Jump to content

An Introduction to Madness


Recommended Posts

banner3-1.png

Hello Planet Bob. You may not know me, but I sure as hell know you. Now, I bet most of you are saying, "get down from that stage!," or "why you gotta be doing all dis?," or some other funny thing I should be typing or something. But that's not the point! You see, way back in the year of Twenty-oh-six, there was a small, thirty five man alliance, which went by the name of Angelite. Angelite had a good run, but in the end, it wasn't meant to be. Now, almost three years later, I've really wanted to go back to where I started; my roots, my home. It's a crazy venture, and I have no idea if we're even welcome back (no idea why we wouldn’t be), but hell, we're back, and there's not a damn thing any of you can do about it! Another shot, doing it right this time, is all I've ever wanted. Now read this ridiculous charter, while I go do something at the bottom.

Introduction to Madness

So I got this here charter, right? See, I don’t read too good, but what I’m thinking its saying is that we gotta look out for each other, yeah? I’m also seeing that this is the official mission statement for the Angelic Sanctuary, or Angelite, or maybe I’m just reading this wrong and whatnot. Cheah, bro.

Article I: Entering Heaven

As long as you wanna roll with Angelite, and you get checked out all clean and such, you know, none of that ZI jazz or multiple alliance applications or past infractions, all you gotta do is post an application with your intention for membership, and bam, once you get the ol’ approval, you’re in.

Article II: How We Operate

The Chancellor

So, there’s the head of this shindig, we can call him the Chancellor. This guy oversees EVERYTHING. I mean, wow! He’s got like, official power over the alliance and such. Anything he says goes, like internal and external matters, creating positions, he’s got veto powers and the like. He’s in power until he decides this party just isn’t meeting his booze quotient, and then goes and crashes the Bar Mitzvah down the street. If he needs to appoint a chaperon for the underage kids drinking illegally back at his house while he’s getting drunk on Jewish cedar wine, he may pick anyone he pleases, as long as he can pull off the dreaded Drunken Ally McBeal Shot Challenge. Terrifying!

The Board of Directors

The Board will consist of four elected Councilors. The Chancellor will oversee what they do; but Chancellor, what do they do? Well, normally, a Board of Directors would sit around all day, doing nothing, moaning about how the traffic to get over the Brooklyn Bridge took all morning and how Quarter 4 profits weren’t sufficient to buy them that third Jacuzzi for their second beach house in the Swiss Alps. Well, to that, I say tough luck, because these unlucky saps’ll be heading up the various departments of the Sanctuary! And since this is based underneath the Chancellor’s iron toed boot, he’ll be able to fire any of these self righteous pricks, whenever and wherever. Word, yo.

The Capos

The Chancellor, being all cool and such, may appoint various capos, but no more than three, to go and do random tasks here and there. So while we got the group called the capos, any position within the rank can be created. Capos have no voting rights, and shall simply act as shadowy figures providing much needed advice. They shall act as advisers, guiding the alliance along to the whim of the Chancellor. The capos can be dismissed and re-hired to positions, as long as they aren’t in jail or something, whatever it is these Mafia types do to stick themselves in such a sticky situation.

The Army of the Undead

Every good alliance needs an army. However, since we’re situated on 1 Sunny Heaven Drive, south of New York and West of Shanghai, we have a bunch of undead military commanders, vagabonds that laze about the River Styx and such, to lead our unwashed masses into battle. So, that’s why we have Bruce Campbell. Mr. Campbell, reprising his role as Ash from the Evil Dead movies, will be put in charge of the armed forces of the Angelic Sanctuary during times of war. He may appoint a Ving Rhames, or a General for you non-Angels, or whatever other famous Hollywood star he’s inclined to be calling a military position to assist him in his duties. Bruce Campbell and his Army of the Undead will be responsible for organizing battalions, war tactics, and writing up citations and merits for those who have excelled in times of war, showcasing valor and other such feats.

Also, we frown upon both tech raiding and nuclear first strikes. No member of the Sanctuary shall engage in an offensive war, lest they feel the wrath of the Chancellor’s ring hand, and/or the learning end of Bruce Campbell’s chainsaw. May Admin have mercy on your soul if this fate befalls your home.

