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Don't Panic!


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[center][img]http://i336.photobucket.com/albums/n329/Dragonmack/logocg9ez4.png[/img][/center]
[center][i]The hoopiest and froodiest newsletter on Planet Bob![/i][/center][color="#4040FF"][b][size="6"]Dear Planet Bob,[/size][/b][/color]
I hereby issue this declaration of war on Panic. Panic has struck many great (and the not-so-great) nation rulers down in the past, and to this very day continues to influence the judgement and decision-making of otherwise reasonably intelligent mice -- uhh, humans. No more! The MHA wants panic abolished, wiped out, extinct! No reparations, no surrender. Panic must be destroyed.

To that end, please read the following articles to help Planet Bob remain a peaceful and calm world:

[color="#4040FF"][b][size="6"]Mostly Harmless News[/size][/b][/color]
[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]Elections[/size][/b][/color]

In the [color="#FF0000"]Triumvir[/color] elections at the start of month, reigning incumbent Dynasty went against the popular new-comer Abstain. Abstain made several large campaign promises, such as voluntary public holidays, bringing back Silly Hats Friday, and a nuke-sandwich for anyone who didn't vote for Abstain. And yet when it came time to vote, he was nowhere to be seen! Irony? I think not.

Long story short, Dynasty ran unopposed for Triumvir and was elected by a 79% majority vote in a Confirmation Election.

Not to be out-done, however, Doc Miles decided to also run unopposed in the [b]Court Officer[/b] elections. Seriously, it was a lazy, lazy month for democracy. The Doc received a tidy 86% approval from the voters in his Confirmation Election and was comfortably returned as Court Officer.

So after all that, you can check out our current Government line-up below.

[color="#FF0000"]Triumvirate: Dynasty, Cable77, Jadoo1989[/color]

[color="#0000FF"]Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): Pourquoi
Deputy: Mr. Vacant[/color]
[color="#00FF00"]Minister of Towels (Economy): Draden
Deputy: Mrs. Vacant[/color]
[color="#FF8000"]Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): Queen Hoopdy the 1st
Deputy: AvengingAngel256[/color]
[color="#8000FF"]Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): priya91
Deputy: The Ultimate 747[/color]
[color="#FFFF00"]Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): madspartus
Deputy: Scorn[/color]

[color="#00FFFF"]Speaker of the HHA: AndyDe
Legislator of the HHA: Scorpio[/color]

[b]Court Officers:[/b]
El Presidente
IYIyTh
doc miles

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]Recruitment Contest Winners[/size][/b][/color]
As announced last month our Deputy Minister of Bad Poetry, The Ultimate 747, ran a successful new contest for Hitchhikers to create exciting and creative new Recruitment Messages for our Recruiting Department. What we didn't announce last month, however, was who the winners of the competition were. So, in no particular order, here are our winners from the Recruitment Contest:

The King
BruinyThePresident
Infested Nexus

Congrats guys on having the best messages! Your work has already been included in our recruiting templates and are helping the MHA become a much bigger family. If you would like to see some of their work, feel free to drop your AA and indicate your desire to be recruited. I'm sure out of the 100's of messages and tech raid declarations you receive, you'll eventually find our contributions.

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]The Graduates[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: The King and Rugby[/i]
Surprising as it might be for some, and certainly not helped at all by the publication of this newsletter, not everyone in the MHA are useless drunks. In fact, we have a whole program dedicated to fast-tracking active new member nations up the ranks of the MHA and Planet Bob. Said nations are put through an extensive and expansive regime of nation building, education, and mentoring.

At the end, those who don't go absolutely insane are kindly asked to leave. The rest have all successfully graduated.

This month, we'd like to celebrate our recent Mentor Plus Graduates. They have all been put to the test and passed with flying colors. In no particular order, please send your congratulations to our newest Graduates:

Evangeline
Benmecha
Lollipop
King of the Land
The King
Morbo
Gon

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]What is a hoopy frood? - Part One[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Rugby [/i]
Recently, during an argument about an argument, or something of that nature, a new and distinctively more far-reaching topic of discussion was formed. A topic that goes to the very heart of what is a Hitchhiker and indeed, who are the Mostly Harmless Alliance. We have often called ourselves many names, given our alliance many descriptions, and in turn been attributed some names (not always nice ones either, ya big meanies!) as well.

The most common term we use is "Hoopy Frood" but when it came to define what exactly that is (especially in the context of our alliance), there came debate as to it's meaning and application to us. Some believe such a concept could not be defined by us mere mortals; others believed we should look to our great historical text for inspiration; while others were so drunk they'd just had it off with their cousin.

