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Greetings fellow disciples of the Holy Cactuar, neutrals, and heretics. Today I bring you tidings of the latest government in the Random Insanity Alliance, the only alliance that offers equal citizenship to all llamas! As you can see above our government has indeed changed as of last night. The most glaring change is the addition is Hyperonic as part of the Triumvirate and Ogaden as Head of Economics. Ogaden decided to step back and take a temporary leave from his role as Triumvir to once again become our Head of Economics due to feeling he lacked the time to fully execute his duties. We are happy he has chosen to remain in government instead of completely taking a break. I would like to thank Ogaden for his service as Triumvir for which he first started in October 2012. May he continue to improve and automate our economy via the awesomeness that is RI5. Taking his place as a part of the newly formed Triumvirate XI is Hyperonic. Hyperonic a.k.a. Kenny a.k.a Jeff Goldblum has been a member of the RIA since near our very beginnings and has served as our webmaster for a majority of that time as well. Thus since he has been able to see all our government discussions anyways we figured he makes a good fit. He fought in a bitter and heated election against Arsenal 10 and came out on top by a single vote. May Cactuar help us all. We would also like to welcome Biff Webster back into government as our Head of Foreign Affairs. He comes into the seat after a two month vacancy where we just wandered aimlessly without any foreign affairs. May Biff help guide us through and into many sexy affairs. Remaining in the Cabinet for another term is Croix as Head of Internal Affairs and hackerhog as Head of Recruitment. We hope they continue to perform and serve with excellency. The final cabinet position of Head of Military Operations has been taken over by Vacant after his last stint as Head of Foreign Affairs. He will remain in charge for a short time until we finish choosing a replacement. The replacement will likely be chosen through a duel to the death between some names we draw from a hat. At least that seems like the fairest method. ...and last but not least we would like to welcome Leo back as the 42nd Captain Planet. May he continue to bring pollution down to zero in the RIA. [hr] [hr] Llama Update [hr] At this moment, I would like to recognize the RIA forums, an intergral part of the RIA family! The current RIA forums have been around since April 2007 and have continued to serve the RIA well as a home that many of us love. over the years they have accrued over 350,000 posts, over 28000 topics and over 5.6 million total page views as seen below. Next we can see the most posted in and most viewed topics in the RIA. These let you get a glimpse into the mind of the RIA and what we all truly care about. ...and last but not least you can see that in a surprise upset, the members-only RIA HQ has recently passed the public social board RI as the most posted in board. Will RI catch back up? Only time will tell. [hr] Now we would like to recognize the following alliances for maintaining awesome embassies on our boards: 1. The Independent Republic of Orange Nations! At 3441 posts in 82 topics we have discussed much serious business together! 2. The New Polar Order! At 1549 posts in 76 topics we have discussed how to cause much global instability together! 3. The New Pacific Order! At 1507 posts in 60 topics they are right on the heels of their former Polar brothers. We have discussed many plans for global domination together over the years! 4. The Coalition of Royal Allied Powers! At 1396 Posts in 64 Topics we have done much plotting together! 5. The Nuclear Proliferation League! At 1228 posts in 19 topics we have done much nuclear development together! and apparently like to keep it all in the same topics instead of making new ones like the others! Honorable Mention. The New Sith Order! At 666 posts in 19 topics they are living up to their claim to the dark side! [hr] Continuing with these silly recognitions, I would like to thank the following alliances who have assisted with our growth over the past government term (February-March) 1. Random Insanity Alliance! In the past two months, our number one foreign aid partner has been other RIAers. RIAers have sent approximately $1,446,000,100.00 and 17,100 tech between each other. May we continue to help each other grow and survive! 2. R&R! Coming in second place is our sexy friends in R&R. In the past two months RIA and R&R have traded approximately $264,000,000.00 and 6,900 tech. May we both continue to grow and prosper together! 3. Nuclear Proliferation League & Coalition of Royal Allied Powers Tieing for third place is our radioactive friends in NPL and our crappy friends in the Coalition of Royal Allied Powers. In the past two months RIA and NPL have traded approximately $84,000,000.00 and 1,500 tech while RIA and CRAP have traded approximately $72,000,000.00 and 2,399 tech! <3 you guys. This list is nearly identical to the last one so thanks to our lovely friends above for consistently choosing RIA for your tech trading and aiding needs. :) [hr] Our Door is Always Open The Random Insanity Alliance welcomes any and all who wishes to join her ranks. Our only requirement is you accept Cactuar as your lord and savior. Cactuar forgives all past sins and all you must do is devote yourself to him. Stop by http://rialliance.net if your interested. ]We also welcome any and all foreign dignitaries to stop by at http://rialliance.net to discuss the importance of waffles and how to best cause global instability. Thank you and good night.
