BloodFury Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 In a dark lit bunker deep within Bear Force One territory, the clinking of a typewriter can be heard echoing over the sounds of bombs going off outside. Sitting in a lone room is the dashing Major Fairy, aka Wannabe Chuck Norris, aka El Presidente, Lobster. Taking a moment to review his notes, he scans over them before dictating to himself while typing. "It is Penetration Day +4. I have taken a small break from commanding the forces on my front of the battle to write this document, our memoirs. Our forces have dished out twice the damage than they have received, and our ranks have swelled with new recruits. While we are strong and determined in our mission, one of justice and revenge, we know deep down in our hearts that eventually our brave soldiers fighting and dying on the front will be overwhelmed. Eventually our radio towers will be brought down and we will be cut off from each other, surrounded. But we do not have fear of this, for we have trained carrier pigeons in the months that brought us up to this point for just such an occasion. My personal favorites name is Pudding. I have high hopes that she will live through this war, and go onto a peaceful place after all the dust is settled. It would be a grave lose to all pigeon kind of she were to die doing her mission." Leans back from the typewriter and lights a cigarette. He thinks back on all the friends they have lost over time, gone from this world, never to return. He knows that we are fighting this fight for them. He crouches back over the typewriter and begins to type again. "While we are doing our part to finally exterminate the Polar Bear, which is an endangered species, we have found ourselves watching as these cowards have begun to throw wave after wave of penguins at us. They are a curious species the penguin, they move fast while sliding down the ice, and can navigate the waters with an elegant grace that surpasses us simple humans. But it seems someone forgot to tell them that it was summer, and we have watched them hit our beaches and lose all momentum. They waddle en mass into our machine gun fire and fall in great droves. I think tonight, we are going to send people out to gather up some of the dead so we can have a feast, and make ourselves some penguin skin hats to wear." Taking a quick drag of his cigarette, he puts it out in the ash tray next to him before resuming the tip tapping of keys on the typewriter. "They will soon realize that it will take more than what they have thrown at us, and will throw at us to defeat us. Among our ranks are the Sunny Side King, glorious flipper of the pan to create us our morning eggs. When cornered, he can become quite dangerous with his cooking pan. We have Weenie, who doesn't liked to be called small. He can get very angry, and when he does he turns into a purple monster that grows from his normal five foot four inches, to five foot four and a half inches(the color change is largely because he stops breathing, and the height change is from standing on his tippy toes.) The next on our line up is Stewie, the megalomaniac genius with a football shaped head. Despite all his best attempts to deny so, I still strongly believe that he is a Welshman. There just isn't enough evidence to prove other wise. We also have Boogeyman. He is the master of a unique martial arts style called trout slapping. He adorns his soldiers in shirts of pugs, and often has sitting on his lap a pug with a wig on his head. When caught in one on one combat, he will not be afraid to use his trout's to slap you silly. The next on our team is someone Nobody would Expect. We have the entire Spanish Inquisition on our side. Among their weapons are such elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and almost fanatical devotion to the pope. They also have nice red uniforms. We also have a young lad named Hatchet Harry, he means good, but more times than not, he ends up hitting his own allies with his plastic hatchets that he throws around like an angry child. Resuming our roster, we also have Trigar, who thinks he is a "SuPah1337KiLLah". We are unsure what exactly that is as we are not well versed in this language that he uses from time to time, but we are almost positive that it is a made up language by him so he can confuse his enemies. An oddity that we have acquired is Lord Caparo. He is a former Formula One driver turned revolutionary after a serious accident on the race track where he killed an innocent turtle. He is forever haunted by this day. Last but not least, we have Micheal Malone and alterego. All we know of these two is that Michael Malone lives in a world created in his own mind called Malonia, and that alterego has taken up residence in a swamp, which is a similar habit that an ogre would do." Squinting his eyes he looked over the paper to make sure everything was in order. He scanned the page slowly as to catch any mistakes he might have made. Satisfied with his work he resumed. "I know my name will be lost to history so it will be quite alright to omit myself from this document." "So as Operation Penetration continues we remain resolute in our mission. Our men stand fast, hard and at attention, fully lubed, and ready to go as we begin to draw near to Operation Penetration Day +5." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ascended Dio Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D34th Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) tl:dr "We are attention whores." Edited August 5, 2013 by D34th Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trout Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Wonderful announcement! o7 tl:dr "We are attention whores." You're a fucking moron. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Kiloist Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 tl:dr "We are attention whores." Hmm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernkastel Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 That was a wonderful read and would most certainly read it again. I like you guys. Hope you are having fun, something I wish I was having. :< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoadRash Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Could you get sunny out of the kitchen and get him back onto the field of battle I'm getting really bored Playing with myself ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malik Shabazz Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 tl:dr "We are attention whores." I'd rather have this than the usual boredom and status quo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fallen Fool Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) Wonderful announcement! o7 You're a fucking moron. What precisely are they announcing? That's it's been four days since they attacked us? Anyone with a calendar already knows that. Edited August 5, 2013 by Fallen Fool Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neo Uruk Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) Well, it's better than the average Fark announcement (though they at least didn't use "erection" in one of the recent ones) Could you get sunny out of the kitchen and get him back onto the field of battle I'm getting really bored Playing with myself ;)Don't rub it raw, buddy. Play with a partner. Edited August 5, 2013 by Neo Uruk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOLO SWAG Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 That was a wonderful read and would most certainly read it again. I like you guys. Hope you are having fun, something I wish I was having. :< Quiet you! back to work! tl:dr "We are attention whores." Really? This is the most entertaining thing that has happened in a while. For that alone we should all be thanking BloodFury and the rest of Bear Force One. [i]Boys, boys, boys.[/i] #YOLON Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmightyGrub Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Well done Pudding, well done. Now back to getting nuked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trout Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 What precisely are they announcing? That's it's been four days since they attacked us? Anyone with a calendar already knows that. buy y u mad tho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoadRash Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) [image removed] I just found Sunny He was with Nick,Dubh and Zukalop I hope u have someone else to make your breakfast Edited August 8, 2013 by Blake Griffinin Mod edit: Graphic image removed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dajobo Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 I don't get all the negative comments :(That was a good read and I hope you keep producing them! To prove I mean it I hereby issue the following Imperial Decree...All Polars please do not shoot Pudding. When the time is right we will steal Pudding to give Brian someone to tease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pacific Fleet Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Meh not gonna lie, it was a good read... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Havok Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Well, it's better than the average Fark announcement (though they at least didn't use "erection" in one of the recent ones)Don't rub it raw, buddy. Play with a partner. I don't normally agree with you but yes the FARK "erection" thing is just plain horrible and funny to 11 year olds.......maybe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zacharias Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 People complain how systematic and boring CN is, but when abnormal and crazy stuff happens almost everyone complains. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D34th Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Wonderful announcement! o7 You're a fucking moron. You sound mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trout Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 You sound mad. I've got horrible gas, of course I'm mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Ilyani Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 (edited) Oh god, we're not even a page in and this thread has already become an awful trainwreck of poor posting. EDIT: Of course this was the post that started page 2, it just had to be Edited August 5, 2013 by Bob Ilyani Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sounion Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 hahaha nice bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Wally Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Damn you Polar getting all the best XP generals before the rest of us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enderland Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 I think tonight, we are going to send people out to gather up some of the dead so we can have a feast, and make ourselves some penguin skin hats to wear Foreshadowing events to come? Or just clever wording? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Williambonney Posted August 5, 2013 Report Share Posted August 5, 2013 Lack of surrender terms. Polar must be really scared by this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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