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TEENAGE lotto winner Callie Rogers today confesses how instant riches plunged her into a crazy drug hell - as she blew an astonishing £250,000 on COCAINE.
With only £20,000 left from her £1.9million jackpot she reveals she is battling to overcome the nightmare dark depression that has plagued her since her win aged just 16.
In her frankest interview ever Callie, 22, (whom you can see speaking on video below) told how despair drove her to attempt suicide THREE TIMES, and how she fears her two children will be taken from her.
Incredibly she admitted: "I honestly wish I'd never won the lottery money - and knowing what I know now I should have just given it all back to them.
"I was just too young to cope with suddenly having that amount in the bank when I'd come from nothing.
"In the past six years I've sunk into a black hole - a black hole that at one point I thought I could never crawl out of.
"I was spending a fortune on cocaine, a nasty evil drug which tears your life apart. I'll be honest, about £¼ million of my win has been wasted on it. Most of it wasn't for me, it was for my ex Nicky Lawson who was addicted to it.
"But it was all my money that bought it. And that makes me absolutely disgusted with myself for allowing that to happen. I might as well have thrown it down the toilet.
"I started taking coke within weeks of winning the Lottery and pretty soon I was hooked. It made me forget about all the problems in my life and at the start made me feel like everything was OK.
"But that didn't last long and soon drugs made me fall into a deep, dark place. Somewhere which made me feel I didn't want to live any more.
"I honestly just felt so low I thought in death I'd find a safer happier place."
But brave Callie is now determined to turn her life round for the better, spurred on by chilling memories of the moment she hit her lowest point last November.
She already had a history of attempted suicide, once before the big win and then several years ago by overdose. But late in 2008 the demons returned.
She'd not touched cocaine for three years and had rid herself of sponging fiance Nicky, but taken up with new boyfriend Ryan Thompson, a drug dealer.
Speaking from the three-bedroom terrace house where she now lives with her mum in Cumbria, Callie told us: "Suddenly Ryan made my life spiral out of control all over again, dabbling with cocaine on a couple of weekends.
"It wasn't like Ryan was a bad guy, unlike Nicky. He was just young and naive and had fallen in with the wrong crowd.
"It wasn't anything like when I was doing cocaine with Nicky but it sent me back to that dark place where I started to feel like I was better off dead.
"I was still recovering from my on-off relationship with Nicky and mentally I wasn't well. He was sending me up to 100 abusive texts a day. One said, 'Why don't you do everyone a favour and finish yourself off?'
"It was at the end of November on Ryan's birthday when everything just crumbled. We'd all been drinking heavily and doing cocaine. It was a Saturday night.
"A few of us went back to my house but then Ryan didn't come home. I was calling him and calling him but he didn't answer.
"I knew he was with another girl and I just couldn't cope with any more disappointment in my life. The children were with my mum and dad and I just remember collapsing on the floor of my living room and sobbing. I was so wrecked on drugs and drink that most of it's a bit of a blur.
"But I couldn't sleep as I was so wired. And because of the cocaine I just started to get more and more anxious until the only answer was to kill myself.
"I swear it wasn't a cry for help. I just wanted to die. I simply couldn't take any more.
"So I staggered to the bathroom and took a razor blade to my wrist. Ryan later found me and thought I was dead. He was high on drugs too but with a friend managed to get me to hospital in a car.
"I was going in and out of consciousness and willing myself to die. I remember feeling angry with Ryan because I just didn't want to be saved.
"After the hospital stitched me up a nurse said, 'What are you going to do if we let you go?' And I said, 'I'll do it again.'
"But after a couple of hours they couldn't keep me any longer so they let Ryan take me home then sent a counsellor to talk to me.
"And since then I have NOT touched any drugs and I've started to rebuild my life because I never ever want to feel as low as I was that day.
"I love my children to bits and know I have to sort myself out for them. But without them honestly I think I'd have killed myself a long time ago."
Ryan was later jailed for 22 months after cops found £5,000 worth of cocaine and a stun gun he had hidden in Callie's cupboard.
When Callie won the lottery back in 2003 as a £3.60 -an-hour shop assistant it should have been the start of a wonderful new carefree life.
But today she reveals how it all began to unravel within weeks when she fell for jobless Nicky - the man she blames for getting her hooked on drugs, and the man she's battling over custody of one of their two young children.
