The 12 days of Christmas!

[John Warbuck]

An Official ADI Announcement

Greetings Planet Bob,

As a relatively new, and unknown alliance on Cybernations, the Aqua Defense Initiative has decided to make every effort possible to allow you to get to know us better. I know that over the past 3 months, specific dates have been really important to ADI. By the way, if you don't want to read everything, just check our video here-

It will save you 20 minutes.

So what better way of doing that is there than making an ADI Government calendar? When we thought up the idea, we just knew that it would be ingenious. Not only will you get to know our government members better, but you'll have a nice sexy calendar as well. So, out of the goodness of our hearts, we give you-

The Aqua Defense Initiative 2010 Calendar.

Mr. January- JDorian

JDorian is a Sentinel and the Lord of Finance in ADI. But, despite these fairly good things, he is the worst coder I've ever seen. Just take a look at the forums. If he puts his little "coder" hands in them, they'll look like the LGBT Flag, and will be as practical as communism. Here's the difference between him and normal people:

Normal coder: My program won't work, I must have written it incorrectly.

JDorian: My program won't work, the computer must hate me. Let's go have a drink

He's the only guy I've ever seen trying to debug a simple "Hello World" program and he thinks that HTML is the acronym for "hommies tell many legends". And the only knowledge of girls that he has is through php:

touch("Hot Girl");
sleep("with hot girl");

And what shows that despite his epic sucking as a coder, he still has no life, is this thing that i got from a poster in his room(or parent's basement, call it how you like):

if($girl['looks'] == "hot"){
if($beer == "cold"){
$life = "Sorted!";
}elseif(function_exists($girl_get_beer) == true){
if(msg_send ($girl['job_que'], 1, 'Get me a beer out of the fridge!') === false){
$life = "Get a new girl!";
}
}else{
array_push($girl['functions'], 'get_beer');
}
}else{
$life = "Get a new girl!";
}
echo $life;

PS: if you understand what's up there, you have no life, either.

But really, let's give JDorian a hand. Without him we wouldn't have the ADI forums, and life would be sad, due to us not being able to notice his coding fail every time the forums crash.

Written by ratonbox

Mr. February- Pikachurin

What can I really say about Pikachurin? I mean yeah, I am roasting him, but good lord if I wanted dinner I didn't expect it to be a Poke'Mo . . . *thinks* Oh wait, I'm sorry. That's right; a roast, a comedy type troupe. Ok. Well Pikachurin has been a great asset in the alliance. A lot of people believe I'm off by two letters, but I think he's alright next to George Bush.

If you notice, I have to use quite a bit of filler for this speech, because there really isn't much to say about Pikachurin, except that he's electrifying, I mean just thinking about his ugly face can give you a jolt to the cranium! I think about him all the time, like one of those car wrecks- the kind you don't want to look at but you can't help yourself.

But in all trueness to the facts Pikachurin is one hell of a Poke'Mo . . . I mean guy. He is sheer electricity, I swear, with the sheer number of posts that he makes on our forums, combined with his constant edits on CN wiki and his OWF posts, the little bugger has to be made of electricity. I do know that Warbuck plugged him into his powergrid to reduce the electric bill. Now all we need is free cable and internetz and we are settled in for good guys.

But in all seriousness, without a doubt Pikachurin has been a good friend and a close ally in this alliance of ours. Pikachurin, you are a hell of a guy and everyone in ADI loves you man, don't ever stop doing what you are doing. *Whispers* Especially when we get free damn electricity.

Written by Kaplechistan

Mr. March- John Warbuck

I first heard of John Warbuck as a fledgling member of The Democratic Order. In fact, when I looked through the forums all I saw was posts from this Warbuck character. Every part of the forums had nothing but posts from Warbuck, Warbuck, Warbuck. He was all over the blasted forums and I thought to myself; no wonder no one else posts much, they can’t even get a word in because this guy won’t shut up.

Anyway, there was this rabid band of Warbuck groupies, sort of like a cult that followed Warbuck around... What a bunch of nut-hugging losers! They decided to start their own alliance and left TDO to form ADI. I only joined them just because I felt sorry for a talentless group of schmucks. They all had funny names too, like Bobogoobo. What the hell is that? Baby talk? And Yuurei, is that like Blu-Ray? Then there is that Icelandic dude whose name I can’t even pronounce. There are a few other founders I didn’t mention, but they’re all so stupid that they actually believed Warbuck when he told them that they would each get 72 virgins if they left TDO. Little did they know that Warbuck had already shagged the virgins and decided to keep them as his personal sex slaves.