I'm of the school of thought that we should look, as always, to Douglas Adams. Adams was, and shall always be, a hoopy frood. And several of his characters were the very definition of hoopy froods, and more to my point, the novel gave us exactly what that definition is:

[quote]
[i]hoopy:[/i] really together guy;

[i]frood:[/i] really amazingly together guy.
[/quote]

For further analysis, I'd like to look at who embodies the definition of a hoopy frood, looking at Ford Prefect, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Trillian, and finally Douglas Adams himself.
[center][img]http://c3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/137/l_2bce619452cd4d9b8a6dbfdcd9f068f6.jpg[/img][/center]
[i][b]Ford Prefect[/b][/i] was often looking for a party, at a party, drunk, or looking to be drunk. He knew what was hip and happening. He was also a skilled and intelligent hitchhiker, often providing information and explanation to his friends as they traveled through their many adventures and interstellar destinations. He was proactive in saving their lives as well, often rescuing Arthur from certain death. He displayed bravado and cunning, his insight into the Universe meant he could get them out of most sticky situations. And when death looked imminent (though oddly, never really was), he could be relied upon for a sing-a-long death chant or joke. He certainly did not panic, and was certainly an amazingly together guy.

As the saying goes, Ford Prefect always knew where his towel was. An important characteristic of a hoopy frood.

Not anyone can call themselves a hoopy frood, nor can one simply be utterly charming while utterly drunk and be called a hoopy frood. It takes a certain mix of humor, intelligence, self-awareness, cool, and reliability to be a true frood and Ford Prefect embodies that spirit perfectly. And so we should all try to be a little like Ford Perfect, even if we have to drink copious amounts of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters to do it!

[u]Next Month:[/u] Zaphod Beeblebrox.

[color="#4040FF"][b][size="6"]Just for Fun[/size][/b][/color]
[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]Previous Caption Competition Winner[/size][/b][/color]
Here's last month's Caption Contest image:
[spoiler][img]http://www.all4humor.com/images/files/Tasty%20Hamster.jpg[/img][/spoiler]
And here's the entries that were fit to print:

"Hunger tastes like rats"
[b]Kevanovia[/b]

"Are you crazy? NO... we can't tell your Mother about us!"
[b]Paulypoo[/b]

"Nothing Compares to rat Love"
[b]RaulCastro[/b]

"Lemmiwinks, you must find yourself out of this place or you'll surely die!"
[b]Rugby[/b]

[b][color="#BF8000"]Runners Up:[/color][/b]
1) "Hey Jimmy, You got a little something in your Teeth."
[b]RaulCastro[/b]

2) "I know he shouldn't have put it in there, but next time don't bite! "
[b]Antony[/b]

[b][color="#40BF00"]WINNER:[/color][/b]
"I'm in ur mouth, fixing ur cavities."
[b]Dexomega[/b]

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]New Caption Competition![/size][/b][/color]

This month's image is:
[img]http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j172/billtemple/cat.png[/img]

[b][u]Go On And Post Your Entries Below![/u][/b]

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]The Sub-Editor's Drinking...[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Pourquoi[/i]

The answer to the above question this week is 'Gin, copius and probably lethal amounts of gin.' For those of you who have lives of your own and don't therefore keep track of my goings on, I live in central Liverpool, about two minutes walk from a Lidl. For those of you unfamiliar with Lidl, allow me to bring you up to speed with it; it's cheap, ridiculously cheap. The food in the shop is scattered here there and everwhere, they don't have plastic bags and there's rarely more than one til open, but they're cheap. A money off token at Lidl means they have to pay you for buying the product.

Anyhoo, one of the things they sell cheaply is gin. They also sell vodka, sambuca cider, wine (if you can call it that) and pretty much all other alcoholic beverages so cheaply that my eyes boggle everytime I enter the store, but the only one I purchase with regularity (I've not bought anymore cider since I got 9 bottles in one go and had the staff so worried for my health they held an intervention) is gin.

So, over the last couple of weeks I've consumed quite a bit of gin, in various forms, so, here's a crash course guide into different ways of drinking gin:

1) On ice
- get a tumbler, fill it halfway with ice, stick a lemon in it, pour on gin, drink and be merry

2) With tonic
- ye olde gin & tonic is, as anyone who follows this column knows, my favourite drink. Though there are plenty of methods to making the perfect g&t, going with a highball glass, half filled with ice, 25-50ml of gin, topped up with (only the best) tonic and with a small drizzling of lemon or lime on top is a sure fire way to go.