"The first time I ever tried coke was because of Nicky," she said.
"It was barely a month after I'd won the money. Him and a friend drove me down to the docks, parked up and got out a white substance I'd never seen before.
"Nicky said it was cocaine and would make me feel amazing. I was so young and naive that when he said, 'Go on, Callie, don't be boring, it's only a line' I did it.
"Pretty soon Nicky and I were doing it all the time.
"We moved into a bungalow I bought in Flimby and it was just partying all night every night. I was so impressionable Nicky brainwashed me into doing everything he said. He used to get money from me and go and score drugs for him and all his friends.
"Nicky was blowing £500 every day on cocaine as he needed about 10 grams daily just for himself. I was never that hooked but pretty much every weekend I'd snort up to three grams.
"It was only when I fell pregnant I knew I had to give it up. And up until last November I did, because I wanted so much to be a good mum."
But it took five long years of mental torture before Callie could give up Nicky.
"He's a vile, disgusting germ of a man I wish to God I'd never met," she said. "He has spent about half a million just for himself and even used to draw money out of my bank account to buy me my own Christmas and birthday presents.
"And as if the drugs and taking my money weren't bad enough he then went and slept with my younger sister Lauren when she was just 16.
"Like a fool I even took him back after that. It ruined my chances with a brillant boy called Joe who I think could have really been great for me.
"Nicky manipulated Lauren just like he did me so I never, ever was mad with her.
"I know what Nicky's capable of. He lured her with drugs and ruined her life, too." Callie is brutally open about how she squandered her £1.9 million.
"I won't lie, I've blown most of it," she said. "But, do you know what? I don't care.
"Because all that money has brought me is heartache. Yes I enjoyed buying fast cars, holidays and clothes for the baby but honestly I'm glad it's nearly all gone.
"I have the £20,000 in the bank, and that's about it. But that's a lot more than most 22-year-olds.
"Once I spent £20,000 taking 11 of the family to Disneyland Paris. And I splashed out £12,000 on two boob jobs.
"But I can't think about it as it just depresses me and I need to move on. As long as me and the kids have enough to live comfortably then that's enough for me. I did set up a trust fund for my son when he was born and it had £30,000 in it.
"Every penny I made from selling interviews went into that account along with his child benefit. And I never once touched it. But Nicky treated it like his own and now there's only £15,000 left.
"For as long as I can remember I've suffered from depression. And there are times in my life when I just haven't been able to cope, like the first time I tried to kill myself with a blade when I was 13.
"I think everyone thought money would help mend my lost childhood but it just made things much, much worse.
"Suddenly I went from having nothing to having more money than I could ever imagine, and I was only 16.
"Everyone all over the world was reading stories about me and I hated being in the spotlight.
"With hindsight I wish someone had taken the money off me when I won it and given it back to me when I was mature enough to handle it.
"But now, thanks to the counselling and my family, there are more and more times when my life is starting to feel more balanced.
"And when I feel myself slipping back to a dark place I'm now getting better at coping with my depression.
"I was on anti-depressants years ago but not any more. Now I just rely on my friends and family to help me through.
"And being a mum gives me so much joy I know I have to stay on top of things.
"I just want to provide them with the peaceful safe environment they deserve. They make me so proud and I want them to feel the same about me."
And there's plenty of people rooting for her.
Last night a representative of Lotto organisers Camelot told us: "Our team of advisors have always offered help and support to Callie and we're still here if she ever wants to take advantage of this."
Callie, who has a son aged four and a daughter who's nearly two, now dreams of finding love with a man she can rely on.
She said: "After Nicky slept with my sister I turned into a cold heartless cow. I lost all my trust and am so scared to fall in love in case someone abuses me like that again.
"All I want is to settle down and give the kids a stable family life, but I just don't know if I'll ever give my heart to another man.
"Nicky calls me a slag when I refuse to go back to him. But in all my life I've only had two one-night stands.
"I did meet someone a month ago but for now we're taking it slowly as I don't want to get hurt.
"We haven't even had sex yet and we're just enjoying getting to know each other.
"I just hope one day I find a man I can be happy with and who doesn't hurt me. But I'll never ever let myself fall for someone like Nicky again."
With only £20,000 left from her £1.9million jackpot she reveals she is battling to overcome the nightmare dark depression that has plagued her since her win aged just 16.