The Unwashed, Pitchfork Brandishing Masses

All unkempt and uncouth members of the Angelic Sanctuary, read as non-governmental personnel, will be part of our grand chorus of never-ending hymns, and will be in charge for giving the Board of Directors their cushy jobs. Imagine a cage, and within that cage is a collection of angry people, and this entire people beat each other senseless until one is left standing. This is how the masses will elect their Board of Directors. Ever Democracy is grand. Oh, and one more note, if the Chancellor ever needs the angered horde to vote on something, so shall be done.

Article III: You’re out of Here, Bro

If you’re doing something wrong, the Chancellor can tell you to politely leave. We are a classy joint, but we must have rules. However, he can forgive you for your transgression, which is good for you, you dirty crime committer you. A vote can be called by any nation to banish a member from the Sanctuary, as long as three-fourths of the masses agree to the motion. A sixty hour voting period shall be awarded to the offending nation, perhaps earning them time to redeem themselves.

Article IV: Fixing This Here Document

So, as in Article III, a vote can be called by any nation for the task at hand; this task being editing this charter. Dialogue will ensue for an episode of time up to a thirty-six hour period, and will spill over into another thirty-six hour voting period in which seventy-five percent must be reached before the end of the voting period for the amendment to the charter to be added, else it will fail. I absolutely adore bureaucratic systems of law, because I have no possible way to spin this dreck into something hilarious.

Article V: You're Gonna Love My Nuts

As for an official team color, we're Angels, and Angels are white, right? So naturally, we should be a maroon alliance. I know, I know! Doesn't make a lick of sense, but damn, we're a group of rebels, with the black clothes, skin-tight jeans, and all that makeup, oh! We'll be getting all the boys this summer.

Article VI: Specify Other

Yeah, as for flying an Alliance Affiliation, we're like CALLED the Angelic Sanctuary, but seriously now, we'd like to go by Angelite, such as other alliances use their little abbreviated titles. I mean, I've worked here for nearly three years, and I have not seen or heard of us protecting one single angel from a threat of any kind. I barely even known what the hell is going on anymore. You ever see a dog walking down a street, and think to yourself, “hey, why’s that dog walking down the street without a collar on?” Cheah, it’s kinda like that.

Or are we the angels? Is any of this really real at all? What if life as we know it is nothing...more...than a game?

I need a break. And so do you, loyal reader!

Hi! Miss me? Yeah, that's one heck of a charter. I've also got this nifty little protectorate deal between us and the Commonwealth of Sovereign Nations right here, so read that while I go do something of non-interest.

The Sounds of your Blood Curdling Screams Make Me Giddy With Pleasure! Protectorate Agreement

CSNFlagMedium.jpgsmallflag.png

Preamble:

Alright, so there’s these two alliances, the jim-dandy folks over at the Commonwealth of Sovereign Nations, hereby referred herein as CSN, and then the righteous brotherhood that is the Angelic Sanctuary, hereby known as Angelite. These two bros were all like, “werd, son,” and then they did some things no good Christian boy should ever take part of. This here document ensures that what they did that fateful night will remain between the two of them.

Article I: You’re Smalltime; also Hello

In exchange for not divulging what occurred that fateful June afternoon, Angelite will be completely sovereign in internal affairs, recruitment, and defensive purposes. However, if CSN thinks that Angelite is blackmailing it through foreign affairs, they can intervene, but only to a certain degree. Angelite may hold their own separate treaties from CSN, which will be detailed upon in the next article.

Article II: The Berlin Airlift Foreign Affairs Discothèque

Angelite screamed bloody murder that afternoon, promising crazy and wild things, such as the agreement that treaties must be approved by the CSN before any signing and activation of such treaties take place. Angelite can handle their own raider and/or rogue problems, but CSN can be called upon to assist, as they are obligated to protect not only Angelite through this document, but also to ensure the dark secrets never escape their chains.

Article III: Charlton Heston Singlehandedly Takes on The World

In the event of war of defensive or aggressive nature involving either signatory of this treaty, both signatories are required to provide military assistance if requested by the attacking or defending signatory. CSN must give at least forty-eight hours of notification before Angelite is required to make an aggressive action upon another alliance. While Angelite is based upon the foundations of the true neutral menace, only with prior CSN approval can they declare an offensive war.

Article IV: Ashton Kutcher Acting Civilly in Miami

Both signatories agree to not act in hostile intention, espionage, or uncivil conduct toward the other signatory for the duration of this treaty. Respect, support, and civility must remain a goal between both alliances. We must be civil in an uncivilized time, for Admin’s sake.