Warbuck is all about the wimmins. He has wooed more cyber-beauties than the Saturday Night Live Ladies Man; although, when they find out about his evil plans, they go flip-out and tell everyone in the cyber-verse how he is a monster that is trying to take over Planet Bob! Of course, if you’ve ever seen John, he does kind of resemble Dr. Evil from those Austin Powers movies.

Another thing about Warbuck, he is as dumb as a post. My beer can has a higher I.Q. than this guy. He thinks that a solid-state hard drive is a very heavy car without power steering and that HTML is a type of sexually transmitted disease. This is a guy who thinks that You Tube is a type of sex toy. Seriously? This moron is the leader of our alliance! FEAR wanted us to make a recruitment video for them. When I asked John how much he thought we should charge FEAR for a recruitment video, he said, “One Million Dollars!” I mean, one million dollars doesn’t even buy you a cheeseburger on Planet Bob, c’mon. We’re completely screwed with this dumbass at the helm.

Make no mistake, you don’t want to mess with Mr. Warbuck. He is from Chicago after all. Just think of a cross between Al Capone and Mr. T. He will send the A-Team after you and then hide the body where no one can find it. And like Capone, this guy really likes his bootleg liquor. In fact, if you know Warbuck, you know that he is perpetually smashed. John makes an Olympic sport out of drunken Internet Relay Chat. It gives drunk-texting a whole new meaning. If Warbuck spent as much time in his girlfriends as he does in the bottle, he would probably be able to keep one. Notice I said girlfriends. John’s little black book makes the Chicago area phonebook look like a sales flyer. For such an ugly mug, he certainly gets a lot of tail.

Really though, John Warbuck is a great guy and we are fortunate to have him as our leader. After all, when he screws up, we need someone to blame.

Written by Nathan Grant

Mr. April- Yuurei

Yuurei is the Lord of Foreign Affairs for the Aqua Defense Initiative. I figure that as long as I keep him busy abroad, the other members of ADI will have a break. I do have to give it him though- the man started out with nothing... and he still has most of it left! He knows how to hold onto his assets though. He told his kids Santa got killed in a midair collision so he wouldn't have to buy them Christmas presents.

Yuurei was such an ugly baby his mother tried to put him up for adoption and keep the placenta. He wasn't the brightest child either. He thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican Phone Company. I mean, really- who else would think that Moby Dick is a type of venereal disease? Let's just say he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

I've had the opportunity to see Yuurei grow as a person and a leader. He used to be arrogant and obnoxious, but now he's just the opposite: he's obnoxious and arrogant. He's been known to do a lot of soul searching. So far, he hasn't found one. He's so tight that when he farts only dogs can hear it. He’s also afraid nobody will remember him when he’s gone. Gee, I can think of several reasons he’ll be remembered. He wouldn’t like any of them, but I can think of them.

But in all seriousness, Yuurei has been a huge part of ADI's success in Foreign Affairs, even if he has the tendency to speak his mind a little too often... which would explain all those long silences.

Written by John Warbuck

Mr. May- Magister Populi

I've known Magister Populi for 293 days, and to be honest, that is about 293 days too many. My relationship with him began back in TDO, where he went all King Leonidas on me and thought that his noobish 300 men, painted on abdominal muscles, and crack cocaine were enough to defend his growing nation. I kept assuring him that he would need more men with more infrastructure, but he continually argued with me, claiming that he had more soldiers than I did.

Go figure, he is teaching ADI's noobs now. God help us, seriously. When we reach 300 members, each member will have 1 soldier defending their nation, and the entire alliance will be in anarchy. Talk about being in a hairy situation.... although that's not as bad as Magister's arms. No, that isn't Don King in a headlock- it's Magister's hair!

Magister is a very hard worker. You just don't want to get him side tracked, or he'll start telling you "This is madness!" and "This is MoIA!!!!" before sending you into the pit of doom. He needs to get a better pit though- all that's down there are hookers, which is why I frequently do all I can to piss Magister off in hopes that he will send me down there again.

In serious mode though- Magister is a great founder and a great Lord of Internal Affairs. I've known him since I mentored him, and I like to think that I made a decent clone of myself in him to be able to teach others. Although, my charming looks got messed up somewhere in that cloning process....

Written by John Warbuck

Mr. June- Archon Daverin

Archon Daverin is one of the Co Founders of the Aqua Defense Initiative. In his free time, he pretends that he is a "cookie wizard". Although, as you can tell, I doubt the cookies are as "pretend" as he leads on. I also noticed that his "cookie shield" spell is in reality, the result of him passing gas and corroding anything that might have a chance of reaching him. It amazes me sometimes- how often the sight of him makes me want to throw up.