In her frankest interview ever Callie, 22, (whom you can see speaking on video below) told how despair drove her to attempt suicide THREE TIMES, and how she fears her two children will be taken from her.
Incredibly she admitted: "I honestly wish I'd never won the lottery money - and knowing what I know now I should have just given it all back to them.
"I was just too young to cope with suddenly having that amount in the bank when I'd come from nothing.
"In the past six years I've sunk into a black hole - a black hole that at one point I thought I could never crawl out of.
"I was spending a fortune on cocaine, a nasty evil drug which tears your life apart. I'll be honest, about £¼ million of my win has been wasted on it. Most of it wasn't for me, it was for my ex Nicky Lawson who was addicted to it.
"But it was all my money that bought it. And that makes me absolutely disgusted with myself for allowing that to happen. I might as well have thrown it down the toilet.
"I started taking coke within weeks of winning the Lottery and pretty soon I was hooked. It made me forget about all the problems in my life and at the start made me feel like everything was OK.
"But that didn't last long and soon drugs made me fall into a deep, dark place. Somewhere which made me feel I didn't want to live any more.
"I honestly just felt so low I thought in death I'd find a safer happier place."
But brave Callie is now determined to turn her life round for the better, spurred on by chilling memories of the moment she hit her lowest point last November.
She already had a history of attempted suicide, once before the big win and then several years ago by overdose. But late in 2008 the demons returned.
She'd not touched cocaine for three years and had rid herself of sponging fiance Nicky, but taken up with new boyfriend Ryan Thompson, a drug dealer.
Speaking from the three-bedroom terrace house where she now lives with her mum in Cumbria, Callie told us: "Suddenly Ryan made my life spiral out of control all over again, dabbling with cocaine on a couple of weekends.
"It wasn't like Ryan was a bad guy, unlike Nicky. He was just young and naive and had fallen in with the wrong crowd.
"It wasn't anything like when I was doing cocaine with Nicky but it sent me back to that dark place where I started to feel like I was better off dead.
"I was still recovering from my on-off relationship with Nicky and mentally I wasn't well. He was sending me up to 100 abusive texts a day. One said, 'Why don't you do everyone a favour and finish yourself off?'
"It was at the end of November on Ryan's birthday when everything just crumbled. We'd all been drinking heavily and doing cocaine. It was a Saturday night.
"A few of us went back to my house but then Ryan didn't come home. I was calling him and calling him but he didn't answer.
"I knew he was with another girl and I just couldn't cope with any more disappointment in my life. The children were with my mum and dad and I just remember collapsing on the floor of my living room and sobbing. I was so wrecked on drugs and drink that most of it's a bit of a blur.
"But I couldn't sleep as I was so wired. And because of the cocaine I just started to get more and more anxious until the only answer was to kill myself.
"I swear it wasn't a cry for help. I just wanted to die. I simply couldn't take any more.
"So I staggered to the bathroom and took a razor blade to my wrist. Ryan later found me and thought I was dead. He was high on drugs too but with a friend managed to get me to hospital in a car.
"I was going in and out of consciousness and willing myself to die. I remember feeling angry with Ryan because I just didn't want to be saved.
"After the hospital stitched me up a nurse said, 'What are you going to do if we let you go?' And I said, 'I'll do it again.'
"But after a couple of hours they couldn't keep me any longer so they let Ryan take me home then sent a counsellor to talk to me.
"And since then I have NOT touched any drugs and I've started to rebuild my life because I never ever want to feel as low as I was that day.
"I love my children to bits and know I have to sort myself out for them. But without them honestly I think I'd have killed myself a long time ago."
Ryan was later jailed for 22 months after cops found £5,000 worth of cocaine and a stun gun he had hidden in Callie's cupboard.
When Callie won the lottery back in 2003 as a £3.60 -an-hour shop assistant it should have been the start of a wonderful new carefree life.
But today she reveals how it all began to unravel within weeks when she fell for jobless Nicky - the man she blames for getting her hooked on drugs, and the man she's battling over custody of one of their two young children.
"The first time I ever tried coke was because of Nicky," she said.
"It was barely a month after I'd won the money. Him and a friend drove me down to the docks, parked up and got out a white substance I'd never seen before.
"Nicky said it was cocaine and would make me feel amazing. I was so young and naive that when he said, 'Go on, Callie, don't be boring, it's only a line' I did it.
"Pretty soon Nicky and I were doing it all the time.
