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Spootland-Phantom Alliance of Allied Allies
We, the mighty SPAAA, are a merger between the Spootland Alliance of Allied Allies and The Phantom Warrior Corps.
IRC on Coldfront #swampcastle
Forums- http://www.spaaa.net
Triumvirate-
Commander John- By the Grace of God, Emperor of the Corps, Defender of the Faith, Keeper of the Holy Hand Grenade
Mordecai McGillicuddy- Le Poulet Grandiose de Caoutchouc (Grand Rubber Chicken)
King Granmar I- Oppmann Av Det Blodrøde Bladet (Arbiter of the Crimson Leaf)
Round Table
Ministry of Silly Walks – Rupert of Hentzau
Ministry of More Hats- Recruiting- Aoki Jyomi
Minister of Pointed Sticks- War Minister- AE1903
Ministry of Bigger Pots- Finance/Economics- Landru the Falcon
Minister of Senseless Taunting-Diplomacy and Communications- Cowboy Cornholio
Minister of Huge Tracts of Land -Internal Affairs- Blink
Quote
Preamble: The Spootland-Phantom Alliance of Allied Allies, or SPAAA, The Very Large Corporation of Planet Bob, is also the only one that is lemon scented AND salubrious! (we even try to improve your vocabulary) SPAAA will work to thwart the powers of tyranny, oppression, and warm beer, while also attempting to remain low fat and tasty. SPAAA will fight like rabid wolverines to defend those who fly its banner (figuratively), and generally have a grand time doing it while also avoiding getting too serious and full of ourselves. (though, who could blame us if we were?)
Section A: The Alliance
1. SPAAA is a majority pink alliance, because that was determined to be the fastest road to world domination………… or so goes the company line. However, nations from any trading sphere may join without penalty, particularly aqua. (our love for aqua is boundless) Those who aren’t pink will face enticement to change colors through various and seductive means, generally found irresistible by said nations. You have been warned.
2. SPAAA cannot be voluntarily disbanded. The only way it can ever end voluntarily is if it slowly fades into the black, a long, slow decline into obscurity. And some day, it WILL happen. Because, *All we are is Dust in the Wind…………*
3. All prospective members who wish to join the Very Large Corporation must sign the charter and they must conduct themselves by the charter,. Any conditions put upon their membership by any of the Triumvirate must be satisfied also.
4. Members of SPAAA may not be members of another alliance, because who ever heard of Phantoms and Rubber Chickens sharing? Ever. Fairly self oriented beings, wouldn’t you say? If they are members of another alliance, then obviously they aren’t members of SPAAA, they are members of that other alliance. Because if they were a member of SPAAA, then they wouldn’t be a member of another alliance. Aren’t you paying attention?
5. Nations of any political belief system, government, religion, ethnicity, geography, topography, climate, persuasion, plumbing, location, culinary system, language, gender, lifestyle, and/or zoology may be members of SPAAA. And also of any trade sphere. The chicken is open minded, the spoon only slightly less so, and the Phantom loves everyone equally. Except those darn Roundheads. But mostly everyone else.
6. Nations at war may not join SPAAA. Once peace is attained, then and only then may they be permitted entry. Whatcha runnin’ from, tater tot?
7. Nations wishing to end membership and be off to some less quool place must pay back any aid they have received in excess of $500,000, or face deer tick inspections from the Director of Grand Bastardry. And that’s no fun. For that nation it’s not, anyway. Everyone else thinks it’s a hoot! (especially the aforementioned DGB)
8. Nations found to be breaking the rules (bad nations, bad!) intentionally, and determined to be irrevocably damaging to the alliance with no possibility of redemption, may be put up for a general alliance vote by any Triumvir, with the question being whether or not to remove that nation from SPAAA. We ain’t just whistling Burnt Weenie Sandwich by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, after all. Nations intentionally breaking the rules can be unilaterally removed by any of The Three. This is bureaucracy at work, comrades, not the Soviet Union. Though we are similar in one way: our people don’t get paid either for their hard work. Moving on……….
