Guide Entry #245: Introductions.

Mostly Harmless Guide to Cybernations Entry

Entry posted by WorkingClassRuler November 13, 2008

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Guide Entry #245: Introductions

An old adage from a harmless blue-green planet in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy goes something like this:

"First impressions last."

Said mostly with a note of wiser-than-thou smugness, typically after having just witnessed someone make a total $@! of themselves when meeting someone else for the first time. So true was this cautionary line to the deceased people of Asyrk 5 who were genetically merged with Goldfish over the course of two centuries, managing to perfect breathing out of water, but sadly causing them to live their lives with a 5 second memory - meaning they were perpetually meeting the same people for the very first time, every 5 seconds, for the entirety of their lives.

While their inevitable extinction wasn't so surprising, the eventual cause was. For no reason known to anyone in the Universe, one perfectly normal day one of the Asyrkians made a total $@! of themselves when meeting someone else for the "first" time, and this sent a tidal wave of smug shock throughout the rest of the population. This sudden state of shock was then repeated every 5 seconds until the entire race gasped themselves to death.

Ironically, like a goldfish out of water.

Attempting a perfect first impression is not-unlike attempting to perfectly boil a kettle using only a slice of bread, albeit less likely to cause electrocution. However, scientific research (while they're not busy genetically merging things or boiling kettles with bread), has proven time and time again that old adages such as "First impressions last" only increases the probability of someone who's heard the advice making a total $@! of themselves next time they meet someone new, so the whole thing is best forgotten.

However, in the interest of public safety and prevention of mass-genocidal states of shock, The Mostly Harmless Guide to Cybernations has prepared it's own basic rules for Introductions:

1. Until further notice, don't panic.

2. See 1. Don't show too much teeth.

Thank you.