The world was apparently falling apart at the seems. War in North America, which threatened to escalate, and in Africa, which also threatened to spread.

Terrorist attacks in Africa.

Oppressive regimes in South America, Africa, and Europe. The world was a powder keg waiting for a single match to ignite it.

Nothing seemed sure any more. He could not put this off for much longer, or he might not have another chance.

A coded message was sent to Finland. directly to Uberstein's desk.

***The prodigal son wishes to return home for a visit.***

Uberstein would know the reference was to his son wanting to come and talk. An anonymous e-mail account was set up for any reply he sent. The sender of the message hoped it was in the affirmative.

Uberstein would instead mail a visa, a rubber band, a straw, and a paperclip to his son directly. He had a way of finding out things like addresses. Written on the inside of the envelope was a simple message, "Come on over, I've included the tools needed to gain entry into my house. Good luck! Signed, Uberstein."

Hmm...he should have guessed his father would not send a typical reply. Grinning, he replaced the items in the envelope and put it in his pocket. He had one other person to retrieve, and then they had a plane to catch. He'd already gotten a visa for her, but in a rare moment, had not considered that he would need one too. Normally he went places as a diplomat, and as such these thigs were taken care of.

--------

Twelve hours later, they were in the air--he slept the whole way, though his companion did not, having been woken by him. She'd already packed, as he'd told her they were going somewhere, though he had not specified the exact destination.

he only woke once they landed. Once they were told it was safe to do so, they grabbed their luggage and walked off the plane...

A driver was waiting, and soon they were heading towards Uberstein's house, a good distance away from Helsinki.



It seemed out of place, built like a Bavarian farmhouse, an obvious link to Uberstein's heritage, but in the middle of the Finnish countryside. Outside were several guards patrolling the fields around it. The car started to drive down a gravel road, pulling into a garage detached from the house itself. There, they were escorted by 2 armed guards in brown business suits with red/grey striped ties. Inside, the house was well decorated, with many paintings, tapestries, and other such things on the walls, making it look almost cluttered.

Upstairs, classical music could be heard, Uberstein was in his study.

"Hey, what's going on?" the young woman asked, poking Anthony in the shoulder as they climbed in the car.

He smiled mysteriously. "I never did tell you about my parents, did I Melissa?"

Her jaw dropped. "You can't be serious. After all this time you're finally--"

"Yep," he answered with an interruption.

They were silent the rest of the ride, and Melissa's jaw dropped again when she saw the house. "So, who is your father--the President of Finland?" she asked, ntoing the guards.

He looked at her oddly before bursting into laughter. "You'll see," he replied, as they were escorted inside.

He smiled when he heard the music. "I know where he is. Follow me," he said to her, moving up the stairs. almost in a daze, she did as he said, her luggage forgotten on the floor below as they ascended the stairs.

Uberstein was in a large armchair, writing something into a large book. He turns around, "Ah, good, you've finally arrived. I guess the entire legitimate side of the family is here then." He chuckles, standing up, "Though, you've seem to have brought somebody I don't know. Wife? Mistress? Or simply a bodyguard? If she's just your bodyguard, then I'm very disappointed in you." He grins, and walks over, reaching out to shake his son's hand. "Well, seeing how you have a surprise for me, I don't feel as bad about surprising you. I flipped a coin earlier, so I'll be blunt. You have a sister, well, half sister. I invited her to come today, mainly to upkeep the long tradition of awkward family reunions."

OOC: Told you guys i'd introduce Uber's illegitimate daughter sometime.

She was thirty-eight years old, although if anybody asked she was definitely thirty-two; not like they could tell the difference from looking at her, of course. Medium-length black hair stopped halfway down her neck but curved as it reached the cheekbones. Her brown eyes were dark but normal sized and seemed to accent the color of her hair almost too well. A medium-length nose and average sized mouth finished her portrait. Her right eyebrow was pierced once, with a small L-shaped piercing almost hiding from view; her earrings were straight and proud.

Her mother, Mariya Demidova, was a Russian Communist who was known (among Communist circles, at least) for a no-nonsense demeanor and a rather down-to-earth person. Mariya was strict and somewhat uptight when it came to rules, leading Mariya's daughter to rebel rather brilliantly (much like Mariya did when she was fighting regimes around the world). She doesn't carry the Communist torch of her mother, but did inherit several traits that her mother felt was important to have: liberalism, equality and hard work chief among these.

A hand tapped Anthony's shoulder, and when he turned to look she would smile and tilt her head just a bit to the right.

"Ekaterina Demidova."

OOC: hee hee...

