Karl: According to the map, NATO should be right here.

Lenny: Hey, maybe there is no NATO, maybe it's one of them metaphorical things.

Karl: Oh yeah yeah...like, maybe NATO is the place inside each of us created by our goodwill and teamwork

Lenny: oh...no, they said there'd be sandwiches.

Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girl's college.
Karl: No, the Playboy Mansion. Playboy Mansion.
King Tom: Shut up. It's my van and I say we're going to the lost city of gold.

Karl: You know, I was hexed by a troll once and a leprechaun cured that right up.
Lenny: Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six leprechauns!
Karl: Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with the leprechaun.

Pollexter: Are you gonna torture me?
Lenny: We can't tell you. Not knowing is the worst torture of all!
Karl: Well, that and the rat helmet. [Lenny and Karl throw Pollexter in his cell]
Lenny: Now, get some sleep, you got a 9 AM rat helmet.
Pollexter: (groans) 9 AM?!

Lenny: Ah, there's nothing like revenge for getting back at people.
Karl: I don't know. Vengeance is pretty sweet.

Karl: Oh no! Hakim's going over those falls!
Lenny: Oh good! He snagged that tree branch.
Karl: Oh no! The branch broke off!
Lenny: Oh good! He can grab onto them pointy rocks!
Karl: Oh no! Them pointy rocks broke his arms and legs.
Lenny: Oh good! Those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him!
Karl: Oh no! They're biting him, and stealing his pants!

Iskander: They've broken every commandment except one.
Karl: Hey Lenny, covet some chili fries?
Lenny: You bet.
Iskander: That's it. The whole shebang.

King Tom: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close

Lenny: "Didn't you die of alcohol poisoning last week?"
Duffman: "Duffman does not die, only the actors who play him - ohhh yeahhhhhhhh"

drunken road trips are funner in our van...

Anu Drake: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive?

And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of NATO merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid.

For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.

Colonel Fury: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?
Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
Colonel Fury: [flippantly] Uh-huh.
Hot Dog Vendor: Hey Spock, what do you want on your hot dog?
Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me.

I'm Normally Not a Praying Man, but If You're up There, Please save Me Superman -Anu Drake

Grandpa Popcorn: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Karl: I'm not sure which code is better. The six is closer to the three, so ya got convenience there. But the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.
Njero: What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.
Karl: What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it, and that big radio campaign.
Lenny: Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the Space Shuttle, and the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.
Njero: Not a single word of warning.

Best Anu quote ever.

His new avatar is nice too:

BOOSHIFIED: "All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one"

Fuhrer: Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.