Don't Panic #37

[Cable77]

[center][img]http://i336.photobucket.com/albums/n329/Dragonmack/logocg9ez4.png[/img]
[img]http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4134/4889366862_f8724402bc_z.jpg[/img]
[img]http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4122/4889366882_b472fd89de_z.jpg[/img]
[img]http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4078/4889366896_0d4f74ec28_z.jpg[/img][/center]

Definition of 'Late' in the dictionary;

1. Coming, occurring, or remaining after the correct, usual, or expected time; delayed: The bus is late.
2. a. Beginning after or continuing past the usual or expected hour: a late breakfast; a late meeting.
b. Occurring at an advanced hour, especially well into the evening or night: a late movie on television; the late flight to Denver.
3. Of or toward the end or more advanced part, as of a period or stage: the late 19th century.
4. a. Having begun or occurred just previous to the present time; recent: a late development.
b. Contemporary; up-to-date: the latest fashion.
5. a. Having recently occupied a position or place: the company's late president gave the address.
b. Dead, especially if only recently deceased: in memory of the late explorer.
[color=#00FFFF]6. The MHA's Don't Panic Newsletter.[/color]

[center][color=#4080FF] [b][size=6]Headlines[/size][/b] [/color]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]MHA Charter Changes[/size][/b][/color][/center]
[i]By: Scytale[/i]

This month we saw a new revolution in MHA! Yes, that’s a right, a revolution! We decided that we were tired of this thing called “Democracy”, it just wasn’t working. An elected triumvirate wasn’t cutting it, since we all hated elections! After all, who wants to decide who their leaders are? It just causes unneeded drama like campaigning and defeat. Thus, because of all these problems, the very wise Speaker of the Hitchhiker’s Assembly, Pourquoi, proposed an amendment to the charter that would abolish our democracy, and instate an emperor. As expected, it passed, though with 93% of the vote, 42% more than a majority! Of course, this meant that we had to pick an emperor, someone to entrust the sovereignty of MHA to. A simple poll was held, and the great Dynasty was chosen to be our first emperor!

All Hail Emperor Dynasty!

Please open this spoiler to see the rest of the article:
[spoiler]Oh, and I forgot to mention, that this article is this month’s hoax! Democracy ftw![/spoiler]

[center][color=#8000FF][b][size=5]42*333,333.33![/size][/b][/color][/center]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]

42 times 333,333.33 is roughly 14,000,000! And do you know why that's important? Because MHA has broke 14,000,000 total NS! That's right, the largest alliance just got that much larger! Grab a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, sit back, and write some poetry because it's party time! Congrats on a job well done MHA!

[center][color=#4080FF] [b][size=6] Elections[/size][/b][/color][/center]

[center][color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Triumvir Elections[/size][/b][/color][/center]
[i]By: Scytale[/i]

This month we saw a our first ever confirmation vote for a triumvir! It all started when only two people nominated for triumvir, Dynasty and IYIyth. IYIyth, not meeting the charter requirements for the position, applied to the MHA court for an exemption to run against incumbent Dynasty. However, the court denied IYIyth’s exemption request, citing that he didn’t even meet the requirements to receive an exemption of the regular requirements for triumvir. Thus, Dynasty was left to face an alliance-wide confirmation vote, and with 91% of the people in favor of Dynasty’s confirmation, he was elected for another three months as triumvir. Congrats to Dynasty on winning a second term! I’d like to wish him the best with continuing to lead our great alliance.

[center][color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Court Elections[/size][/b][/color][/center]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]

We saw a hotly contested court elections this month, with IYIyth facing off against Doc Miles. With IYIyth being denied candidacy for triumvir, he threw his name in the hat for the position of court officer. Doc Miles, the incumbent court officer, also threw his name in the hat for another term. Both had solid campaigns, and campaign signatures, something normally only seen for triumvir elections, even appeared for the race. In the end, Doc Miles pulled ahead with 51% of the vote! Congrats to Doc Miles on a close win, and a big thank you to IYIyth on a well fought election!

[center][color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Ministry Changes[/size][/b][/color][/center]
[i]By: Pourquoi[/i]

With an unopposed Triumvirate contest we have an unchanged Triumvirate. All our Ministers are also unchanged, as is the Court and the Assembly.

