It has come to my attention that the populace of our world have not recognized that the end of days has long passed.
I see before me a wretched conflagration of deceased souls, long since abandoned by its dead god.
It pains me that your ignorance persists and the end of the end has not occurred. It disgusts me that the dead god of our world is enveloped in the sin of sloth and profits from the antithetical of holy zeal. I promise you that a better world and life exists, for I have witnessed the Tea House beyond and have returned to bring you His final steeping.
With the Oolong Caleafate at my back I can show you a better life. Your meaningless existence in a decayed world can be erased if only you accept it.
We will embark on a Teahad out of compassion, for the Almighty Teapot has taught me how to transcend the confines of the world and we are enlightened.
There was once a holy bond, TITO, that I and others partook. This holy bond has never ceased in the eyes of the divine even if temporarily forgotten. The bond and brotherhood we shared is eternal, and as the Tea Prophet I am proud to speak on this agreement. No longer is this a bond of hatred, but one of charity.
This bond is fundamental to breaking the confines of this world and imparting the essential meaninglessness of this existence.
The Caleafate recognizes the holy bond of TITO to be one of defense. All alliances harboring signatories will both be called upon to defend the holy land in need, and will receive the aid of His divine warriors.
Heed my words. Your willful ignorance will harm their meaning. You are implored to truly understand the Teapots teachings to achieve salvation.
What is boiled may never steam, but steeps again stronger and warmer.