IC: Legitimate? That implied an illegitimate relative. And sure enough, his father confirmed whis suspicions. He took the hand offered, a smile growing on his face.

Melissa, however, had her hands on her hips, glaring at Uberstein. "Wife? Mistress?" She repeated his earlier query, her eyes flashing in a manner that seemed to confirm the stereotype of redheads having tempers to match. "No, I'm apparently your granddaughter."


Indeed, he did turn to look, and what Ekaterina would see was a face that was nearly identical to Uberstein's, of course minus many of the effects of age. And his hair, though containing a hint of grey now, was still black and short.

"So, I have a sister," he commented neutrally, the smile growing wider. "Always wanted one." He stuck out his hand to her as Uberstein had done for him when he arrived. "Anthony Harlem." his head was also tilted at a slight angle as he studied her. 'Must be a family trait,' he thought with amusement.

"Very good meeting you, Tony," she shortened his name for her to remember as her memory was never a sharp tool. "I heard you married your mistress? Good for you, they're the best listeners." She giggled softly and grasped Anthony's hand in a pose like one would arm wrestle in, and shook his hand both towards her and him. She let go and smiled like a mother would look at a favorite son.

'Tony, eh?' he thought. 'Ah well, whatever makes her feel comfortable.' He couldn't help but chuckle a little at her enthusiastic handshake.

"Well, that was a long time ago," he said in response to her comment. The smile lessened slightly at the mention of his wife. "She's dead now, but at least I have my daughter as a reminder of a happy marriage." He gestured toward Melissa with his free hand.

Uberstein laughs, "Well, guess I have a granddaughter then. You could have sent me a letter telling me that, I can't have you watched constantly you know. It's expensive to hire people to watch screens all day. That and the whole privacy issue. Also, do I need to hire you two a chiropractor? You'll regret all that head tilting when you're older."

He starts to walk towards the balcony that wrapped around a good half of the house, "When I die or fall into some kind of comatose state, all of this will become, well, let's face it, you live in Australia, so I'm not giving this house or the estate to you. It's far too long of a commute. I'm sure I have some annoying cousin or niece or nephew who is willing to move and take the reigns of the family, I've not kept very good track of these things. I believe most have moved back to the Estate to live with my brother. You will get one thing though, and that's Alfred, he's a good friend of mine, though frankly he's rather annoyingly large and hard to fit into places. I trust you will not try to disassemble him to find out what makes him tick, and that you will treat him more like a person. Currently I've had to keep him in a rather large shipping container in a secure facility on the Aland Islands, but I can have him moved to your capital as soon as you're ready."

"You keep an eye on him?" Melissa asked. "And I thought he was paranoid for just checking up on me every other day or so."

Anthony blinked, straightening his neck at his father's comment. he was about to comment that yeah, it would be impractical to have the house given to him, when the comments about Alfred clicked. "Who's Alfred?"

"Some kind of mechanical reconstruction of the butler from Bat-Man, perhaps?" Ekaterina straightened her neck too and shook her head. "I wouldn't like to live in this estate. It is too far away from my people. It is simple.. I love it, but, I know this is not my place to be. Neither is Australia," she added rather quickly.

"Sppeaking of people and homelands," he noted, "Where do you live? I currently reside in Melbourne. Though I do travel a lot for work," he added.

"Ah yes, I never introduced you to Albert. Strictly speaking, he's the last remaining AI from Russany, the rest went insane, and I think one burned up on reentry to earth's atmosphere. He does a good job, though he plays a horrible game of chess. Now, where are my manners, certainly you're all hungry after the long trips here. Shall we move to the dining room?"

"Insane Russany AIs from space? I'd pay to see that movie. Well, probably not, but I'd watch it," she corrected herself and shook her head. "I've never played a good game of chess anyway, he'll be a challenge. What kind of grub do you have here anyway? I hope there isn't any lettuce."

"An AI? How does an intelligence of that magnitude stay sane? Ah, nevermind. You're right, I'm hungry--I spent the trip catching up on my sleep."

Melissa was staring at Ekaterina. "So, where did you come from to get here?" she asked, curiously. She'd heard her father ask, but apparently her...aunt hadn't noticed the question.

Ekaterina blinked at Melissa and shook her head. "Usually when I don't answer a question I don't want to answer it," she said softly, but bit her lower lip for a moment. "Well.." She shook her head left to right for a few seconds before bending over to Melissa's ear and whispering, "Vaule."

Melissa grinned, folding her arms across her chest. "Now why would you be embarassed about where you live?"

But then she shooke her head. "Never mind. That's probably another question you won't want to answer. Am I right?"

