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How Not to Conduct Peace Talks

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#1 Anu Drake

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 05:28 AM

The following is a public service announcement directed to those nations still maintaining the Illuminati AA. It is meant to enlighten, to illustrate and to :facepalm.

Someday you will be in a new alliance, whether with this nation or with your next. It won't be Illuminati though, because Illuminati now has no chance at survival. Thanks to the fearless determination of Terry Howard, your lone voice and leader, peace talks are now closed.

When you get to this new alliance, I'd like to you keep the following free information in mind if you are ever in a war started due to your alliance leaders' betrayal of their allies that is overwhelmingly supported by clear evidence, in which you have been decimated to less than 10% of your pre-war strength in two weeks. If your leader exhibits any of these traits or tactics, you'll know it is time to surrender.

5 Things to Avoid When Negotiating Peace

1. When presented with reasonable terms, do not reject them sarcastically and immediately make counter demands.

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2. When the opposing side points out that you are not in a position of power, do not insult them and the entire process. Remember, you are being given an opportunity to survive here, you should be grateful and patient. Also, learn the definition and proper role of a Viceroy.

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3. Try not to make a point of telling the other side that you advised a member on a zi list to go into peace mode to avoid attack. Try also to avoid insulting all of your opponents in one sentence.

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4. Its probably not a good idea to blame the other side for a stall in negotiations just because they pointed out the error of your line of thinking. It is also a bad idea to take cheap shoots.

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5. Finally, while negotiations are in place, it is considered bad etiquette to accuse the other side of spying when you are well aware that information was obtained due to your own error. Then try not to repeat #4 several times in one post.

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Terry, stop blaming everyone else you can think of and realize that there is no one to blame for the war, the failure of peace talks and the inevitable destruction of Illuminati than yourself.

Illuminati members not on the ZI list are still free to surrender. Don't let Illuminati become the next GOONS or FAN. Do you really want to be like them? The failures of Howard need not spell the death of your nation or its relevance.

Also, huge props to Cable77 for his huge hearted attempt to broker peace. With any reasonable person you would have been successful. But there's no reasoning with insane.

#2 bigwoody



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Posted 13 March 2008 - 05:32 AM

My name is bigwoody and I endorse this guide.

#3 Gruthenia


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Posted 13 March 2008 - 05:34 AM

You were planning on giving Illuminati peace? For shame! :angry:

Though props to Cable anyway, since I'm usually one of the "harsh peace terms are ruining the Planet Bob" types and I honestly want Illuminati disbanded anyway - you're much more merciful than I would be :)

Edited by Matthew George, 13 March 2008 - 05:40 AM.

#4 WernerHoffmann


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Posted 13 March 2008 - 05:37 AM

Werner approves of this message. What that means? I dunno.


#5 youwish959


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Posted 13 March 2008 - 05:46 AM

Good. I like this a lot.

#6 greenacres


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Posted 13 March 2008 - 05:54 AM

Someone made themself out to look like quite the imbecile there. Terry Howard, you've never been in a position like that before, but that's absolutely no excuse for the way you acted. Common sense SHOULD have told you, and I don't know why it didn't, that the illuminati is pretty much dead and that if they offer you peace terms, you're in pretty much no position to talk back and to bargain unless under the best of pretenses.

So... yeah, have fun in ZI, illuminati.

#7 Darth Blitzer

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 05:58 AM

i believe *Darth Blitzer facepalms shows my view on this situation

Edited by Darth Blitzer, 13 March 2008 - 05:59 AM.

#8 Freek


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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:08 AM

This topic is nothing short of amusing. Sorry to see an ignorant 'leader' screw up for his peers; enjoy the grind, Terry.


#9 Baden-Württemberg


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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:09 AM

This should be pinned, it saves a lot of times for everyone.....

I think that Terry hasn't realized that he is on the losing side...


*Baden-Württemberg facepalms

Edited by Baden-Württemberg, 13 March 2008 - 06:09 AM.

#10 Duncan King

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:14 AM

:awesome: announcement Anu!

*Duncan King would also like to give kudos to Cable77 for trying to end this peacefully. You were much more patient than I would have been.

A note to Terry: Don't dicker when you have no bargaining power at all.

A note to Illuminati: Don't let Terry Howard take you down with him. Surrender so you can avoid eternal war.

#11 Lord n00b II

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:22 AM

This was very funny and :awesome:

It also proves once again that: Stupidity and ignorance are, in fact, a hazard to your health (and others)

#12 Stormsend


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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:30 AM

The facepalming pretty much sums up my feelings on this.

The Black Wind howls...

#13 Cable77


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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:31 AM

Thanks for the kind words, I really did try to make the peace talks work. But, in the end, it was Posted Image

#14 Magister Agricolarum

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:32 AM

A note to Illuminati: Don't let Terry Howard take you down with him. Surrender so you can avoid eternal war.

And I endorse this. ^ ^

Also, all the props in the world for Cable; I, for one, am not someone to willingly headbutt a brick wall as much as he did in trying to get Illuminati terms.
Bottom line: stonewalling peace negotiations is a bad idea.

(And no, I will not facepalm to this announcement; my face still hurts from all of the times I did it while observing negotiations.)

Edit for a bit more clarity.

Edited by Magister Agricolarum, 13 March 2008 - 06:32 AM.

#15 He Who Has No Name

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:41 AM

I'll definitely be the last one to say he handled that remotely well.
Should have included something in there about using something resembling proper punctuation and grammar as well.

That said...

...I would suggest you guys stop and think long and hard about continuing to insist on viceroyship. You or any alliance, actually.

That practice should have been totally stamped out across the globe long, long ago by the great Kevin. It's truly terrifying to see alliances--otherwise honorable, respectable alliances chock full of very smart people--continue to put themselves at risk by pressing for viceroys, considering the consequences that could befall them at the hands of Sajuuk.

OOC: ...because it's real-life illegal, or at very minimum a significant civil liability risk. I can start an OWF thread about why if you want.

Edited by He Who Has No Name, 13 March 2008 - 07:03 AM.

#16 Big Z

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:50 AM

I must applaud Cable for his best efforts during the peace attempt. His patience lasted far longer than mine did and it's telling how much effort Cable poured into this yet Terry continued to rebuff him from all angles.

#17 Tron Paul

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:52 AM

It looks like they should rename the alliance ZIlluminati.

#18 Morey 2k7

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 06:56 AM

Poor show Illuminati and mainly Terry, peace terms were given to you which you would of easily been able to reach, yet you throw them back and then throw insults at the same time.

#19 Wes Walz Pants

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 07:10 AM

This guide has convinced me to surrender to Anu.

Good stuff, NATO. :awesome:

#20 Van Hoo II

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Posted 13 March 2008 - 07:13 AM

As someone who took part in this process, I would like to personally congratulate Terry Howard for wasting the time of several alliance leaders who obviously cared more about his alliance's survival than he did.

And Viceroy Hoo sounded so cool too. :(

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