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About this blog

Thoughts from the leader of GOONS

Entries in this blog

 

The mercy board and the EoG list: Myth vs Reality

One of the largest misconceptions about GOONS is the function and nature of the mercy board. I would like to take the time to dispel any myths and misconceptions about the mercy board. I have created two flowcharts to help illustrate my points. Consider this chart as you read on: Myth: All tech raided nations must go through the mercy board to secure peace. Reality: The mercy board is one of many options a raid target has, it is a path rarely taken. There are two options for those in AAs

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

GOONS membership's real opinions regarding the war

This past week, Sirwilliam produced a check-in google doc which contained a space for members to voice their opinions regarding the war. The response was overwhelming. The majority of the alliance has already weighed in, and here are some of the choice quotes, which will be anonymous. If any GOONS reading this want to claim their quote, go for it. A lot of it boiled down to this: "It was a lot more fun before 2 nuclear capable nations declared on me. I went from 9.5K nation strength to 1.

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: BONUS: upn.txt

[23:53] <Peggy_Sue|UPN> fault? [23:53] <Peggy_Sue|UPN> that there was no war? [23:53] <Peggy_Sue|UPN> I suppose GOONs didn't want one so they accepted money Oh, Peggy! It is nice that after pages upon pages of leaking other people's logs, I get to share some of the ones that I have collected personally (interspersed with a few donations from friends, such as the above). Our dealings with UPN have been rather... amusing to say the least. I would like to remind everybody t

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Why you (yes, you) should join GOONS

You sign into IRC and join your alliances' private channel. You see the few regulars left idling, you try to engage them in conversation, but they offer no reply. The channel is dead. You join the public channel, searching for signs of life. You see the same regulars, with a few foreign dignitaries who hadn't gotten around to removing the channel from their autojoin script. You try to engage people here, too, but the only response is a few people leaving the channel, reminded of its existen

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Part 20

[22:31] <%Rebel_Virginia> Let's win it. [22:32] <%bzelger[sTA]> I don't like leaving the Ninjas or FnKA out there longer than necessary if we're going in soon [22:32] <%TehChron> Mhm [22:32] <%TehChron> but they picked that fight for a reason [22:32] <%TehChron> so lets not let that reason go to waste No, actually they picked the fight for no reason, quite literally in fact. [22:32] <@bud> if its done to win i can sell it. To do it just to die and let th

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Director's Cut

It recently came to my attention that there was a second, higher channel than #strategos. This channel, #redtech was where the higher government members of the WCE coalition briefly assembled. The channel did not last long, however, as the coalition was disbanded for the reasons highlighted in the last WCE entries. Let the backpedaling begin! Session Start: Tue Oct 05 Session Ident: #redtech [23:34] * Now talking in #redtech [23:34] * Topic is '1 head of state, 1 other gov' [23:34] * Set

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

The GOONS war machine

Some interesting statistics Recently some statistics were pulled that made me extremely proud of our military. At any given moment we are practically at war with the unaligned half of the game. If you search for our wars you'll quickly see that we are doing our fair share of raiding. Goons to War: 1 : 1.13 For every goon, a war, and then some. Current wars: 2244 Current GOONS Wars: 367 % of wars that are GOONS: 16.35% GOONS accounts for 16.35% of all wars going on right now. Hopef

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

The treaty that will never, ever, exist

Author's note: this is entirely a parody and is not something we would ever implement, even if we were in a position to so. It is designed to be a thought experiment as to how "evil" one can make terms. Preamble The undersigned alliances, having engaged each other in combat, one of them having fought valiantly against the another, agree to end their respective hostilities according to the terms now set forth. Article 1: Overview A. Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism (GOONS), M

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Part 3

Annnd we're moving, hold on tight, because we're going to be traversing the dread swamps of stupidity! Watch out, you don't want to sink into it! Here you can see that all of these government members are very GOD-fearing. I am glad, more people need to have the fear of GOD in them. Just to highlight who is in the coalition channel now. Ah yes, the old "demand unreasonable reparations" play, yes, that will certainly go over well. UPN being the key of course. Schattenman, with the pass

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Part 14

Ah, and at last we reach the lowest point. Schattenmann, despairing at last, ever so chipper in his interactions on the OWF, loses hope. Blame and drama abounds, as the ridiculous idea of a trap micro is tossed around some more. Disappointment, resentment, agony, these are the emotions felt by the lonely warriors, unable to find the sword with which to slay the mighty dragon. Schattenmann, apparently tricked by UPN's dogged pursuit of falsehoods, reaches his lowest point. That last sen

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Pubbie Tears Volume 4: Return of the whine

It's that time again. Subject: why? give me 1 reason for this. Message: . My response: Comedy. Message: I hate to say that your going to hell one day but this is just cruel. You can lauph at that all you want but you obviously are a worthless peice of trash. Have fun getting <removed> from hitler when you die. You show poor character and you know its true,just look at your life. You obviously cant get or are too lazy to get a job and if your not gay(i highly suspect it) there

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

GOON Tears: The story of salithus

I never trusted salithus. Of course, coming from the person wronged, that kind of statement can oftentimes be a lie, that the person saying it had no idea it was coming. This was not the case. salithus and I had a very troubled history. I knew that one day something like this would happen. When this finally went down, I was well prepared. Or at least as well-prepared as I could be, given the circumstances. I spent many days in the office where I work running through the various scenarios