Section B: Government
9. The SPAAA government consists of a Triumvirate, all equal in power, bless their hearts. They are in no particular order(except that the guy who wrote it listed himself first, just because. Also, imagine a name in front of each title):
Le Poulet Grandiose de Caoutchouc (Grand Rubber Chicken)
Oppmann Av Det Blodrøde Bladet (Arbiter of the Crimson Leaf)
By The Grace of God, Emperor of The Corps, Defender of The Faith, Keeper of The Holy Hand Grenade
Obviously, nothing you’ve ever seen in your entire life can compare to combination French, Norwegian, and English. Frankly, I’m shocked your eyeballs haven’t burned out of their sockets, or that at the very least your retinas haven’t seared into useless pieces of uselessness. Good work, Goober, you’re SPAAA material.
10. All ministers will perform the designated function, and will have as many underlings (henchmen, lackeys, assistants, etc) as the Triumvirate and they can agree upon. Anything not outlined here is left up to the power of the almighty Triumvirate. The Ministries consist of:
Minister of Pointed Sticks- War Minister
Minister of Senseless Taunting-Diplomacy and Communications
Minister of Huge Tracts of Land -Internal Affairs
Minister of More Hats- Economics
Minister of Bigger Pots- Finance
Minister of Silly Walks- ensuring we remain one alliance, united under Python
The Number of Ministers shall be nine, they shant be eight nor seven for seven is a dastardly number, nor shalt they be six and never shall they be five, but nine shall be the number of Ministers, you shall not make them sixteen nor even one hundred seventy two, nine shall be the number and the number shall be nine.
Section D: Leaving the Alliance
11. Discharge and Separation
11a) Discharge from the Alliance- This shall be the Triumvirate's perogitive. Any Minister may bring charges against a member who is accused of violating the charter or treason.The member bringing charges have the burden of proving their charges and the accused will have the right to defend themselves. The Triumvirate has final say on expulsion or other penalties. It may result from anything from nothing at all, having to do a Silly Walk, or a fine to even outright dismissal from the Corporation. Perhaps even “termination†(i.e. “you’re firedâ€). You can figure that one out. If it is decided that the member in question has been found guilty of a crime fitting the punishment of expulsion that nation will be given a “dismissal†from the Corporation and have 24 hours from notification to change their affiliation. Or eiD! (anagrams R fun, mmmk?)
12. Resignation from the corps In the event that a Member wishes to resign from the corps they must submit a request in writing. We will submit a return request asking them to seek psychiatric help. You’d have to be crazy to want to do that, right? (Hey, cut out the criticism, YOU aren’t the one writing the jokes. Its not like YOU could do BETTER.) If the member has received aid see Section A, Article 7. And drop it like it is hot, dawg.
13. I can’t help but be disgusted by the fact that you didn’t notice we went from Section B to Section D. Are you even TRYING to read this charter? Don’t try to act all smart like you were on top of that, you totally got fooled there. SWING AND A MISS!
14. In the event that a member of the Corporation’s Upper Management resigns during term, the position will be appointed by the Triumvirate, including if one of said members has resigned. If all three Triumvirate members resign simultaneously, then you might have to go see Section A Article 2.
SECTION E: War
15. Declarations of War shall not be taken lightly, the Very Large Corporation does not condone and will not tolerate unauthorized and unsanctioned attacks on aligned nations. So called “Tech†Raiding is not authorized. The SPAAA shall not condone the practice of Raiding (tech or land). Any member state found guilty of raiding will be placed on probation and will brought on charges of violation of the charter. The SPAAA will not provide aid to nations involved in tech-raiding for a period of 30 days following the raid , though the Triumvirate may at their discretion waive this rule in rare and necessary cases. 2 votes out of 3, for those of you scoring at home.
16. The Triumvirate may issue a Declaration of War against anyone at any time, with a unanimous vote. We don’t go flinging these about willy-nilly. All nation-states are required to assist the corps in a war, be it through fighting or aid. Scutage fees are accepted.
17. In the event that one of our members has been attacked by a rogue or a tech raider the SPAAA will attempt all diplomatic means available to them to solve the situation peacefully. In the event that a situation cannot end peacefully………….We are hopeful the foe has an affinity and liking for stone age technology. We hear those hand axes have a “jagged cutting edgeâ€.
18. The SPAAA reserves the right of its member-states to create, develop and use nuclear weaponry . We deplore the aggressive use of nuclear weapons and will not condone their use in such a fashion by any of our members. Should a member find itself under attack by a nuclear aggressor, they may respond in kind to the nuclear attack made by the aggressor without notice from the Minister of Pointy Sticks. Any members fighting in support of another member who has suffered at the hands of a nuclear aggressor, must receive authorization from the Minister of Pointy Sticks to launch nuclear weapons against the nuclear aggressor. PANCAKES! Oh, one more thing: Any member-state who violates Corps nuclear policy will be considered a nuclear aggressor and removed immediately from membership. No trial will be necessary - expulsion is automatic. That’s just no brainer type of stuff, people. Mushroom clouds should only exist in the dreams of video game designers. Sick people. Er, or so says the rumor going around.
