRP X1000 rule, remember :P[/OOC])

Salomäk-Osh, Mari El - 19 000 people

Gadzhiyevo, Sapmi - 19 000 people

Verkhnyaya Tura, Southeast Uralica - 19 000 people

Gremyachinsk, Permski Rayon - 18 500 people

Arti, Southeast Uralica - 18 500 people

Kambarka, Udmurtiya South - 18 500 people

Pitkäranta, Karelia - 18 000 people

Chad, Permski Rayon (form. Oktyabrsky) - 18 000 people

Zaozyorsk, Sapmi - 18 000 people

Kimcheng, West Uralica - 18 000 people

Ustyansk, Northwest Uralica (form. Oktyabrsky) - 17 500 people

Kuyeda, Permski Rayon - 17 000 people

Bulanash, Southeast Uralica - 17 000 people

Barda, Permski Rayon - 16 500 people

Volchansk, East Uralica - 16 500 people

Mezhdurechenskyy, Yugra - 16 000 people

Kükeś, Chuvashia (formerly Kugesi) - 15 500 people

Nizhniye Sergi, Southeast Uralica - 15 500 people

Vojatsu, Karelia - 15 000 people

Vurnary, Chuvashia - 14 000 people

Pyshma, Southeast Uralica - 14 000 people

Izyayu-Kozhva, Pechora - 12 000 people

(Izyayu-Kozhva is a breakaway settlement from the city of Pechora.)

The remaining 91 settlements range in size from 20 000 residents (the minimum) to a staggering 120 000 in the case of Sysert, Southeast Uralica, which is feeling the effects of a rapidly growing Greater Yekaterinburg. Around one in five Uralicans lives within 50 kilometres of Uralica's largest city (over nine and a half million people), and Sysert happens to fall on the fringes of that prosperous mass conurbation. The town (currently) of Aramil is also a benefactor of the population surge. A case study of the area is being done by a team of UDN journalists, and will be published when it is completed.

There is further news on the renaming requests put in by ten Uralican cities as well. Vanhanen told us that all but one was accepted, with the lone exception being Krasnoslobodsk - the reasoning for this is that, while the change was forwarded on behalf of Erzya-speakers within Krasnoslobodsk, the large majority of the Mordvinic population in that city speaks Moksha, and the Moksha name for the city is "Krasnoslobodskyai."

Meri did have a chuckle at the fact Jarkko Salomäki was irked that his name was not removed from the city name of Yarkosky, now Salomäk-Ola, in Mari El.

See also: List Of Applicants That Weren't Turned Down, B2

With War Mostly Over, Uralicans, ERHDC Prepare To Pay Reparations

VORKUTA - Does Ulrike Didriksen ever take a day off?

The busybodied Mennonite was in her office in Vorkuta yesterday, co-ordinating ERHDC hubs by phone and e-mail with such focus that she would not speak to UDN reporters. The reason, they were told, is that there is a major shift coming in the direction of Uralican money and supplies.

This was backed up by an increase in activity in the cargo sections of many of Uralica's international airports, from the massive Kirov International Airport to the humble Pechora International Airport, to Uralica's newest international airport in Chernushka. Several of Uralica's road-based ERHDC hubs were also buzzing with activity, as all ERHDC road-based reparations carriers are escorted by military to their destination to avoid interception. Because of the importance of their mission, the elite Mindphaser Division will be thoroughly involved in the escort of reparation supplies to their destination, while the money will be transported by agents of the Uralikan Valkoilunvirasto.

(OOC Aside: Think Secret Service meets MI6.)

The aide did joke that she shuddered to think what the ERHDC's long-distance bills would be if not for the fact that Uralica Telekom gives charity organisations and military organisations (of which the ERHDC is technically both) free long-distance.

Disaster Narrowly Averted Thanks To Fire Department Punctuality

SEVEROMORSK - A plant specialising in chemical fertiliser production in the city of Severomorsk, and every building within four blocks of it, had to be evacuated Tuesday because of a machinery malfunction that triggered a small explosion. The resulting fire prompted a factory official to sound the fire alarm and call the fire department, as it was close to far more explosive material.

The Severomorsk Fire Department's quick action prevented any further damage, however the factory will be shut down for an undisclosed period of time so the malfunctioning machinery can be inspected and either fixed or replaced.

An official statement released by Severomineralnik, the company that owns the factory, before press time today, praised the fire department for the quick response while asserting a commitment to making sure such an accident never occurs again.

"We are going to be as thorough as necessary about it," a representative said. "And workers need not worry about not getting compensated by the company. It's not their fault a machine screwed up, and it's a Uralican habit to keep a substantial emergency fund handy in case something like this happens. Thankfully, the worst injury out of this was a first-degree burn. It could have been much worse. The officers of the Severomorsk Fire Department are true heroes."

Uralican News

List Of City Applicants That Didn't Get Cut

The following is a comprehensive list of cities that were not immediately cut from the eligibility list for city status on account of being under a population of 20,000. There are 90 of these. (Dobryanka's municipal board bumblingly sent their proposed charter twice!)