Archon Daverin has pretty high standards when it comes to women. He broke up with his last girlfriend because she wasn't his type- inflatable. I do know that he likes to put ice down his pants though. It keeps the crabs fresh. He may not look like much, but believe it or not he shows up many of the great thinkers of our age. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating. But at least he's disproved Darwin's theory of evolution.

But to be really serious, Archon Daverin is one of the most lovable and level headed people I know. His continuous generosity to the alliance is amazing and we'd be lost without him. Just don't ask him for a cookie....

Written by John Warbuck

Mr. July- Kaplechistan

Kaplechistan is the Champion Guardian of the Aqua Defense Initiative. This means that he won the contest against Freddy Kreuger and Bigfoot for ugliest man in the world. You got to give it to him though- Kaplechistan has no idea how ugly he is. Every time he looks in the mirror, his reflection ducks. I mean- seriously look at him! Anyone notice how when you look into Kaplechistan's eyes, you can see straight through to the back of his head?

Kaplechistan's parents still remember the exact moment he was born... because his face stopped all the clocks. I'm not saying he's ugly, but his mother had to put a pork chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him. They say your looks go as you get older. This gives Kaplechistan something to look forward to. There is a reason Kaplechistan is like this. He was deprived of a lot of things in his childhood. I believe oxygen was one of them.

I'll never forget the first time I met Kaplechistan. But I'm hoping the therapy will eventually work. I don't care if people do think he is ugly. I even hung his picture from my rearview mirror. It keeps car thieves away. I'd still like another picture of him to tape to my fork to help me lose weight. But all joking aside, without Kaplechistan, we'd be in pretty poor shape. Kaplechistan is one of my favorite members, and he will always be like a brother to me- even if he looks like he got into a fight with an electrical appliance while taking a bath.

Written by John Warbuck

Mr. August- Kingly

Kingly is ADI's Lord of Defense. Whenever I see him, I want to bow cause he's a king, and is always wearing a crown. Wait, that's his hair. Gross. But at least he's saving money on all that shampoo; good for him, the penny-pinching basterd. I mean he is a king, yet he is probably the most broke joke out there. Seriously, I know crackheads that have a better financial plan than this man! But you got to admit he is useful. I've yet to figure out how he is useful, but he is.

Kingly succeeded Andover as our Lord of Defense, and really, I don't think we progressed much. At least he doesn't have Andover's intellect. Andover had the intellect of the Titanic- it sank the first time out. Kingly has better brains, and the face of a Saint... Bernard! I mean, when you look at him you want to go Hamana Hamana WHOA!, Hell NO! When he was born, the doctor turned him over and told his parents they had twins.

But all in all, Kingly is a great Lord of Defense, keep up the good work there and man don't ever stop doing what you are doing because we need more of your cash when it comes in, I mean come on you didn't think it was really for being just you, please, love ya man!

Written by Kaplechistan

Mr. September- Nathan Grant

I'm here now to tell you all the wonderful things I can possibly think of to tell you about Nathan Grant. I actually thought about it for two weeks now, and I still don't have any material. I suppose my lack of material is appropriate though, due to Nathan's lack of a brain. I wish that I could say that he makes up for his lack of smarts with his looks, but I've seen him scare off entire packs of wolves with his smile.

Nathan is the only person I've seen with such amazing video making skills that has no videos of himself. This is mainly because he has broken over 15 cameras attempting to make such a horror film. At least he has an active imagination and is able to turn himself into a twisted robotic cyborg in order to lure in the babes. Although he usually has trouble keeping them because his robotic heart has trouble diverting his blood to certain areas of the body.

But aside all of these things, I can tell you that Nathan truly is a hard worker. He hardly works. Ok, maybe that was a little over the top, he does do SOME work, after he takes a 5 hour long nap and surfs internet porn for a while. But in all seriousness, Nathan Grant has been a great addition to this alliance. He is my go to guy for all my side projects (including the wonderful video you will see at the bottom of this announcement) and he always comes through. Thank you Nathan Grant, for putting up with us and all that you do!

Written by John Warbuck

Mr. October- ratonbox

Lets hear it for our newly elected Guardian, ratonbox. He's good at everything he does. Unfortunately, he doesn't do anything. Which is goo for him, since we know to much work might make his brain explode. Oh wait, did I say explode? I meant implode, since there is nothing there to possibly expand outwards. I mean he's so empty-headed he thinks people are always repeating themselves because of the echo.

Now in all honesty, Ratonbox isn't that bad, I mean what would you think of a guy who has to mark his socks to know which foot they go on. That must be a very confusing laundry day for him? Poor guy is 2 chicken nuggets short of a happy meal. I'm certainly glad Warbuck is about quality over quantity, because ratonbox doesn't have a huge supply of brain cells.