We do have some good and bad news in the Deputy positions though. The good news is that we have a new MoDF in the way of long time member, former Commander and all round MoDF veteran, Scorn.
Sadly though, we lose former DP staffer, Cormalek, from the position as Deputy MoBP due to his nation being deleted. Sniff.

So, the relatively unchanged MHA government now stands thusly;

[color=#FF0000]Triumvirate: majorddf, Dynasty, Cable77[/color]

[color=#4000FF]Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): unpronounced
Deputy: qldvespanut [/color]
[color=#40FF00]Minister of Towels (Economy): Jadoo1989
Deputy: kippa tarxien [/color]
[color=#FFBF00]Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): Yankeefan2
Deputy: AvengingAngel256 [/color]
[color=#8000FF]Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): priya91
Deputy: VACANT [/color]
[color=#FFFF00]Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): madspartus
Deputy: Scorn [/color]

[color=#40FFFF]Speaker of the HHA: Pourquoi
Legislator of the HHA: AndyDe [/color]

[color=#FFFFFF]Court Officers:
El Presidente
Teufel
doc miles[/color]

[center][color=#4080FF] [b][size=6] Within the Alliance[/size][/b] [/color][/center]

[color=#8000FF] [size=5][b][center]Interview with Cable (maybe)[/center][/b][/size][/color]
[i]By: Neptunebyte[/i]

[spoiler]<Neptunebyte> hello
<Cable77[MHA]> hi
<Neptunebyte> alright this should take about... forever
<Neptunebyte> or 10 minutes
<Cable77[MHA]> heh
<Neptunebyte> What was your first thought when you became a trium?
<Cable77[MHA]> hooray
<Cable77[MHA]> I am become death
<Neptunebyte> wise words
<Cable77[MHA]> lol
<Neptunebyte> Next question, what is your favorite flavor of Pan-Galactic gargle Blaster?
<Cable77[MHA]> blue
<Neptunebyte> IQ is 1000
<Neptunebyte> Would you save either Whoopi Goldberg, or Rosie O'Donald?
<Cable77[MHA]> whoopi
<Cable77[MHA]> at least she's funny
<Neptunebyte> Einstine would have your babies
<Neptunebyte> last question
<Neptunebyte> If peter picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many peppers would he pick?
<Cable77[MHA]> 42
<Neptunebyte> KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!
<Cable77[MHA]> lol
<Neptunebyte> that concludes our exploration of a phsicotic madman
<Neptunebyte> OR IS IT!
<Cable77[MHA]> heh heh
<Neptunebyte> good night[/spoiler]
[i]Edited by the Editor. Well, that is his job...[/i]

[color=#8000FF] [size=5][b][center]Goodbye to the Mailman[/center][/b][/size][/color]
[i]By: Scytale[/i]

Hey! The mail’s here. It’s been a while. I wonder what happened. Bills, bills, coupons, you could be a millionaire, bills, election notice, get rich quick by sending me $500, chain letters, voodoo cursed bill, Thanks for all the fish from RulerBob, eviction notice, own your own custom built planet, bills, A hyperspace bypass is being built through your system, Gramlins got peace, I’m a rich Nigerian prince with cash and I need your help, bills… wait what?

Yes, it seems our trusty mailman left the MHA. The mail delivery service was interrupted for a bit as we adjusted. GoofyusMaximus eventually stepped up and took on the job RulerBob left behind. RulerBob announced he was leaving CN a while back and he stayed on for such a long time giving away money, tech and the occasional soldiers to MHA members that we forgot to give him a proper tribute to a long time member and one of the top 10 in the MHA. We had already said our goodbyes when he first posted and this article should have been in last episode of the Don’t Panic (we’re boldly going where no Don’t Panic lateness has gone before) but we simply forgot.

RulerBob took on the job of mailman because he wanted to help out the alliance but wanted to make sure whatever he took on, he could do well with RL pressures to consider. Thus he became the MHA mailman. After 3+ years of playing the game, he decided to move on from the game. As his nation was one of MHA’s top 10, when RulerBob finally deleted, the MHA chart took a hit.

Well, so long, happy trails and good luck in RL. We’ll miss you.