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Hello all, this is Shadow reporting live from the Maroon House, here at RIA headquarters. In a shocking turn of events, the Government of the Random Insanity Alliance has shut down tonight after a drawn out battle in the Cabinet. The Chillaxin Party, led by Hyperonic "Kenny" The Taste, and the RI5 Party, led by Ogaden "Skynet" Dahl, could not come to agreement over the correct type of waffles to serve at the inauguration of the new government. The Chillaxin Party, citing the recently passed Affordable Waffle Act of 2013, argued that blueberry waffles should be made available to all the citizens. The RI5 Party, however, rebuked this statement by saying that Chocolate Chip Waffles would be a much better choice. Due to the shutdown, all essential personnel have been put on unpaid leave and will not receive their back payments of cupcakes until the shutdown ends. All unessential personnel, however, were ordered to continue working to maintain order in the alliance. It is feared that the Random Insanity Alliance's Strategic Sea Kitten Reserve will start to run low after a couple of days due to the increased demand during the Holy Festival of the Funk being held this week. RIAers on both sides of the aisle quickly began to blame the other party for the shutdown. Others, however, seem unconcerned and when asked of their thoughts they simply replied "Not like they do anything anyways." This statement prompted many cheers and nodding of the heads. Prior to the shutdown, the following individuals were set to be announced winner at the inauguration: In a shocking election for Triumvir, none of the candidates - Captain James Tiberius Kirk, Captain Jean-Luc Picard nor Ogaden - won the vote with voters instead selecting "anarchy" as the top contender for the Triumvir seat. In all the confusion that followed the election, it appears Ogaden killed the vote counter and declared himself winner. Triumvir: Ogaden For our recruitment, we saw voters choose Colombian Kidnappers as the victor, winning over Biff and Kelis' Milkshake. The Colombian Kidnappers decided to make Biff their desciple and teach him all about the proper ways to 'recruit'. We welcome the former Cultist and hope he can use his experience to kidnap and indoctrinate a few members. Head of Recruitment: Biff Webster In another strange election, we see biofantic remaining Head of Economics after beating out Princess Celly and coming into a tie with RI5. RI5 mysteriously let biofantic take up the post though it appears it may have implanted some sort of chip in his head. We assume it is now controlling his thoughts. Head of Economics: biofantic For the Head of the Military, we saw llamavore come ahead of George S Patton and a giant robot in a surprise election victory. His first act was to rename the position Head of Mothing Operations. Head of Militaryothing Operations: llamavore For Head of Internal Affairs, RI5 won once again prompting calls of vote rigging due to it being in two elections at the same time. Dissent was quickly dealt with by supplying more tech deals driving up RI5's approval rating once again. RI5 appears to have appointed Croix - the second place contender - to the position to follow its orders. Head of Internal Affairs: Croix In a extremely close match, Jenne came out ahead of Leo by a single vote. He did however, tie with the Hypnotoad so we are unable to confirm if he will be acting of his own will throughout the term. Head of Foreign Affairs: Jenne One of the most noticeable casualties of the shutdown was the firing of Captain Planet, leaving the RIA without a Captain Planet. Many have called for Meatkin Pie - the RIA's most popular former Captain Planet - to return to the position in the interim. The full government that is 'working' to end the shutdown will be: Triumvirate: Shadow, im317, Ogaden Head of Recruitment: Biff Webster Head of Economics: biofantic Head of Militaryothing Operations: llamavore Head of Internal Affairs: Croix Head of Foreign Affairs: Jenne An unnamed government member, when asked about the shutdown had this to say: "Sounds like a good time for a vacation. Whats the worse that could happen? We let everyone pretty much do what they want anyway". The approval rating for Unnamed Government Member shot up above 80% after this statement. Some see him as the next major contender for Captain Planet and key to stopping the shutdown. Thank you all for tuning into the Cactuar Evening News. We hope to give you updates on the shutdown over the coming days, please continue to tune in. tl;dr Moth