19. 19.1 Sanctioned Offensive Wars will be allowed under certain circumstances. Nations to be attacked must be themselves attacking weaker nations unjustifiably, or committing some similarly nefarious wrong. Participation in this practice is entirely optional.
19.2 Before making an offensive attack, members must receive the approval of the Minister of Pointy Sticks, or in his absence, one of the Triumvirate.
19.3 To receive approval, evidence of the proposed target's misdeeds must be presented, and presented in plain sight for all employers of the Very Large Corporation to see. There will be a section of the Ministry of Pointy Sticks assigned to this purpose. Evidence can be something so simple as a statement from either the aggressor or the victim or both regarding why the war is occurring, or the aggressor nation's stated reason for war. The Minister will then approve or deny the attack based on the facts presented. Members found to be presenting false facts as evidence may find themselves on the list discussed in 19.4, or other penalties, as judged by the Triumvirate. Man, will they regret that one. NO SOUP FOR YOU!
19.4 Nations eligible to be attacked will be listed in another section of the Ministry. Attacking nations not listed is prohibited, and it will be left to the Triumvirate’s discretion to assign penalties to the rule breaker. Nations in alliances with more than twenty nations will be ineligible to be attacked under the Sanctioned Offensive Wars provision. Gotta draw the line somewhere, right?
19.5 Members can also agree to single, mutually accepted duels. The following provisions apply to this:
1) The target must be of roughly equal or greater strength.
2) You must ask the target politely if he would like to have a fight.
2a) The prospective opponent must agree to it.
3) These fights must be 1 on 1.
3a) Intervention on the behalf of the opponents friends is cause for the member’s friends to also jump in.
4) You must end the war if the target asks for surrender
5) SPAAA will not give aid to the alliance member during the war.
5a) SPAAA may choose to help if the SPAAA member tries to surrender and the opponent will not let it go.
6) SPAAA must be in a state of peace (no alliance wars going on)
7) If the opponent is in an alliance, that alliance must be smaller than SPAAA in terms of total members. Not going to get suckered into a REALLY stupid duel that spirals out of control. Bet the house on that right thurr.
SECTION F: Conduct
20. Nothing so tough, bruthas and sistas. Treat people with respect, don’t curse while in the Corporation building (use that awesome brain and figure out what that translates to), have fun, and just be a decent person. Even if you’re just acting. Like you probably are. Cretin.
22. Dude, we seriously just did it to you again. YOU DIDN’T NOTICE THERE WAS NO NUMBER 21. But we like you anyway. Probably.
Section A: The Alliance
1. SPAAA is a majority pink alliance, because that was determined to be the fastest road to world domination………… or so goes the company line. However, nations from any trading sphere may join without penalty, particularly aqua. (our love for aqua is boundless) Those who aren’t pink will face enticement to change colors through various and seductive means, generally found irresistible by said nations. You have been warned.
2. SPAAA cannot be voluntarily disbanded. The only way it can ever end voluntarily is if it slowly fades into the black, a long, slow decline into obscurity. And some day, it WILL happen. Because, *All we are is Dust in the Wind…………*
3. All prospective members who wish to join the Very Large Corporation must sign the charter and they must conduct themselves by the charter,. Any conditions put upon their membership by any of the Triumvirate must be satisfied also.
4. Members of SPAAA may not be members of another alliance, because who ever heard of Phantoms and Rubber Chickens sharing? Ever. Fairly self oriented beings, wouldn’t you say? If they are members of another alliance, then obviously they aren’t members of SPAAA, they are members of that other alliance. Because if they were a member of SPAAA, then they wouldn’t be a member of another alliance. Aren’t you paying attention?
5. Nations of any political belief system, government, religion, ethnicity, geography, topography, climate, persuasion, plumbing, location, culinary system, language, gender, lifestyle, and/or zoology may be members of SPAAA. And also of any trade sphere. The chicken is open minded, the spoon only slightly less so, and the Phantom loves everyone equally. Except those darn Roundheads. But mostly everyone else.