Now lets be serious for a minute, If it wasn't for ratonbox we wouldn't have our tech deals. Its a good thing he called HP tech support to verify his tech deals were still in tact. If he was running on Vista though, we'd be screwed.

Written by Masonic Handles

Mr. November- Bobogoobo

Bobogoobo, one of our sentinels, is a "Full time loser" just like his profile says. It not enough for him to be a loser, but he's dumb too, because he admits it. We still respect him as a friend even if he is the weirdest geek we've ever seen. The only moment he gets out of his room is when he buys new games. Oh yeah, and when he goes to school. But even then, he only pays attention to stuff, if it could help him in some of his games. For example, the only reason he ever payed attention in economics was so he could learn how to be a better merchant in Runescape and World of Warcraft.

That's why, I don't understand churches and 'family groups' that spend millions of dollars a year on abstinence-only instruction when a World of Warcraft account only costs fifteen dollars a month and has a much better record of ensuring virginity. Despite all that he is still a person i like chatting on IRC with, even if he does have some his awkward moments, like this one:

<@Bobogoobo[ADI]> I think I had a dream that I came into this channel and there were only like five people in it. lol

<+ratonbox[ADI]> don't you have normal dreams like the other people around here.. i mean, naked women, world domination and stuff?

<@Bobogoobo[ADI]> I wish

<@Bobogoobo[ADI]> Yesterday I had a dream that a circle came from the sky and sucked up everything, then a prism came down and made everyone puke

<+ratonbox[ADI]> i told you, you need to get out more..

<@Bobogoobo[ADI]> oh there were naked women in that one, for some reason

<+ratonbox[ADI]> oh god.. that's a twisted imagination you have there

<@Bobogoobo[ADI]> yeah lol but normally I don't have dreams, my brain must be making up for that by making them as weird as possible

But let's give it to Bobogoobo for being so damn loyal and for all he does for us. Plus, without Bobogoobo, we'd have to make fun of someone else, and I definitely don't want to take any chances with that.

Written by ratonbox

Mr. December- Leonidas68

What can you say about a man who is admired, revered, and loved by everyone? I can start by saying he’s not the man I’m honouring in this short address. When it came to writing this address I wasn’t short of material. Although most of it I’ve had to edit, throw away, burn or hand over to the police to help them with their enquiries. So this is what’s left over.

When Leonidas68 was born he was so ugly that the doctor slapped his mother. In all fairness though, a no one could have expected a baby to look like that. I once heard that Leonidas68 entered a beauty competition in his local newspaper, the Bristol Evening Standard, he came third place! Admittedly, he was beaten by a border collie and a street cleaner with only three of his original teeth left...

My first impression of Leonidas68 was a guy with a really distinctive fashion style and, being young and impressionable, I started to copy him in the sorts of things he used to wear - until my mother grounded me for taking clothes from her wardrobe and wearing her makeup. Apparently when he was young his two older sisters used to dress him up in their clothes for fun. Luckily they soon grew out of that; unfortunately, Leonidas68 didn’t grow out of that until he was thirty-eight...

But really, Leonidas68 is a really cool guy. His interests vary wildly; as a scout leader he feels an almost compulsive need to help old ladies...whether they like it or not. He takes his role very seriously; he was once arrested at airport security because he wouldn’t give up his official scouting knife until the officer said “please”.

Leonidas68 has proven himself to be full of determination, grit and unwavering loyalty: traits often found in Bristol City’s sixteen supporters. Seriously though Bristol City is like an old bra. It has no cups and little support. Even the Bermuda triangle is ahead of it in the league with its three points. As my trusted deputy for all these weeks Leonidas68 has never failed to give me his opinion. When I am right, I get angry. Leonidas68 gets angry when he is wrong. We are almost constantly angry at each other.

In all seriousness though, I don’t know if I could find a better Deputy or if ADI could find a better Guardian than Leonidas68. His level-head and balanced nature means that he always brings some well-needed, valued insight to any debate. I am lucky to have him as a Deputy and ADI is lucky that he serves so dutifully. I am truly honoured to call him a Deputy and a friend.

Written by Magister Populi

This just in!

ADI has broken the 1 million total Nation Strength barrier as an alliance! There will be kegs and dancing girls in #ADI on Coldfront to celebrate. We'd like to thank all our allies for taking the journey with us, and we look forward to our 2 million Milestone!

This is an amazing accomplishment. I gave these guys a huge goal- shooting for the stars in hope of hitting the moon. Well, they hit the stars! The A in ADI stands for Awesome today!