"Less embarrassed, more like I'm.. well, you probably know all about the paranoia in this family by now," she said half-serious, and laughed again.

Melissa stared at her aunt--then burst into laughter herself.

After managing to control herself, she wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "Paranoia does seem to be a family trait, doesn't it? I guess we came by it honestly, eh?" she said, glancing pointedly at Uberstein, though with a grin to show there were no hard feelings.

But then, more seriously, she added, "but if you can't trust your own family, who can you trust?"

"I trusted my mother and I'm trusting you all.. at least as well as I can trust anyone, I suppose." She smiled and sighed a bit, remembering her mother; the memories were fond, but she always felt regret.

"I suppose it'll have to come through experience, if anything."

OOC: I need to post faster

IC:

They were all seated at the dining room table, and soon a rather simple steak meal was served. Uberstein looked at all of them with a rather serious stare, "I have one rule while eating, no using silverware as weapons, even if someone reaches for your plate, it's impolite to stab their hand. Hopefully that won't be an issue seeing how most of you haven't been to a proper family reunion before. Also, no feeding the pets...infact, if you see an alarmingly large snake around here, be sure to tell me. He isn't allowed out of his cage."

OOC: Sorry, got carried away. I will make an IC reply later. Right now I'm out of time...

"I like snakes," she said offhandedly, using her fork like a knife and attempting to saw through the steak. "My last family reunion.. well, was less of a family reunion and more like a gigantic vodka-fueled military parade. Very depressing." Ekaterina looked at Uberstein for a few moments as her fork rubbed against the plate, already cut through the steak.

Anthony couldn't resist a smile at the warning not to use silverware as weapons, even as he began cutting into his serving.

He'd used considerably less to kill people in his time, sometimes with nothing but his bare hands. "I've never been to a family reunion, period," he commented neutrally, just before he took a bite.

Melissa shook her head, then furiously began cutting at the meat. It took her a bit to get it, but she finally had a bite-sized chunk speared by her fork. "Just how large is the snake?" she asked. "And what species?"

Uberstein smirks, "Well, you've certainly caught onto the hang of a normal family reunion. Subtle quips about the shortcomings of other family members, very sneaky. I had my reasons for what I did." He continues to eat, then faces Melissa.


"I believe it's an anaconda, customs intercepted it filled with cocaine, seems some smugglers were using it as a donkey, if my terminology is correct. Well, being the president, I said, just how often does one get a free anaconda? I tried to get a dingo but it seems they're called wild dogs for a reason." He chuckles.

OOC: Bump, this needs to be finished. <__<

"It's mule, and an anaconda? I had to give up my Burmese pythons, Bob and Smokie, last last year. They listen quite well, and if you train them right they can even disarm pesky individuals. Nothing quite strikes fear into a man's heart than a snake that just disarmed them and is about to coil around their throat," she said cheerfully.

"Trust me, I could have told you that you wouldn't want a dingo for a pet," Anthony said to his father, before Melissa could respond. She adopted a thoughtful expression as Ekaterina replied.

"You can train snakes? Cool..." her face broke into a wide grin. Glancing at her father, she adopted a sly expression. "I know what I want for my next birthday..."

He shook his head, but nevertheless smiled, chuckling lightly.

OOC: Ack sorry didn't notice you both posted.

"You know, not actually a mule as in the animal, but one of those things used to carry drugs, in little balloons? Luckily the illegal drug trade has been cracked down on. The Finnish special forces have nothing better to do at the moment, so I believe striking fear into the hearts of Finland's internal enemies is a good use for them."


"Well, I'm sure I can find another, though I don't have very good relations with the countries that have the more interesting ones, and the ones in Australia are quite toxic the last I checked." He finishes his meal, and a maid takes the plate. "Now, who wants dessert?

Always the enthusiastic one, Melissa made it quite clear with her smile that she was ready for dessert as she took her last bite. Anthony was close to finishing his as well.

"Yeah, the poisonous ones on that continent outnumber the non-poisonous ones, actually," he commented between two bites.

"Sounds just like politics." He chuckles to himself, "Now, since we're all here. I might as well let more family secrets out. Any of you ever hear of Franz Komeil? His name was once...Josef U. Uberstein. The U stood for Unwanted, and he was my great uncle. This fact is also the answer to why I ever let a madman like Sherbert Komeil into the service of the Ubersteinian government." He looks towards a closed door, which was at the opposite side of the room, as if expecting someone to walk through it.

"I'm afraid Franz Komeil doesn't ring any bells," she said, "or gongs, though I imagine if he rang a gong-" Ekaterina stopped herself and smiled at a distant memory. "I don't place much importance in family. It is who proves they can trust you, not who is genetically closer than a chimp to you."

