Sardonic Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 (edited) Goon Order of Oppression Negligence and Sadism all right, we have a bunch of stuff to get through, and there's ice cream cake if you stay to the end. Let's get cracking: One MEEELION NS Honestly, numbers are meaningless. If we'd been born with one finger less on each hand, our big "woohoo, seven digits" celebration would have happened when we hit 262,144 NS, which is a bit of an anticlimax in terms of the numbers we know and love. But anyway, like the odometer on a truck when it rolls round again and you try to convince a gullible car buyer that your 1988 Silverado has only done 164 miles, GOONS has reached another of those entirely ceremonial milestones. After four and a half months back in the game, several near-diplomatic incidents, a handful of spies, and a change of pilot, GOONS has reached a combined NS of one million. To commemorate this, we're going to get drunk, scream at the sky, start a fight with next door's dog, throw a tequila bottle at the cops, and wake up the next morning entangled with someone of loose morals and looser clothing*. Alternatively, have a small and sedate party featuring a cupcake cake that someone bought at Costco and a brand of Asti Spumante that costs less per gallon than milk. Either way it will be in #cybergoons on synirc and we'd love to see you there. Sardonic decided to celebrate by purchasing one million party hats, and now he feels buyer's remorse. He's even made the dogs wear them *Oh come on, you knew we meant Potato before you even looked down here. Election Results A while ago, we were told about this funny thing called "democracy". You can't eat it, have sex with it, or fight it, so most of our members weren't that interested, but we thought we'd give it a go anyway. Elections were held and lazerc is now a member of our council. Congratulations to lazerc who passed his initiation with flying colors and didn't whimper even when shown the four foot oak initiation paddle Additionally, we had a shock this week as the alliance's secretariat Mert was found slumped dead over his big desk*. A replacement was sought and after we threatened to do his kidneys if he didn't agree, Salithus magnanimously offered to step up to the plate. His inaugural speech can be found here: True to form, Sal has already got drunk with power and started making appointments. Naguchanzilla has been appointed to the position of High Adjudicator (deals with the myriad tears of our enemies and bottles them to make a delicious punch), and Lace has been appointed to the position of Sexcretary (think Maggie Gyllenhaal interacting with Jame Spader, only with more spanking. She now has custody of the initiation paddle). * full disclosure, he may have just been asleep Recruitment policy In order to mark the milestone we have reached in terms of alliance size, we are making a number of changes in our recruitment policy. While we still want to make sure we admit people with the right mindset and attitude to be goons, we will no longer be requiring former membership in a Goon Order or membership of Something Awful in order to join. Interested and interesting parties apply to http://cn.goonbase.com or find us on IRC. We're not very good at making friends Another day, another crystal goblet full of tears. This time they come from an underaligned young chap called RandomTerror, who managed to talk himself a seat on The Train That Haven't Brakes. And the number two (appropriate) spot on our Enemies Of GOONS list. Follow along with his comedy of errors here (you have to be signed up on our forums to see it) A happy announcement We are happy to announce that our protectorate with the New Polar Order has expired. We are happy to announce this because it has been replaced by the following treaty: (we couldn't find our copy of the NpO flag so we made one) Black Ice Brotherhood Pact Article I: Nonaggression Both signatories will refrain from any form of hostile activity, hereafter defined as military force, internal subversion or espionage of any kind, against the other. Article II: Conduct Signatories of this pact pledge to show only respect and good will towards each other. While this will prohibit outright verbal hostility in all its forms, it will not restrict healthy debate or productive disagreement. Article III: Mutual Defense Should either signatory fall victim to an act of aggresion, they are well within their rights to request military support from the other signatory. Said military support is mandatory, except in cases where the the requestee is already engaged in war brought on by obligations to other current treaties and/or blocs. In such instances, military support is voluntary. Article IV: Optional Aggression Should either signatory find it necessary to commit an act of aggression upon a third party, they may request military support from the other signatory, though this request is under no circumstances an obligation. Article V: Assistance Should either signatory come into need of aid of either political or financial aid, they may request such support as is necessary from the other signatory. It is recognized, however, that this request is in no way an obligation. Article VI: Intelligence Should vital knowledge of a political or military nature come to the attention of one signatory, they are required to share it with the other. Article VII: Cancellation It is the hope of both signatories that this pact may last forever, or until the bond it represents grows to the point where an upgrade is merited. Given the uncertainties of the future, however, it is recognized that should any of the above Articles be violated, or should some major irreparable disagreement arise, that this pact may be canceled after 5 days notice. Signed for the New Polar Order, AlmightyGrub, Emperor Dajobo, Minister of Truth Ski11585, Minister of Plenty Darth Actorbass, Minister of Peace Swiper, Deputy Minister of Plenty Goalintos, Deputy Minister of Love Zbaldwin, Imperial Advisor Linden16, Foreign Affairs Officer Fallen_Fool, Foreign Affairs Officer Cookavich, Foreign Affairs Officer Carfre Inpor, Foreign Affairs Officer Signed for the Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism: Pilot: Sardonic CoPilot: TTaagg Secretariat: salithus Sexcretary: Lace High Adjucator: naguchanzilla Strategos: nippy Banking Director: Biazt Game Engineer: evildeliverance Emeritus: lamuella, Bloodjewel Council: Tristesse, lazerc, ColdFFF Ice Cream Cake I bet you all thought we were lying about the ice cream cake. Well, the good news is we weren't. The bad news is it was made by Lamuella, who has a viral infection at the moment. Would you like a slice? Edited September 13, 2009 by Sardonic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Reccesion Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Congrats, loved the treaty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eden Taylor Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Wow guys, keep up the awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookavich Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 I like it alot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninmeister Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Fantastic! Congrats! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Greenberg Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 This is something I can agree with . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeeooh Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Feels good man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Stalin Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 )): GOONS )): Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamuella Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 )): GOONS )): I think you mean GOONS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fort Pitt Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 (edited) Umm, Black Ice was taken already. (see NpO-BDC Protectorate/MDP). But you did add brotherhood so I guess its genuine. Anyway, congrats! Edited September 12, 2009 by Fort Pitt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Charming Man Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Cool. Although now I feel like I wasted 10 bux. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamuella Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Umm, Black Ice was taken already. (see NpO-BDC Protectorate/MDP). But you did add brotherhood so I guess its genuine. Anyway, congrats! we'd considered the Smoking Polar Treaty, but we thought it might be too rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandwich Controversy Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Aces! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uralica Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 GOONS Hey, Polar likes you guys, so why can't I? o/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fort Pitt Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 we'd considered the Smoking Polar Treaty, but we thought it might be too rude. Maybe you could have named the treaty after someone famous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheEraser Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 you guys are awesome! <3 GOONS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heyman Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Not bad. /waits for a certain someone to join the conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell Scream Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 You didn't die yet? Cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgator Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Congrats You guys are great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcturus Jefferson Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 That dog is adorable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unsure Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 This is fantastic in literally every single way. But especially the treaty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeinousOne Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 we'd considered the Smoking Polar Treaty, but we thought it might be too rude. Rude? Yes, maybe. Would it have been helarious had you done such? Without a doubt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nippy Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 It's about time this was posted....I needed an excuse to crack open the J.C. Who's up for Pepe Coladas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potato Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 CAMEO APPEARANCE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nippy Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 CAMEO APPEARANCE! EETS NATTA TUBER Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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