Top Stories

Kuik: "You Do The Dirty, You Pay The Price"

SYKTYVKAR - The Uralican Tribal Council heard reports from its Chief, Jarkko Salomäki, about two TOOL ghosts who made the mistake of baiting him into "doing something about it" with regards to TOOL policies regarding rogue ghosts.

The ruler cjw2125 of the nation of Awesomeopolis insulted Salomäki's mother after he sent the standard message asking him to peace out and leave the TOOL AA after he attacked two inactive, unaligned nations from TOOL's AA, plus the ruler Cheftain Collin of Red Tribe made the mistake of daring him, "whatcha gonna do about it," after he attacked the nation of new canadian.

Therefore, a massive aid package was commissioned for one of cjw2125's opponents (which had recently come active) as well as new canadian. A total of K$6M was sent out, and the $3M package to new canadian was accepted immediately. As for the package sent to the nation of Smackdown, it had with it two thousand Uralican troops as well. The divisions these were taken from were mixed, as is the custom when sending Uralicans to fight for foreign armies.

When asked about the decision to aid the two nations, Vaido Kuik, one of Jarkko's right-hand men, had this to say.

"We may turn our cheek to personal insult, but we will not turn a blind eye to the honest suffering of those afflicted by those illegally bearing our marks of affiliation. It's as simple as this - you do the dirty, you pay the price. Now the nations we aided may not be committed to mercy - we have a policy of ordering wars ended as swiftly as possible when our terms are met, but we can't order these guys to stop since they aren't Uralicans or TOOLies. However, should they choose to fight on, that is on their heads, not ours. This said, we are 100% in support of Smackdown's counter-offensive against Awesomeopolis, as that nation has outright refused to leave our alliance affiliation after being asked to do so, after the nation's illegal aggression."

It should be noted that not all TOOL ghosts are this uncooperative. The nation of Costa Morada, a TOOL Applicant ghost at the time, was recently taken to task for attacking an unaligned nation while on the alliance affiliation, and it both offered peace and signed up to the alliance, although the application is pending the official end of the war.

Uralicans Spending More On Charity Than On Themselves - Christian Insider

YEKATERINBURG - A survey from Christian Insider magazine has reported that Uralicans are spending an average of 133% of what they have spent on themselves, on charitable causes this Christmas/Hanukkah season. Among the major benefactors of this have been the Uralican Emergency Relief and Human Development Corps, the Salvation Army, the Red Cross/Red Star, The Christian Children's Fund, The Uralican Heart And Stroke Agency, and the Uralican Cancer Research Foundation. The survey was very broad in its spectrum, covering roughly 60% of the Uralican population.

"It's very encouraging to hear about these results," said Ovdey Shlomov, a long-time Uralican government member. "Christian and Jew alike are showing what this country truly stands for - loving one's neighbour as oneself - and it is something to be proud of, but also, to give thanks to God for, for giving this nation's people such generous hearts, and for providing that which can be given to others."

Sports

Charity Cross-Country Race Set For Polar Day

YUGRAKAR - Uralica's largest cross-country track in terms of number of skiiers that can be held at a time and number of spectators, The Yugrakar 1250 (referring to the number of metres in the track), is going to be the site of a large mass-start cross-country race, whose proceeds are destined for the Uralican Support Agency for Seriously Ill Children (USASIC). The date has been set as 8 January 2010, which is a national statutory holiday in Uralica, as it marks the anniversary of the New Polar Order's release from the terms of the War of the Coalition.

The list of people participating is large, and quite diverse in terms of occupation. There are no fewer than two dozen of the 239 Uralican Tribal Council members participating, among them Tribal Chief Jarkko Salomäki, Vaido Kuik, Lasse Mäkelä, and noteworthy Chuvash politician Makhmat Galymov.

Also on the list: Uralican ice hockey stars Matvey Kolpakov, Gerasim Syktyvov, Kurtis Schaeffer, and Aldo Raudsepp, a list of forty footballers including hotshots Khavkuk Shlomov and Joni Rasimus, a bevy of celebrities from Uralica's massive music industry, including fountainhead Sirkka Numminen, the entire lineup of iconic Christian metal band Pelastus, and Kven experimental musician Mika Ukkonen, movie/TV star Zuzana Golubovskaya, Shakesperean actors Rutger Holman and Aleksandra Khrunova, and Bolak Corp. President/CEO Konstantin Tsymbalaryov, who is Uralica's richest person.

"This is gonna be a blast," said Salomäki. "I honestly can't wait to see how I handle against Konstantin. He and I have been playfully trash-talking for months about who's the better skier! But what's more important, is that everything - both ticket proceeds and placement pledges - are going to help the seriously ill, and not just in Uralica - USASIC often helps out in other TOOL nations, in CCC nations, and in other nations friendly to Uralica. It's a lot of fun, for a good cause. Get your tickets, bring your friends, because this is gonna be a real party!"

OOC Edit: I hate back-dating. I posted this today, perkele.