3) The way james bond would have it
- I'm not an expert on James Bond cocktails (yet) but I believed he had it martini style with vodka & kina lillet. That being somewhat more extravegent than most people are able to create, I suggest ye plain old martini - 75% gin & 25% vermouth, stirred into a glass filled with ice - when James ordered his martinis shaken, he was ordering a weak drink, the amateur - then strain into the poshest looking glass you have, garnish with a lemon rind and drink.

4) Avec Limonade
- when in France last year I had gin with lemonade quite a bit, it's a really beautiful summer drink, serve with ice and garnish with a lemon, and only drink on a warm day.

There are of course other things you're 'legally ' allowed to drink gin with - although personally I consider most other methods a terrible waste. That said, I consider almost any 'non-G&T' related method an abomination, but hey ho.

Anyhoo, however you choose to drink your gin, enjoy!

Cheers

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]Weapon of Mass Demotivation:[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: The King, foreword by Rugby[/i]
There's nothing better than demotivation for fighting panic. You can't be bothered to panic if you, well, can't be bothered. And so in the on-going fight against the evil of Panic, we present to you the ultimate Demotivational Poster:

[img]http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j172/billtemple/demo1.png[/img]

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]Vogon Poetry[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]
Tasteless Tentacles Tantalize Tongues Tacking Tickling Taxes Turning Terrible Turncoats Tallying Traceable Tracks Training Trailers Trailing Tacky Things Telling Tall Tales Taming Ten Timorous Ticks Trapping Thirty-Three Tacks Taking Tumultuous Televised Trails Tirelessly Thwarting Those Tumbles Trundles Team Tied Tellurium Takes Timelessly. Indigo ignites indecent ingredients ingeniously impairing icky ice-sickles Ingesting innumerable inhumation indelibly inducting unscrupulous enumeration exciting energized enchiladas incredibly eliminating malicious milk jugs without remorseful reformation revitalizing riddles riddled with riddling rattles railing raw ranch dressing dubiously. Screams such sick sailors singing slightly shyly secret fulminations. LIAHM! LIAHM! Backwards it is! Fish find flutters fallings flawlessly fainting fixes fastening fatal fallacies forking fifty finalists filling factual filibusters filing fixed forty finances finitely flying fourth flint.


[img]http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j172/billtemple/cnBAY2.png[/img]
[i]Where our old trash can be YOUR treasure!*[/i]
[size="1"](*Treasure may not be included.)[/size]

[b]1) A Trade Deal - $15 million and 250 tech[/b]
Honestly folks, this is a STEAL for a trade deal. You'd be shocked at what some people are charging these days. Well don't go to those shonky operators, you can get A Trade Deal (Brand New With Tags) for the low, low price of only $15 million and 250 tech! Buy it now and we'll throw in a pair of Sith balls too!

Feedback: 58-page thread | 50%
[url="http://cgi.ebay.com/STAR-WARS-SITH-LORD-BOWLING-BALL-NEW-14LB-/230427615916?pt=Bowling&hash=item35a68e62ac#ht_566wt_1141"]Watch this item[/url]

[b]2) Jack-o-Lantern Collection - $10[/b]
A series of CN themed jack-o-lanterns left over from Halloween, now have no use. Featuring pumpkin replicas of Admin, the "Declare War" icon, several Sanctioned Alliance flags, and the complete series of charters from the MHA. Likely to rot very soon, use will be limited.

Feedback: 1,707 | 99.6%
[url="http://cgi.ebay.com/Dept-56-Large-Ravenswood-Jack-O-Lantern-Scary-Larry-/140357788079?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item20adf9e1af#ht_1650wt_926"]Watch this item[/url]

[b]3) Limited Edition Methrage Action Figure - $250[/b]
ACT FAST to get this Limited Edition Fully Pose-able Action Figure of Methrage taking on the forces of GOONS. Comes with accessories, including monkey-wrench, bullhorn, and smug satisfaction. Will only increase in value, so buy it now!

Feedback: 201 | 84.5%
[url="http://cgi.ebay.com/Von-!@#$%-T-Shirt-Red-Large-/200458944176?pt=US_CSA_MC_Shirts&hash=item2eac48beb0#ht_500wt_922"]Watch this item[/url]

[b]4) Ghost Trapper - $0.50[/b]
Large alliance wishes to sell whatever it is that attracts so many ghosts to its Alliance Affiliation. Product is guaranteed to collect hundreds of useless, non-member nations to your AA who will proceed to sit there and ignore all communication, or use your AA to go rogue and cause diplomatic incidents. Fun for the whole family!