And just when you thought it was over....

ADI has turned 3 months old today! We've gone far and long places in these 3 months, and I couldn't be more proud of these guys! In celebration of ADI's 3 month anniversary, ADI voted on some awards, both internally and externally. Here are the results of those votes, and the rewards:

- Funniest Member- TnT Explosive

- Greatest Director- Masonic Handles (Recruitment)

- Greatest Lord- Yuurei (Foreign Affairs)

- Most Loved Member- Archon Daverin

- Most Valuable Member (Non Gov)- Masonic Handles

- Most Valuable Member (Including Gov)- This medal was awarded to me, John Warbuck. However, I would like to also give a shout out to my competition. I find it incredibly humbling that this amazing group of people who I owe all of ADI's success to would vote me to be their most valuable member. I'm nothing without all the amazing people surrounding me. Therefore, I would like to give a shout out to Kaplechistan- our Champion Guardian. As the leader of the legislative body of the alliance, he has been an amazing member and contributed a lot of heart and soul into this alliance!

- Most Loved Foreign Diplomat- La Famzy of Ragnarok

- Greatest Foreign Teacher- KaitlinK of Ragnarok

Thanks to all of the people that contributed to ADI's successful start and first three months. I know great things are to come because of all of the talent inside this alliance. Thank you also to our allies who have stood by us through thick and thin. We love you guys!

Ok... so I should probably wrap this up now. Thank you to anyone who is still reading this ridiculously long wall of text. Yeah, ADI has accomplished many things over the last 3 months, and instead of making 5 billion announcements as we went along, I wanted to save it all for one huge party. Thanks again to everyone who helped make this possible. To our protectors- RoK- you guys are awesome. To our friends at FEAR- thanks for helping our economy by purchasing a video from us!

And thanks to the rest of our allies- we love you all!

tl;dr- ADI is 3 months old and 1 mil NS, we celebrated by making fun of each other on the OWF in an amazingly long post. Then we gave out awards, and I got all sappy and emotional. That wasn't the only thing though, but instead of reading all that you see above, you could just look at our

. Trust me, it is awesome.

o/ ADI

Edited December 17, 2009 by John Warbuck

[kingly]

o/ ADI, onward to 2 mil!

[Bernkastel]

Congratulations to our allies at ADI!

A job well done! Onward to 2mil!

[Jerichoholic]

o/ ADI, you magnificent !@#$%^&*!

[Sooner]

Other than the calender, all good a show.

[darkfox]

Neat! May you get to 2mil swiftly.

[tobbogon]

I find this to be... a waste of space >.>

[Turetel]

I can't wait for the next Calendar! Mr. June might be expired by that time though (poor guy, that heart attack is going to be tough). I expect the two million announcement around Christmas, so do not disappoint!

o/ ADI It has been a real pleasure

[Joe Stupid]

Love the calendar!!

[supercoolyellow]

Congratz on such fast growth.

That calendar is crazy!

[Enrage]

congratulations guys

[Skippy]

I disapprove of your calendar. Strongly. Like, tear that down

Other than that, nice growth

[Masonic Handles]

ADI here we go, 2 mil strength just around the corner

[TnTExplosive]

THE CALENDAR IS AWESOME!!!! YAY ADI!!!! 2 Mill will be simple (optomistic)

Edited December 17, 2009 by TnTExplosive

[Axolotlia]

/o ADI!!

onward to 2 mill!

And a nice lol on the calender!

[John Warbuck]

Love the calendar!!

I'm glad you like it! Maybe we should shoot a RoK calendar for you guys. Hmm?

[michaelboy88]

Great job guys! Onwards and upwards to 2 mil! Only another 3 months to go!

[Canik]

o/ ADI

Best calendar on CN right thar. Keep up the awesome work!

[strelock]

congratz on the 1 mill mark, on ward to 2 mill.

[Locke]

What the $%&@ did I just read? Oh well.

o/ ADI

[jadoo1989]

Congratulations to all of our great friends at ADI on their well deserved milestone. You guys have proven exactly what hard work and perseverance can lead to. Keep doing what you do. I look forward to your future milestone posts. In them, I better get an award.

Great video, guys. Thanks for the shout out to MHA in it

[Acca Dacca]

Is there an uncensored version? I have a....friend...who would like to purchase some.

o/ ADI

o/ Aquaness

[Arrnea]

What the $%&@ did I just read? Oh well.

o/ ADI

This.

Congratulations anyway on the milestones, awards and such.

[bibliophile]

Long may you reign

o/ ADI

[Jgoods45]

Congratulations to our good friends in ADI! Onwards to 2 Mill

o/