Jump to content






Photo
- - - - -

My Personal Rules for Drinking

Posted by ChairmanHal , 20 March 2012 · 237 views

1. Drink because you want it, not because you need it.
2. Bent over a toilet isn't "fun", slow down before you get there, figure out what went wrong if you do, don't repeat.
3. Work hard, then play hard. Earn the booze.
4. Be cool. Violent, passed out, mouthy, and stupid aren't cool.
5. Never drink alone.
6. Courage and self confidence can't be stored in a bottle.
7. The state is the last entity that should set a minimum drinking age--any organization that will allow you to carry an automatic rifle for the purpose of killing people, drive a million dollar armored vehicle, legally own property, vote in elections, participate in triple penetration hard core porn movies as an "actor", be convicted as an adult of all crimes, and make a million other adult decisions because you are "mature enough to take on the responsibility" yet won't allow you to legally buy a light beer has a very weird sense of priorities, most misplaced. All that said, if you are underage, be discrete, don't over indulge and don't be the one that prohibitionists and other nanny staters point to as a reason for not lowering the drinking age.
8. No one likes to drink with a mooch. If you can't afford even to pick up the tab next time, switch to ice water.
9. Some people find it impossible to keep the above rules. They shouldn't drink.
10. Deliberately enticing or tricking someone into violating the above rules is evil. Don't be evil.




Photo
flak attack
Mar 20 2012 08:49 AM
While yours are good, I find that all drinking rules can be simplified down to two:
1) Don't be stupid
2) Don't drink with stupid people
My personal drinking rules:

1. Drink lots and often.
1. Drink because you want it, not because you need it. - Besides while in college, yeah
2. Bent over a toilet isn't "fun", slow down before you get there, figure out what went wrong if you do, don't repeat. - Yeah people should figure this out back in highschool
3. Work hard, then play hard. Earn the booze. - What does this even mean
4. Be cool. Violent, passed out, mouthy, and stupid aren't cool. - Passed out isn't cool but is funny at your expense, and I'm just going to have to disagree with the rest of that statement.
5. Never drink alone. - Of course.
6. Courage and self confidence can't be stored in a bottle. - Completely, wholeheartedly disagree. It's called "liquid encouragement" for a reason.
There's nothing wrong with drinking alone.
Photo
Melancholy Culkin
Mar 20 2012 12:11 PM
I had some good ole' buddies, names of whisky and wine,
and for my good ole' buddies, I spend my last dime.
Now wine is good for me, it helps me pass the time,
and my good ole' buddy whisky keeps me warmer than sunshine.
Photo
ChairmanHal
Mar 20 2012 12:26 PM

1. Drink because you want it, not because you need it. - Besides while in college, yeah


Nah man, if you find yourself at the Altar of the White Porcelain God, presenting offering, you've done something wrong. Didn't eat enough before drinking, forgot to eat, played "Quarters" for the first time, tried to impress your dorm mates by shotgunning 6 pack, the list is long. If you've ever found yourself at worship and ask the WPG to take your life and spare you from further pain (uttered the phrase, "oh God I wish I would die...") then you've done something really, really wrong and attempted to drink a 24 pack of cheap beer in one sitting. Not that I've done that... *cough*

2. Bent over a toilet isn't "fun", slow down before you get there, figure out what went wrong if you do, don't repeat. - Yeah people should figure this out back in highschool


The total amount of booze I consumed before college amounted to a bit wine once with Thanksgiving dinner, part of a stale beer, and a few shots. I got buzzed while drinking the few shots. My dad was very strict about having booze in the house, as in forget it, it ain't happening. Going out after the game? Ain't happening, "I know what goes on." When I got to college I set out to prove I could go out, drink, have fun, and not get into trouble. I did just fine. My kids (if I have any) will be taught that booze isn't a magic elixir, not the fruit of the Devil, but should be respected and while they might get a taste of it now and again, 16 and drunk is no way to be. Are there 16 year olds that can handle their booze just fine? Sure. But the vast majority of 16 year olds I met think getting a friend to hurl is "cool", so long as it isn't inside their mom's minivan. Nope.

3. Work hard, then play hard. Earn the booze. - What does this even mean


If getting drunk takes priority over turning in your term paper on time, then your priorities are incorrect.

4. Be cool. Violent, passed out, mouthy, and stupid aren't cool. - Passed out isn't cool but is funny at your expense, and I'm just going to have to disagree with the rest of that statement.


I've known violent drunks, I've known people who get a beer in them and think they can give the world "what for". They have a bad habit of writing checks that entail you having the rescue their ass from it getting badly beaten or from embarrassing themselves and you along with them and it ruins the evening. They simply shouldn't drink. Passed out...well you don't have to cruise Google image search to find out why if you are subject to passing out, you should moderate or skip the beer. I'll not even talk about all the odd incidents that I've heard about over the year involving people waking in a strange house or with no recollection where they left their car...or who is sleeping beside them on the couch.

5. Never drink alone. - Of course.


Simply put, drinking is a social activity. People who drink alone are far more likely to be alcoholics.

6. Courage and self confidence can't be stored in a bottle. - Completely, wholeheartedly disagree. It's called "liquid encouragement" for a reason.


Right, which suppresses other key things you need like judgment and inhibition from doing crazy/stupid/ill-advised stuff, like a frontal assault on a cannon. General Ulysses S. Grant, notorious hard drinking general who rose to command all Union forces during the American Civil War was always stone sober on the day of battle. He did most all his drinking during the down time between campaigns when things could get very, very boring in camp.