Feedback: 12 | 100%
[url="http://www.mostlyharmlessalliance.com"]Watch this item[/url]

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]CNide and MHAppiness[/size][/b][/color]
[img]http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/breakitdown.gif[/img]

[color="#4040FF"][b][size="6"]The Last Word[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Rugby[/i]
We hope you've enjoyed this month's edition of Don't Panic and that our journalistic efforts and encouragement of alcoholism have torn you from the steely clutches of panic yet again. After all, in a world where a trade deal can cost you $15 million, it's good to have a virtual paper-bag in which to blow into when the world gets just a little too ridiculous. And don't forget that Panic is now our #1 enemy and anyone seen cavorting with it will be henceforth taken out back, tickled with feathers and hit with soft cushions until you come back to our side.

You heard me Panic. Your days are numbered!

See you next month hoopy froods!

[color="#8000FF"][b][size="5"]Staff Listing[/size][/b][/color]
Rugby, Editor, Reporter, Columnist.
Pourquoi, Sub-Editor, Columnist, Drunk
Dynasty, Columnist, Poet and he Definitely Knows It
The King, Columnist, Graduate, Demotivator Extraordinaire
Ford Prefect, Hoopy Frood

Edited by Rugby
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[quote name='Horatio Longworth' timestamp='1289799153' post='2513392']
A very good read. I enjoyed it. Well done.

15 for 250?! I wish I was tech seller at your place.
[/quote]
:blink: I believe it's meant to say "Trade" deal. These columnists and their afternoon cocktails, tsk tsk.

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[color="#0000FF"]Methrage? Methrage? Really?

When is the Rebel Virginia action figure coming out? I am genuinely interested. If I remember the description correctly it is able to be posed comes with a functioning grappling hook. The grappling hook is a must when it comes to battling the forces of injustice.[/color]

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[quote name='Rebel Virginia' timestamp='1289802184' post='2513432']
[color="#0000FF"]Methrage? Methrage? Really?

When is the Rebel Virginia action figure coming out? I am genuinely interested. If I remember the description correctly it is able to be posed comes with a functioning grappling hook. The grappling hook is a must when it comes to battling the forces of injustice.[/color]
[/quote]

My sources tell me there was a problem at the design study. They'd already put a lot of Awesome into the Action Figure but there was still heaps of Awesome remaining, and no one knew how they could put any more Awesome into it. They didn't wish to leave out the remaining Awesome, because it wouldn't be an accurate depiction, so they're a little stuck. Hopefully there'll be a resolution by the next edition.

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[quote name='Rebel Virginia' timestamp='1289802184' post='2513432']
[color="#0000FF"]Methrage? Methrage? Really?

When is the Rebel Virginia action figure coming out? I am genuinely interested. If I remember the description correctly it is able to be posed comes with a functioning grappling hook. The grappling hook is a must when it comes to battling the forces of injustice.[/color]
[/quote]

???

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[quote name='Rugby' timestamp='1289797544' post='2513372']
[color="#FF0000"]Triumvirate: Dynasty, Cable77, Jadoo1989[/color]

[color="#0000FF"]Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): Pourquoi
Deputy: Mr. Vacant[/color]
[color="#00FF00"]Minister of Towels (Economy): Draden
Deputy: Mrs. Vacant[/color]
[color="#FF8000"]Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): Queen Hoopdy the 1st
Deputy: AvengingAngel256[/color]
[color="#8000FF"]Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): priya91
Deputy: The Ultimate 747[/color]
[color="#FFFF00"]Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): madspartus
Deputy: Scorn[/color]

[color="#00FFFF"]Speaker of the HHA: AndyDe
Legislator of the HHA: Scorpio[/color][/quote]

My God it's like a rainbow, or a gay pride flag :P Congratulaminations to the new Harmless cabinet!!

Edited by mdnss69
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A Fine Edition!
I wish it had come out a few days sooner since I ran into some Gin this weekend and wasn't exactly sure what to do with it. (Not a Big Gin drinker meself. I prefer my Rum :P)

My Entry for the Caption Contest:
"Prayer Kitteh can has God?"

Also; Apparently the Methrage action figure has been recalled :P
[quote]This listing () has been removed, or this item is not available.[/quote]
However, I'm in Favor of using our massive bloated Alliance's economy to pump out a whole Line of these Actions Figures!
RV, Hoo, Archon, Cable, etc. I'm going to talk to the Minister of Towels and See if we can get this going :P

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[quote name='Rebel Virginia' timestamp='1289835394' post='2513598']
[color="#0000FF"]What? Have you ever tried battling the forces of injustice without a grappling hook? It's neigh impossible I tell you.[/color]
[/quote]
In MHA we often indulge in Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters before battling the forces of injustice and thus don't have the coordination to successfully use or operate a Grappling Hook. :P

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