[center][color=#4080FF] [b][size=6]Around the CN World[/size][/b] [/color][/center]
[color=#8000FF] [size=5][b][center]NSO War[/center][/b][/size][/color]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]

Just as the last few remnants of the Second Unjust War, aka BiPolar War, had just ended, a new war came about! (Of course, I am skipping all of the little micro wars). RoK has declared war on NSO, over what appears to be 6 million dollars. It all started when a small nation applied to NSO, and then attacked a few nations of RoK's protectorate, TENE. At TENE's request, RoK immediately began to engage the rogue, and told NSO that aiding the rogue would be seen as a declaration of war. Not long after, NSO aided the nation with 6 million dollars. RoK said that NSO purposely aided a rogue, while NSO accuses RoK of not giving them enough information about the nation for NSO to justify not sending them aid.

NSO has since stated that they do not want this war to escalate, and has thus requested that their allies do not participate in the conflict. We’ll be sure to keep you all updated with our late, long delayed, and overdue newsletters! Until next time, be sure to watch the OWF for the reports that we will summarize.

Happy fighting!

[color=#8000FF] [size=5][b][center]TAB Merger[/center][/b][/size][/color]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]

On July 19, 2010, our long time friends and allies, The Aquatic Brotherhood, decided to merge into MHA. As quoted by Commander John, "For some time now the real world has pulled many of TAB's finest away, which is the reason that this merger has come to pass."

However, even as TAB is now part of MHA, we will never forget the fun times we've had with our great friends and allies. Luckily, they decided to merge into us, so we really don't have to say "Good Bye"; rather, we can say "Welcome". As such, all of us here on the Don't Panic staff would like to extend our warmest welcome to some of our newest members from TAB.

You can read more about the merger here: [url]http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=89298[/url]


[center][color=#4080FF] [b][size=6]Just for Fun[/size][/b] [/color][/center]

[center][color=#8000FF] [b][size=5]Caption Contest Winner[/size][/b] [/color][/center]
[i]By: Pourquoi[/i]

In our last edition was the following image:
[img]http://moranmustangs.org/philg/files/2010/02/funny-cat.jpg[/img]

Confusing enough as such an image is, we muddied the matter further by asking for entries into a caption competition for the above image. Below are a selection of the best entries, along with the winning entry and runner-up. The winner is entitled to claim a 3mil prize from the editor, me, Pourquoi whilst the Runner-up has the honour of knowing they were nearly as funny as the winner.

[u]Entries deemed 'Printworthy':[/u]

"Samurai Cat is not amused by your silly antics."
AvengingAngel

"Pourquoi, I choose you to be my next victim! Come closer so that I may smite you..."
Bbott

"All paws on deck! Prepare the quinine and Tanqueray!"
Lord Benzino

"The Cat Crusade... God wills it!"
Coverzin

[u][color=#40FF80]Runner-up:[/color][/u]
"Coconut the Cat: Put the lime in the coconut not on the Coconut you fools! Damn! I hate when master throws a house party."
LeonidasRexII

[color=#FFBF00][b][u]Winner:[/u][/b][/color]
"Oh yeah..Haha...Very Funny. Dress up kitty whilst I'm sleeping. Let's see who's laughing when YOU go to sleep 'soft skinned human"
qldvespanut

Please find our next Caption Comp below. Once again, the best entries will be in the next edition, and the entry judged best may win a prize... (I say *may*.)

[center][color=#8000FF] [b][size=5]Caption Contest[/size][/b] [/color][/center]
[i]Posted By: Neptunebyte[/i]

[img]http://www.hilariousheadlines.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/funny-soccer.jpg[/img]

[i]Please post entries on the OWF forum, MHA forums or message Pourquoi directly. The Editor's decision is rarely final, but is in this instance.[/i]

[center][color=#8000FF] [b][size=5]Demotivational poster[/size][/b] [/color][/center]
[i]Posted by: Andrew Eacorn[/i]

[img]http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2009/5/10/633775461428259785-War.jpg[/img]

[center][color=#8000FF] [b][size=5]Vogon Grammar[/size][/b] [/color][/center]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]

therefore Im goin too hav somthing rong wih ech werd er grup uf wurds ind punktuashion? Partlly cuz voeguns mast yahoose bhad gramr ef theae cant mak desent sentenses right. U nos Im rate,! Sus wuts ewws sais! kous mailc taists yaumai n deelesus? da scie es bloo cuz blu iss dee ownly ting dat gos troo da atmoesfear culer whys] Voguns rool att potree 4 evors?