6. Nations at war may not join SPAAA. Once peace is attained, then and only then may they be permitted entry. Whatcha runnin’ from, tater tot?
7. Nations wishing to end membership and be off to some less quool place must pay back any aid they have received in excess of $500,000, or face deer tick inspections from the Director of Grand Bastardry. And that’s no fun. For that nation it’s not, anyway. Everyone else thinks it’s a hoot! (especially the aforementioned DGB)
8. Nations found to be breaking the rules (bad nations, bad!) intentionally, and determined to be irrevocably damaging to the alliance with no possibility of redemption, may be put up for a general alliance vote by any Triumvir, with the question being whether or not to remove that nation from SPAAA. We ain’t just whistling Burnt Weenie Sandwich by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, after all. Nations intentionally breaking the rules can be unilaterally removed by any of The Three. This is bureaucracy at work, comrades, not the Soviet Union. Though we are similar in one way: our people don’t get paid either for their hard work. Moving on……….
Section B: Government
9. The SPAAA government consists of a Triumvirate, all equal in power, bless their hearts. They are in no particular order(except that the guy who wrote it listed himself first, just because. Also, imagine a name in front of each title):
Le Poulet Grandiose de Caoutchouc (Grand Rubber Chicken)
Oppmann Av Det Blodrøde Bladet (Arbiter of the Crimson Leaf)
By The Grace of God, Emperor of The Corps, Defender of The Faith, Keeper of The Holy Hand Grenade
Obviously, nothing you’ve ever seen in your entire life can compare to combination French, Norwegian, and English. Frankly, I’m shocked your eyeballs haven’t burned out of their sockets, or that at the very least your retinas haven’t seared into useless pieces of uselessness. Good work, Goober, you’re SPAAA material.
10. All ministers will perform the designated function, and will have as many underlings (henchmen, lackeys, assistants, etc) as the Triumvirate and they can agree upon. Anything not outlined here is left up to the power of the almighty Triumvirate. The Ministries consist of:
Minister of Pointed Sticks- War Minister
Minister of Senseless Taunting-Diplomacy and Communications
Minister of Huge Tracts of Land -Internal Affairs
Minister of More Hats- Economics
Minister of Bigger Pots- Finance
Minister of Silly Walks- ensuring we remain one alliance, united under Python
The Number of Ministers shall be nine, they shant be eight nor seven for seven is a dastardly number, nor shalt they be six and never shall they be five, but nine shall be the number of Ministers, you shall not make them sixteen nor even one hundred seventy two, nine shall be the number and the number shall be nine.
Section D: Leaving the Alliance
11. Discharge and Separation
11a) Discharge from the Alliance- This shall be the Triumvirate's perogitive. Any Minister may bring charges against a member who is accused of violating the charter or treason.The member bringing charges have the burden of proving their charges and the accused will have the right to defend themselves. The Triumvirate has final say on expulsion or other penalties. It may result from anything from nothing at all, having to do a Silly Walk, or a fine to even outright dismissal from the Corporation. Perhaps even “termination†(i.e. “you’re firedâ€). You can figure that one out. If it is decided that the member in question has been found guilty of a crime fitting the punishment of expulsion that nation will be given a “dismissal†from the Corporation and have 24 hours from notification to change their affiliation. Or eiD! (anagrams R fun, mmmk?)
12. Resignation from the corps In the event that a Member wishes to resign from the corps they must submit a request in writing. We will submit a return request asking them to seek psychiatric help. You’d have to be crazy to want to do that, right? (Hey, cut out the criticism, YOU aren’t the one writing the jokes. Its not like YOU could do BETTER.) If the member has received aid see Section A, Article 7. And drop it like it is hot, dawg.
13. I can’t help but be disgusted by the fact that you didn’t notice we went from Section B to Section D. Are you even TRYING to read this charter? Don’t try to act all smart like you were on top of that, you totally got fooled there. SWING AND A MISS!
14. In the event that a member of the Corporation’s Upper Management resigns during term, the position will be appointed by the Triumvirate, including if one of said members has resigned. If all three Triumvirate members resign simultaneously, then you might have to go see Section A Article 2.