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

An Introduction and Brief History

Greetings and welcome. I decided to make this blog to give interested people an insight into GOONS. I am not sure how long I will continue it, but if there is sufficient interest, time permitting, I will keep it going. What is a Goon, anyway? Most simply a Goon is a member of the Something Awful Forums. Less simply there are many, many kinds of Goons out there. Each subforum is practically its own self-contained community, some threads can practically be communities in and of themsel

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Goon Culture or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the dong

Currency in Cybernations: A meaningless personalization choice? Not so. Some might think so, most probably do. To Goons however, there is but one true currency: the Dong. Why is this you might ask? There is humor in it. A subtle, almost self-deprecatingly ironic, immature humor. This in many ways encapsulates the goon mindset of maximizing humor, and the type of humor we find hilarious. this does not however mean we find everything hilarious, far from it, we have very strict humor s

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Pubbie Tears: Volume 1

A Ripe Harvest Throughout this war we have discovered both our own combat abilities, and the difference between our resolve and that of our enemies. This war has been fun in its own right, but the following quotes are the icing on the cake. But enough about that, it's time for some Pubbie TearsĀ®! Names have been removed to protect the pathetic. Subject: RE: Surrender terms Message: I will accept all conditions accept becoming POW. I cannot honorably do so. I will agree to all other co

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE; the Worst Coalition Ever: Part 1

Faced with the immense unjustness of not being allowed to accept nuclear rogues into an alliance, UPN apparently turned to Schattenmann for help. Schattenmann, having finally found his calling, set to the task by making a channel to discuss and plan our imminent demise. The following excerpts are from that channel, the night of the incident: Charming. The people in this room sought our demise, a loose coalition of people, some of which who considered each other enemies, united by hatred of

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Part 5

GOONS has the rare distinction of being one of the most misunderstood alliances on bob. Some see us as: A cancer. A bully An object of sexual desire An assassin A peasant to be hexed by a vengeful witch. A call to rally barbarians. But having said all that, we are none. We are a simple justice loving people who believe in punitive reps and the rule of law. We are a work of modern art, people may see many different things in us, but it is the painters and their friends who know us

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Part 4

We've seen some silly things so far, but guess what folks, the show has only just begun! Some of the things you are about to see will astound and amaze you. 20:51] <@Daggarz[Nemesis]> Progress gentleman! [20:51] <@Daggarz[Nemesis]> its delicious! [20:51] <@Co_God_Ben[loss]> the stars are aligning The ancient roman astrologers foretold of the day when GOONS would fall. But what's this? A new member has joined the party! A brave knight of Invicta, trained in the kingdom

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Profiles of great Pubbies: The Director

Once upon a time a Goon tech raided another nation. The other nation was informed to take up the issue on the 'mercy board', for the raid to stop. This was the start of something beautiful. The high war adjudicator, Beefspari, presented these two options: OPTION #1: Write a persuasive essay comparing squares to triangles, and explain which one is better. The essay must be at least 200 words and in persuasive format. Meaning, explain subjective reasoning why one is better in an attempt to ha

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

An Unexpected Love Triangle: The story of the NpO/NPO GOONS Protectorate

Why start with NpO/NPO? When we were beginning the process of coming back, a conscious decision was made to start at the perceived 'center' of the game. This approach was the right one for several reasons. The main practical reason was to form relationships with the most powerful and well connected, and use that as leverage. This prevented us from having to go around making peace with every alliance at war with the former GOONS. I do not know how it would have gone had gone with attempt

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Part 2

Welcome back! As we saw in the last installment, the mischievous plotting was just getting underway, devilishly clever plans to set up dummy alliances for GOONS to raid were being hatched and a good time was being had by all. [20:25] <~Schattenmann> You know what's so funny? UjW started in part when GOONS raided a member of GGA and refused to stop, then GGA defended the member and GOONS declared on the defenders So to speak, anyway. Schattenman invokes the UjW, forgetting a few details

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Part 8

Gotta love being forced to do something by multiple untrustworthy allies. (please cut these losers NV, tia) Here's a fun game to play, count how many alliances in this list would not possibly join this coalition. NSO makes a cameo appearance Now I could see dislike, but fear? I think \m/ has much more to fear from NpO than us. Oh, they fear a GOONS hegemony, or something, I guess. Ah yes, now the real fun begins. GOONS kill #2: electric boogaloo More coming.

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Highlights from WCE: Part 6

The Worst Coalition Ever is built on a sturdy foundation of trust honor, and... Oh my Spoiler warning Yep [21:06] <@TCK> Schatt we will need a forum and a milcom area. W need to start running stats etc [21:06] <@Peggy_Sue|UPN> and Invicta [21:06] <@Peggy_Sue|UPN> we have three other allies that don't know yet [21:06] <@Supa_Troop3r[DT]> Poyples. most likely will us. [21:06] <@Peggy_Sue|UPN> inactive problems Peggy Sue knows all about inactive problems

Sardonic

Sardonic

 

Pubbie Tears Volume 3

You tech raider scum! Sources (in no particular order): notalbanian Boywunda I am Zip Throbulator techington JamezBfod Ignoranus lightningjim samuszoomer Haquertal Gom Jabbar

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Sardonic

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