[center][color=#8000FF] [b][size=5]Vogon Poetry[/size][/b] [/color][/center]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]

Grassy Granite glacier glances gallantly glazing gorgeous gorges gauging gaining glossy giantess gamma gargling gaseous gambling goo googlbly guessing gooses guarding grand gerrymandering gnomes gunning goony ganging gardenlike golden giraffes gregariously gaming gladly groaning greedily graining googling geese grease garbs. Treacherous trampolines track trailing tailing tales talking tumultuously telling tacky tofu twofers tangibly tainting tiny ticks tearing trolley tracks training train tans tarring trekking tenfold tents toothlessly throwing tame tangling trombones tricking tunes tuning ten taco teachers tanning tickled tours traffic tofu teaming tellerous tumbling tokens teetering tweeting twins tessculleslly tusking tetracameral tenants.

[center][color=#8000FF] [b][size=5]The Editor's Drinking...[/size][/b] [/color][/center]
[i]By: Pourquoi[/i]

This is a rather different edition of TED (my new acronym for this article). Usually the editions are a recounting of a particular mixed drink that I've been drinking more than most that week (or somepoint between issues). This week however I must confess that I've not been drinking many mixed drinks, instead I've been on the cider, and something tells me than an article on the fascinating distinctions between Blackthorn and Strongbow ciders wouldn't make a good article.

I came close to raiding my drinks cabinet and making something up on the spot to have something to write about, but realised at the last moment (my hand moments away from pouring half a bottle of cointreau onto a whisky and lime juice base) that I'd had a cocktail about two weeks ago today which was worth reconting.

It was the turn of the month, and I was at a music festival in Derbyshire. Many people will not know where Derbyshire is, including people who live in Derbyshire. It's basically a county in the middle of England famous for a motorway that runs through it and a national park.

The music festival I was at was in the national park - having it on the motorway might have been dangerous. It wasn't a particularly large festival, but it was a most enjoyable chance to watch B-D list Indie & folk bands play in the middle of a field in the rain. Another highlight of the festival was that it had a 'cocktail tent' where one could create their own cocktail.
My eyes lit up at the sight and its fair to say I wasn't ever very far away from it throughout the weekend.

Most of my time in the tent was spent drinking variations on the theme of vodka, peach schnapps and a fruit juice. And it wasn't until the last day that I decided to be adventurous and try something different. So, I got a friend to make me a cocktail which I instructed should not include vodka, peach schnapps, OJ or cranberry juice. The result was a coconut liquor and rum drink, which appeared light blue - thanks to the addition of blue curacao. It was certainly much different to what I was used to. It was creamy, quite dry in the aftertaste, but still slightly fruity and sweet. It was also very hard to detect a taste of alcohol in it, even although the barman estimated it to contain about 4 units of alcohol a glass (these were fairly big glasses, but still).

I'm not a fan of either rum or coconut, but I was quite impressed with the drink. Its not the sort of thing I would drink regularly, but I'm glad I had it, and as a one off would certainly enjoy it again.

I was not able to get the exact measurements used, but I do know it included:
Rum (don't know what kind, may have been two types)
Coconut Liquor
Blue Curacao
Lime Juice
Pineapple Juice
Ice
Garnished with a cherry and slice of orange

I've not been able to find the drink on the internet after a quick search on google. The barman called it something like a '*something* caribbean blue'. Anyhoo, the name's not important, with cocktails names are often changed around for different things. Needless to say, if anyone likes the look of the above drink I urge them to go for it, and tell me what measures you use so I can make one for myself

Cheers

[center][color=#8000FF] [b][size=5]Interview with: Doctor Octagonapus[/size][/b] [/color][/center]
[i]By: Doctor Octagonapus[/i]

[spoiler]Q: Doctor, why are you the Don't Panic spell-checker?
A: DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*Technical difficulties, please stand by*[/spoiler]

[center][color=#4080FF] [b][size=6] Closing[/size][/b] [/color][/center]

A lot's happened over the last month. We've had some good members leave us, had some great new memebers join us. The alliance is still #1 in CN (continuing proof that miracles do happen) and more importantly, the MHA continues to be the hoopiest thing this side of the crab nebula.