SECTION E: War
15. Declarations of War shall not be taken lightly, the Very Large Corporation does not condone and will not tolerate unauthorized and unsanctioned attacks on aligned nations. So called “Tech†Raiding is not authorized. The SPAAA shall not condone the practice of Raiding (tech or land). Any member state found guilty of raiding will be placed on probation and will brought on charges of violation of the charter. The SPAAA will not provide aid to nations involved in tech-raiding for a period of 30 days following the raid , though the Triumvirate may at their discretion waive this rule in rare and necessary cases. 2 votes out of 3, for those of you scoring at home.
16. The Triumvirate may issue a Declaration of War against anyone at any time, with a unanimous vote. We don’t go flinging these about willy-nilly. All nation-states are required to assist the corps in a war, be it through fighting or aid. Scutage fees are accepted.
17. In the event that one of our members has been attacked by a rogue or a tech raider the SPAAA will attempt all diplomatic means available to them to solve the situation peacefully. In the event that a situation cannot end peacefully………….We are hopeful the foe has an affinity and liking for stone age technology. We hear those hand axes have a “jagged cutting edgeâ€.
18. The SPAAA reserves the right of its member-states to create, develop and use nuclear weaponry . We deplore the aggressive use of nuclear weapons and will not condone their use in such a fashion by any of our members. Should a member find itself under attack by a nuclear aggressor, they may respond in kind to the nuclear attack made by the aggressor without notice from the Minister of Pointy Sticks. Any members fighting in support of another member who has suffered at the hands of a nuclear aggressor, must receive authorization from the Minister of Pointy Sticks to launch nuclear weapons against the nuclear aggressor. PANCAKES! Oh, one more thing: Any member-state who violates Corps nuclear policy will be considered a nuclear aggressor and removed immediately from membership. No trial will be necessary - expulsion is automatic. That’s just no brainer type of stuff, people. Mushroom clouds should only exist in the dreams of video game designers. Sick people. Er, or so says the rumor going around.
19. 19.1 Sanctioned Offensive Wars will be allowed under certain circumstances. Nations to be attacked must be themselves attacking weaker nations unjustifiably, or committing some similarly nefarious wrong. Participation in this practice is entirely optional.
19.2 Before making an offensive attack, members must receive the approval of the Minister of Pointy Sticks, or in his absence, one of the Triumvirate.
19.3 To receive approval, evidence of the proposed target's misdeeds must be presented, and presented in plain sight for all employers of the Very Large Corporation to see. There will be a section of the Ministry of Pointy Sticks assigned to this purpose. Evidence can be something so simple as a statement from either the aggressor or the victim or both regarding why the war is occurring, or the aggressor nation's stated reason for war. The Minister will then approve or deny the attack based on the facts presented. Members found to be presenting false facts as evidence may find themselves on the list discussed in 19.4, or other penalties, as judged by the Triumvirate. Man, will they regret that one. NO SOUP FOR YOU!
19.4 Nations eligible to be attacked will be listed in another section of the Ministry. Attacking nations not listed is prohibited, and it will be left to the Triumvirate’s discretion to assign penalties to the rule breaker. Nations in alliances with more than twenty nations will be ineligible to be attacked under the Sanctioned Offensive Wars provision. Gotta draw the line somewhere, right?
19.5 Members can also agree to single, mutually accepted duels. The following provisions apply to this:
1) The target must be of roughly equal or greater strength.
2) You must ask the target politely if he would like to have a fight.
2a) The prospective opponent must agree to it.
3) These fights must be 1 on 1.
3a) Intervention on the behalf of the opponents friends is cause for the member’s friends to also jump in.
4) You must end the war if the target asks for surrender
5) SPAAA will not give aid to the alliance member during the war.
5a) SPAAA may choose to help if the SPAAA member tries to surrender and the opponent will not let it go.
6) SPAAA must be in a state of peace (no alliance wars going on)
7) If the opponent is in an alliance, that alliance must be smaller than SPAAA in terms of total members. Not going to get suckered into a REALLY stupid duel that spirals out of control. Bet the house on that right thurr.
SECTION F: Conduct
20. Nothing so tough, bruthas and sistas. Treat people with respect, don’t curse while in the Corporation building (use that awesome brain and figure out what that translates to), have fun, and just be a decent person. Even if you’re just acting. Like you probably are. Cretin.
22. Dude, we seriously just did it to you again. YOU DIDN’T NOTICE THERE WAS NO NUMBER 21. But we like you anyway. Probably.
This post has been edited by King Granmar I: 17 May 2008 - 11:27 PM
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Good luck settling into your new home.
Cai 