"Komiel...Komiel...the name sounds familiar," Melissa muttered. "I've heard that name somewhere..."

Anthony, however, was staring at Ekaterina with a hint of a smile. "You certainly don't mince words, do you? How does one prove their trustworthiness to someone like you?"

Ekaterina winked at Anthony but did not give a verbal answer, apparently content to continue eating her dessert.

OOC:

As Ekaterina and Melissa spoke, something devious began to happen. The turkey, barley touched at the end of the table for it horrendous smell and bright green striations began to shake around. As it slowly spun so the rear faced the center of the table, a puff of smoke shot out.

"I am insulted Ekater... name thing... I am much more trustworthy than chimpanzee!"

OOC: What the...I'm not sure what I should do here. Ubie, did you approve this?

OOC: yeah, it's Dr. Komeil, he's technically a member of the Uberstein family, it's only been a few generations since his line was disowned.

OOC: OK, just wanted to make sure.

IC: Anthony hadn't really expected her to answer his question. Not many people he knew truly would answer that question if they were asked.

When the rather horrendous Turkey shook and shot our a puff of smoke, he eyed it curiously for a second, then took in his surroundings more carefully. Where had that voice come from? Melissa simply stared at the thing, less used to strange things than her father was.

Melissa wasn't blind, though, and noticed her father's attention was everywhere but on the turkey. She opened her mouth to ask him why, then closed it again, deciding she would ask him later when they were alone.

OOC: Bump

Uberstein laughs, "Good show, I half expected you to smash your head through the wall or climb out from behind a painting. How has life been treating you Doctor Komeil?"

The grotesque turkey span around towards Uberstein. "I am not Komeil! I is friendly turkey! Doo doo doo da doo..."

He paused for a moment.

"Alright, fine," Komeil muttered as he slid his head from the turkey, and walked out from under the table, chunks of stuffing clinging to his face. "Life has been fine. Not doing anything good now, I am three months without crime... I feel so... diiiirty."

Komeil sat down into his chair slowly, and tried to re-light his turkey drenched cigarette.

Melissa's head whipped around so fast, one might wonder why she didn't get whiplash.

Anthony simply chuckled. "Nice entrance," he complimented, in fluent Finnish. His daughter, not so linguistically minded, had no clue what he'd just said.

Ekaterina took a napkin and wrapped it around a spare knife, then tossed it lightly to Komeil. "To wipe the turkey off," she said. She looked at Melissa and gave a giggle. "Too jumpy. Expect everything."

Melissa directed a glare at Eekaterina that lasted all of one second, before returning her attention to the 'newly arrived' guest.

"You must be this Franz Komeil," she stated, displaying that at least her powers of deduction were not sub-par. "I seem to have a lot more family than I realized," she quipped, with a small smile.

"Three months? Impossible, your very existence tends to be a crime, and if not that, your cooking usually does the trick. There's more cigarette's in the humidor, if you need one." He points at a humidor on a small side table in the corner of the room, "Personally I'm amazed I haven't gotten some kind of lung cancer yet, I think the secret is getting the unfiltered kind...those filters, filled with nasty chemicals you know? That or the fact that I beat the grim reaper to within an inch of death with his own pelvis." Uberstein raises one eyebrow as he lights a cigar he had gotten from his coat pocket, his face perfectly serious.

"No," Komeil said, placing his lighter down, "I Dr. Sherbert J. Komeil. Franz was my dirty basterd's father's father, whatever that be called."
Komeil began to wipe his turkey soaked cigarette on his pant leg, "And yes, we have many family. Many, very weird family. We cannot be all shining examples of normalcy and sanity now, can we?"
Komeil began to chuckle as he finally managed to get the cigarette to light.

"Ah yes, don't even get me started on my nephews...well, might as well start listing them now, there's a good many of them. We have...Fester the Furry, Daniel the Deviant, Gebbert the Gymnast, Fletcher the Fletcher, what a worthless job, who even uses arrows now adays? Hans the Hannibal-impersonator, he always takes it too far, we keep telling him it doesn't have to be human flesh, but he never listens...now where was I? Oh yes, Albert the Addict, Richard the Real Estate Agent, and Sally the Sexually-confused." He smiles, "I think that's all of them. And no worries, none of them are invited today, I didn't want a repeat of the last family reunion where Fester was lit on fire and Hans tried to eat Sally."

Komeil scoffed, and leaned towards Anton/ Subtle, "Yes, Fredrick was... a demon in the sack... Gives him a good reason to be in a wheelchair, being that busy, repetitive stress injuries to the pelvis can really be crippling..."