Sysert, Southeast Uralica

Aramil, Southeast Uralica

Raduzhnyy, Yugra

Tavda, Southeast Uralica

Lyantor, Yugra

Dobryanka, Permski Rayon

Rezh, Southeast Uralica

Urai, Yugra

Muravlenko, Yamalia

Pazhga, Mennoland

Tráty, Komiland

Vuktyl, Central Uralica

Artyomovsky, Southeast Uralica

Gubakha, Permski Rayon

Osa, Permski Rayon

Shumerlya, Chuvashia

Onega, Northwest Uralica

Käkshär, Kirovski Rayon

Naryan-Mar, Nenetsia-North Uralica

Nyandoma, Northwest Uralica

Hiipinä, Sapmi

Kostamus, Karelia

Kuiksk, Yugra

Kizel, Permski Rayon

Kamyshlov, Southeast Uralica

Käkisalmi, Karelia

Orlov, Kirovski Rayon

Zarechnyy, Southeast Uralica

Igra, Udmurtiya North

Vereshchagino, Permski Rayon

Nizhnyaya Tura, Southeast Uralica

Öskölömi, Central Uralica

Talka-Salya, Yamalia

Severnyy Beloyarsky, Yugra

Mikun', Komiland

Konosha, Woodlands

Sortavala, Karelia

Olenegorsk, Sapmi

Gubkinsky, Yamalia

Aleksandrovsk, Permski Rayon

Nytva, Permski Rayon

Ägerce, Udmurtiya South (correction from Monday - there is no cedilla on the C)

Kouteri, Sapmi

Karhumägi, Karelia

Chetyrgoroda, Yugra

Enso, Karelia

Uva, Udmurtia South

Emva, Komiland

Krasnovishersk, Permski Rayon

Zapolyarny, Sapmi

Beloyarsky, Southeast Uralica

Nizhnyaya Salda, Southeast Uralica

Turinsk, Southeast Uralica

Balezino, Udmurtiya North

Sernur, Mari El

Snezhnogorsk, Sapmi

Usolye, Solikamsk-Berezniki

Talitsa, Southeast Uralica

Gryazovets, West Uralica

Lashma, Mordoviya

Zheshart, Komiland

Kizner, Udmurtiya South

Ilyuchinsk, Yugra

Nizhnesortymskiy, Yugra

Usovuori, Northwest Uralica

Troitsko-Pechorsk, Central Uralica

Tsivilsk, Chuvashia

Ochyor, Permski Rayon

Kuálõk, Sapmi

Polyarny, Sapmi

Verkhny Tagil, Southeast Uralica

Pokachi, Yugra

Sheksna, West Uralica

Provoi, Mari El

Kargopol, Northwest Uralica

Murmashi, Sapmi

Plesetsk, Northwest Uralica

Degtyarsk, Southeast Uralica

Vienankemi, Karelia

Maskasola, Mari El

Sentervorri, Chuvashia

Polar Dawns, Sapmi

Reftinsky, Southeast Uralica

Vytegra, West Uralica

Krasnoslobodsk, Mordoviya

Gornozavodsk, Permski Rayon

Kolosjoki, Sapmi

Baranchinsky, Southeast Uralica

Bisert, Southeast Uralica

Igrim, Yugra

Population will be listed upon completion of the assessment.


Numminen's Tenth Making Big Impressions Amongst Christians

CHAYKOVSKY - The fountainhead that is Sirkka Numminen keeps on rolling out classical music - in an interview in Chaykovsky yesterday, she said that she was almost ready to get her next piece published, which is going to be a scherzo for solo piano.

But this latest scherzo, her hundred twenty-fourth, is most likely going to be overshadowed by last month's release - her 10th Symphony in F Major, called "Kristus, Pelastajani," or "Jesus, My Redeemer." Although hardly her first religious work, this particular piece is striking chords with many Christians globally due to its transition between warm, gentle sections with solos on french horn and cor anglais, to frenetic metal guitar solos (artfully played by Pelastus virtuoso Lauri Sinisalo) backed up by impassioned strings and haunting brass combinations, to a triumphant trumpet-driven finale - according to Numminen, this is designed to give testimony to various attributes of Jesus Christ.

"Sometimes I wonder if she's a mere human," said Jarkko Salomäki of her. "And there is no question that this piece is divinely inspired. I thoroughly enjoyed both listening to and playing it. I kinda like how she stuck a nice bass clarinet solo in that fifth part, too!"

In terms of orchestration, it is Numminen's largest piece, written specifically for the Uralican Symphony Orchestra's larger repertoire of instruments. Aside from a typical symphonic setup, there are also parts for metal lead guitar, balalaika, electric keyboard, light organ, and celesta (which is best known as the instrument used in the Nutcracker Suite to give The Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy its distinctive sound. But she says she's already started on an even bigger symphony that will further push the limits of orchestral size. Honestly, I don't think there's a person in Uralica who wants to miss that!

Konduktor Giving Uralican Rock Fans More Than They Bargained For

PAZHGA - Well, it seems Pazhga's favourite "bunch of tools" is back in action in a big way.

Konduktor, probably best known for their dark sound and sometimes-kooky lyrics (no one else in this country would pen a song called "NO U!"), had their breakout album released in 2009, titled "Yes, We're A Bunch Of Tools." And what better a way to follow that up than with another album with a few goofy tracks on it? "More Than You Bargained For" was released Monday to great enthusiasm from Uralican rock fans, and some critics say the name is rather fitting.

"I've noticed the band's musicianship has improved quite a bit since their last album, but fortunately, this doesn't mean they've lost their artistic integrity, or their sense of humour," said one critic, Yulya Antsyforova, of the foursome. "This album really is more than the average Konduktor fan bargained for. I think that "Good Job, Genius" is my favourite song on the album, because it's so blunt that it's funny."

In spite of the advance single being the more serious "Meatgrinder," written about nations that get persistently hounded in spite of having done nothing wrong, the release-accompanying single is the slightly more humorous "Let's Not (And Say We Did)," a song Jarkko Salomäki says he loves.

"I love that song. It's so funny... and kinda true too. I s'pose trying to get people to not be such marshmallows and doing it in a humorous manner is a good thing, eh?"



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