Though in this case it's the reason why you are drinking...you *need* a drink to carry forward. That violates Rule #1.
I personally don't drink. But if everyone followed these rules, there'd be nothing wrong with alcohol. Enjoy it, but don't let it mess up your life.

I think 6 is quite an important rule; similar to smoking, it's the thing that pushes you into addiction, and it's one of those things that keep your from stopping. You can drink to loosen up. But don't fool yourself into thinking that people won't like you/you won't get laid without alcohol.

There's nothing wrong with drinking alone.

While there isn't really anything wrong with drinking alone, the booze taste much better when drinking with good friends. Also drink to much by yourself and you might find a bottle of alcohol to be your best friend, which isn't something you want to have happen.
5 & 8 I'm down with. My number 1 would be "Don't drink unless you're ready to drink."

There's nothing wrong with drinking alone.

While there isn't really anything wrong with drinking alone, the booze taste much better when drinking with good friends. Also drink to much by yourself and you might find a bottle of alcohol to be your best friend, which isn't something you want to have happen.


Oh, definitely, drinking with people is awesome. Thing is, most of the time the people who say drinking alone leads to abuse are the same people who spend every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night in front of the toilet because that bud light lime was just too good to pass up. There's something awesome about coming home from a long day, kicking back with a drink and watching something funny on TV that these people are missing out on. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that's a much more responsible use of alcohol than getting wasted with a few buddies playing some stupid drinking game.

There's nothing wrong with drinking alone.

While there isn't really anything wrong with drinking alone, the booze taste much better when drinking with good friends. Also drink to much by yourself and you might find a bottle of alcohol to be your best friend, which isn't something you want to have happen.

Oh, definitely, drinking with people is awesome. Thing is, most of the time the people who say drinking alone leads to abuse are the same people who spend every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night in front of the toilet because that bud light lime was just too good to pass up. There's something awesome about coming home from a long day, kicking back with a drink and watching something funny on TV that these people are missing out on. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that's a much more responsible use of alcohol than getting wasted with a few buddies playing some stupid drinking game.


That's what we Thursday, Friday, and Saturday people do on Sunday and Wednesday.
Photo
Merrie Melodies
Mar 22 2012 11:43 PM
Drinking brings the sleep. On those nights you need to drink until you pass out in order to have peace it really is best to do it alone.

Other than that, good rules for the school kiddies I guess.
Photo
Schattenmann
Mar 23 2012 12:28 PM
I have to highly disagree with #7 for reasons that don't really fit into the "things I'm going to talk about in public" category. No limit made sense in the era before the modern idea of childhood, 18 made sense when more 18-year-olds had full-time jobs and families than not, and 21 makes sense now.
-any organization that will allow you to carry an automatic rifle for the purpose of killing people, drive a million dollar armored vehicle
While it's true that stateside they have to follow the state age where the base is located, military personnel in foreign bases or in bases within 50 miles of Canada or Mexico can drink at 18. The branches that are more strict do so of their own volition and if the Air Force, Marines, Navy, and Army are all allowed to let 18-yr-olds drink, but they all agree that 18 is too low, then what does ChairmanHal have to add to it?
-participate in triple penetration hard core porn movies as an "actor"
Child pornography was produced above-board by commercial studios in America and Europe well into the 1980s; just because a 12-year-old could be in a porno 25 years ago doesn't mean it was right. Just because an 18 year old could legally drink 25 years ago doesn't mean it was right.
-legally own property, vote in elections, be convicted as an adult of all crimes, and make a million other adult decisions because you are "mature enough to take on the responsibility"
We know that the human brain has not fully matured until the early 20s, particularly in impulse control. If anything, all of those ages could be raised. Times change.
I have two rules for drinking.

1. Never ever drink to excess.
2. Know why you're drinking. If it's just to alter mood, don't do it.

When I do drink, it's usually a light fruit wine and either alone or in the company of my housemates after work. I have been drinking since I was well below the legal age and can handle alcohol okay, however, most 16-year olds can't. And to be honest, if you're below the legal age and drinking sensibly, you won't get picked up. It's there to catch the people that are stupid.
Photo
Laslo Kenez
Mar 26 2012 04:12 AM
5 should be a bit less definite, and more about drinking on your own to excess. Alcohol isn't anything like a menace in moderation, and there's no harm to someone enjoying some nice wine on their own with dinner.
Photo
Buzz Lightyear
Mar 26 2012 07:59 PM
i disagree with rules 5 and 6. I drink alone depending on the time of day and day of the week because of my work schedule and a couple of beers can make you very courageous. ive seen great (in my eyes) and hilarious things come from liquid courage. lol. dont spoil my fun
Photo
commander thrawn
Mar 27 2012 01:35 AM
I agree with the:

Don't be stupid
Don't drink with stupid people, rules.

That said a little bit of stupidity is fun from time to time, and that is what Long Island Iced Tea is for.
Drinking rules/procedure:

1. Open bottle.

2. Drink.

3. Don't stop until all $%&@ed up or achieving momentary respite from crushing existential anxiety and despair.

4. Keep going (don't stop, you !@#$%).

5. Blast music and/or exit dwelling.

6. Find bar/some porch/get on IRC/CN forums.

7. Engage in blurry pseudo-philosophical conversation/conduct rogue diplomacy/insult random people.

8. Fight.

9. ???

10. Profit

December 2014

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21 222324252627
28293031   

Recent Comments

Categories