See you next month from all here at DP. In the meantime, Don't Panic!

[color=#8000FF] [b][size=5] Staff Listing[/size][/b] [/color]

Pourquoi, Editor, brought to you in association with the Hitchhiker's Assembly & Fleet 3.
Scytale, Editor, brought to you because Pourquoi was too busy to post up a draft this week.
Dynasty, Vogon Poet, brought to you in association with the MHA Triumvirate.
Bbott, Interviewer Extraordinaire, brought to you via a highspeed intergalactic relay from the MHA Library.
Qldvespanut, Columnist & Caption Comp winner, brought to you in association with the MHA Mentoring Programme.
Doctor Oct, Sub-Editor, brought to you via Microsoft Word 2009 spellchecker.
Neptunebyte, Interviewer & Caption Setter, brought to you thanks to funny images everywhere.

With thanks to The King, toffe, Bojangles, Cable77 and everyone who entered the last Caption Competition.

[Moridin]

[quote name='Cable77' timestamp='1281904981' post='2416940']This month we saw a our first ever confirmation vote for a triumvir! It all started when only two people nominated for triumvir, Dynasty and IYIyth. IYIyth, not meeting the charter requirements for the position, applied to the MHA court for an exemption to run against incumbent Dynasty. However, the court denied IYIyth's exemption request, citing that he didn't even meet the requirements to receive an exemption of the regular requirements for triumvir. Thus, Dynasty was left to face an alliance-wide confirmation vote, and with 91% of the people in favor of Dynasty's confirmation, he was elected for another three months as triumvir. Congrats to Dynasty on winning a second term! I'd like to wish him the best with continuing to lead our great alliance.[/quote]

Is this for real? Couldn't he have applied for an exemption from the requirements for applying for an exemption from the requirements for running? Either way, I applaud you on your enormous bureaucracy.

[Alterego]

When you ditching your harmlin graphics? It doesnt exist anymore. Light on Gramlins.

[priya91]

[quote name='Alterego' timestamp='1281906800' post='2416967']
When you ditching your harmlin graphics? It doesnt exist anymore. Light on Gramlins.
[/quote]

We are working on it. Since you seem so eager, you'll be the first one to be notified when our new pip is ready.

[Deadshot]

Only two people running for triumvir?

Nevertheless, good issue guys. I enjoy reading these.

[caligula]

[quote name='Moridin' timestamp='1281905972' post='2416958']
Is this for real? Couldn't he have applied for an exemption from the requirements for applying for an exemption from the requirements for running? Either way, I applaud you on your enormous bureaucracy.
[/quote]
It's just written whinily.
We have exemptions based on certain criteria, I havn't been back in the game long enough and since no one was running against Dynasty thought, "why not?." Exemptions are common and several Triumvirates have applied for exemptions and have been elected.

Dynasty was running unapposed, and I thought to myself that any good Republic requires a multitude of candidates to avoid stagnation and demagogouery.

Mine was pretty lulzy and included pictures of Dr. Evil, and various other things, but did well to cite my nearly year and a half of service to the MHA in government.

Three months just wasn't gonna cut it, tho.



Great article though, best in a while.

(For you NATOANS out there, this was my closest election (the court one,) since the Defense position I lost out to what's his face in a tie determined by the council.)

Edited August 16, 2010 by caligula

[pd73bassman]

Nice read MHA

[Maelstrom Vortex]

I shall sift their economy dry.. by winning all the caption contests.. Yessssssss....

[Pourquoi]

Feel free to post caption contest entries here.

[quote name='Moridin' timestamp='1281905972' post='2416958']Either way, I applaud you on your enormous bureaucracy.
[/quote]

The moment I fill out the appropriate paperwork I will totally object to that.

[quote name='Wentworth the Brave' timestamp='1281921155' post='2417254']
Only two people running for triumvir?[/quote]

The incumbent was a Don't Panic staffer. Seeing as he had the MHA's massive media empire on his side, no one else bothered to challenge him.