Article V: Bro, I Need Five Bucks for Dinner

Financial Aid between protector and protectorate is completely optional. Requests may be made of each, but there exists no obligation of either signatory to provide such aid. But CSN is an alliance, you can’t put an alliance in an alliance, it doesn’t even fit.

Article VI: Yo, I Just Dropped These Spinners in My Honda!

Modifications may be made to this treaty as deemed fit by both signatories upon agreement between both alliances. When and if Angelite reaches one million nation strength, this document can be upgraded or dropped, whichever comes first; depending on the heat of the moment, TELLING ME WHERE MY HEART IS, THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT, SHONE IN YOUR EYESSSSSSSSS

Article VII: I Guess This Is the End, Cyanide Pills Out!

This protectorate agreement may be canceled by CSN or Angelite, provided that there has been prior private notification of cancellation. Upon notification, this treaty will remain in effect for seventy-two hours before all articles held within are null and void. Though the bonds may be broken, a friendship will always remain. Let us pray it never comes to this.

Signed for the Angelic Sanctuary,

Sig, Chancellor of the Angelic Sanctuary, High Lord Praetor of Angelite, That one guy on Facebook who you notice is online and you try and sign off as quickly as you can before he Facebook IMs you, and you fail horribly and end up having a conversation about Cybernations.

The First Capo Triumvirate

Requia, Breaker of Legs

Rocknraider, :awesome:

Mithgard

Signed for the Commonwealth of Sovereign Nations,

Goose, Head of State, Warmonger of GUARD, Hater of Huggles, and Old Man with a Cane

Allied_Threat, Swordmaster, False Profit, Slayer of Infidels, Doer of Your Mum

CaptainImpavid, Generalissimo of the Commonwealth Armed Forces, Side effects may include Blurred Vision, Telepathy, Temporal Anomalies, Plate Tectonics, and Death

Lord Brendan, the guy with the money, wielder of the useless SDI and FUN Survivor

SpacingOutMan, Minister of Foreign Women, Master of Beward, Destroyer of Deined, Deputy Preacher of Goose's Good Name

lewistothezor, People's Commissar of Enlistment, Sactioned SPAM Whore, Crazy Irate Scotsman

Fronz, Director of Education

And there we go my fellow Digiterrans, Angelite is back, and we're happy to be back. Thank you for having us; there's a bowl of mints by the press table, if you are inclined to steal them.

IT IS RECOMMENDED YOUR MINDLESSLY HAIL THEM NOW

th_hypnotoad.gif

tl;dr: Gee whiz, some guy re-makes another dead alliance! Let's mindlessly hail him!

Stop on by on www.cnangelite.com to see what we’re all about, if you dare. #angelite on Coldfront is also live, so come bother us; we can’t wait to see you.

Play me off, Johnny!

Signed,

Sig, Chancellor of the Angelic Sanctuary

The First Capo Triumvirate

Requia, Breaker of Legs

Rocknraider, :awesome:

Mithgard

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jees, another bizarre treaty with the unnecessarily lengthy signatures of our prestigious government members on it?

You'd think they were having delusions of grandeur, perhaps brought on by some hallucinogenic material, maybe even something fo... ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

Cheers to our new protectorates, may your hypnosis have more sway on the decisions of CSN's leaders than the pitiful pleas of the downtrodden masses.

o7 Angelite

o7 CSN

o7 Hypnotoad

Edited by Benjamin Arouet
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now, I bet most of you are saying, "get down from that stage!," or "why you gotta be doing all dis?," or some other funny thing I should be typing or something.

Well actually we're wondering why no fancy appetizers like at the UPN announcement or even the free Yoda Pez dispensers they were handing out over at the Jedi announcement. <_<

You have to bring the swag. People appreciate it, especially those of us who slog through these announcements every day looking for things that concern our alliance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well actually we're wondering why no fancy appetizers like at the UPN announcement or even the free Yoda Pez dispensers they were handing out over at the Jedi announcement. <_<

You have to bring the swag. People appreciate it, especially those of us who slog through these announcements every day looking for things that concern our alliance.

Oh well, excuse me princess, didn't mean to not put out enough food to satisfy your manly hunger.

And just because you're all settled in your big-$@! armchair or whatever, doesn't mean we all enjoy those rocks we're so elegantly fastened to, sir. May I call you sir? I will.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...