"We moved into a bungalow I bought in Flimby and it was just partying all night every night. I was so impressionable Nicky brainwashed me into doing everything he said. He used to get money from me and go and score drugs for him and all his friends.
"Nicky was blowing £500 every day on cocaine as he needed about 10 grams daily just for himself. I was never that hooked but pretty much every weekend I'd snort up to three grams.
"It was only when I fell pregnant I knew I had to give it up. And up until last November I did, because I wanted so much to be a good mum."
But it took five long years of mental torture before Callie could give up Nicky.
"He's a vile, disgusting germ of a man I wish to God I'd never met," she said. "He has spent about half a million just for himself and even used to draw money out of my bank account to buy me my own Christmas and birthday presents.
"And as if the drugs and taking my money weren't bad enough he then went and slept with my younger sister Lauren when she was just 16.
"Like a fool I even took him back after that. It ruined my chances with a brillant boy called Joe who I think could have really been great for me.
"Nicky manipulated Lauren just like he did me so I never, ever was mad with her.
"I know what Nicky's capable of. He lured her with drugs and ruined her life, too." Callie is brutally open about how she squandered her £1.9 million.
"I won't lie, I've blown most of it," she said. "But, do you know what? I don't care.
"Because all that money has brought me is heartache. Yes I enjoyed buying fast cars, holidays and clothes for the baby but honestly I'm glad it's nearly all gone.
"I have the £20,000 in the bank, and that's about it. But that's a lot more than most 22-year-olds.
"Once I spent £20,000 taking 11 of the family to Disneyland Paris. And I splashed out £12,000 on two boob jobs.
"But I can't think about it as it just depresses me and I need to move on. As long as me and the kids have enough to live comfortably then that's enough for me. I did set up a trust fund for my son when he was born and it had £30,000 in it.
"Every penny I made from selling interviews went into that account along with his child benefit. And I never once touched it. But Nicky treated it like his own and now there's only £15,000 left.
"For as long as I can remember I've suffered from depression. And there are times in my life when I just haven't been able to cope, like the first time I tried to kill myself with a blade when I was 13.
"I think everyone thought money would help mend my lost childhood but it just made things much, much worse.
"Suddenly I went from having nothing to having more money than I could ever imagine, and I was only 16.
"Everyone all over the world was reading stories about me and I hated being in the spotlight.
"With hindsight I wish someone had taken the money off me when I won it and given it back to me when I was mature enough to handle it.
"But now, thanks to the counselling and my family, there are more and more times when my life is starting to feel more balanced.
"And when I feel myself slipping back to a dark place I'm now getting better at coping with my depression.
"I was on anti-depressants years ago but not any more. Now I just rely on my friends and family to help me through.
"And being a mum gives me so much joy I know I have to stay on top of things.
"I just want to provide them with the peaceful safe environment they deserve. They make me so proud and I want them to feel the same about me."
And there's plenty of people rooting for her.
Last night a representative of Lotto organisers Camelot told us: "Our team of advisors have always offered help and support to Callie and we're still here if she ever wants to take advantage of this."
Callie, who has a son aged four and a daughter who's nearly two, now dreams of finding love with a man she can rely on.
She said: "After Nicky slept with my sister I turned into a cold heartless cow. I lost all my trust and am so scared to fall in love in case someone abuses me like that again.
"All I want is to settle down and give the kids a stable family life, but I just don't know if I'll ever give my heart to another man.
"Nicky calls me a slag when I refuse to go back to him. But in all my life I've only had two one-night stands.
"I did meet someone a month ago but for now we're taking it slowly as I don't want to get hurt.
"We haven't even had sex yet and we're just enjoying getting to know each other.
"I just hope one day I find a man I can be happy with and who doesn't hurt me. But I'll never ever let myself fall for someone like Nicky again."
Stupid. Absolutely stupid.
1. Spending your money on booze, boob jobs and cocaine is NOT smart.
2. Dating drug dealers is even stupider.
3. Taking drugs with your boyfriend is even stupider than that.
4. Killing yourself is probably the stupidest thing to do.
Seriously - what the hell. This is what happens if stupid teenage girls get money, and blow it on nothing.
It also shows the stupidity of the teenage woman in falling for drug addicts... frankly, a part of me feel she deserves every consequence she gets. She took drugs, she blew money on nothing and she tried to kill herself.
She gets no pity from me.
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