School Daze
Entry posted by Ashoka the Great
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Oh the first day of school. Truly it is something every parent enjoys, as it brings eight or nine weeks of having to entertain the kids every damn day to a close.
For ten wonderful months, they're someone else's problem for six hours a day, Monday to Friday.
Ahhhhhhhhhh....just feel that stress going away.
Of course, a return to school also means that one is subjected to well-meaning stupidity on the part of one's Board of Education, school principal or teacher. Sometimes it's hard to figure out who is responsible for which moronic idea.
Anyway, I now present a list of rules that have been added for 2011-2012.
We all know that many schools ban peanut products, owing to the one-in-a-million chance that a kid with a peanut allergy will shake hands with another student immediately after the second pupil has been wrist-deep in a jar of Jif.
I don't want there to be any misunderstanding here. I understand that peanut allergies can be serious. I also know that during my entire school career a grand total of zero children experienced an anaphylactic reaction to peanut products. If kids can't learn what not to touch, let natural selection sort it out. My God....my friends and I used to play with lawn darts and rode bikes without helmets, and we're all still here and free of non-alcohol-related cognitive impairment.
However, in my district the school board only enforces its anti-peanut policy until high school. After that, kids are on their own. I'm not sure what happens to children between the June of Grade 8 and the September of Grade 9, but apparently they get some kind of instruction with respect to preventing allergic reactions. Beats me who gives it to them.
Our local elementary school has decided to become hyper-vigilant, however. All nut products of any kind are now banned, as are sunflower seeds and other various kinds of food suitable for birds and/or squirrels.
Also, the school is banning bake sales. At first I thought this was because of some liability issue dreamed up by government lawyers. Kid brings 'bad' food to school, dozens die, school board is sued for millions and so on.
But no.
Bake sales make children fat. That's the logic. Never mind that bake sales at my younger son's school have always been a small part of a much larger multi-ethnic evening of homemade food representing many different countries and cultures. Those are out, too, illustrating that 'throwing the baby out with the bathwater' really isn't an antiquated saying.
The problem here is that this multi-cultural evening of food (and yes, a *gasp* bake sale) was a fundraising project used to offset the three-day trip Grade 8 students take during their last month of elementary school. Last year, for example, my daughter went to Montreal. She had a great time, and it was a nice way for her to spend time with people she wasn't going to see again, since different kids go to different schools, people move, and so on.
Fortunately, this is an easy thing to fix.
The Grade 8 trip is cancelled.
Instead, kids will be taken on a couple of day trips to local attractions like the zoo. (What will actually happen: With their parents' permission, they'll stay home and watch TV.)
Yippee.
And then there are things that are just....there. Aggravating things with no purpose whatsoever.
My youngest son is now in Grade 1. His class is near the back of the school. At lunch yesterday, I waited for him by the door near his class. (I'm smart like that.) After several minutes I ventured about fifteen feet inside the school and saw his teacher, who informed me that at lunch he would be leaving by the door at the front of the school, near the Office.
OK. Whatever.
The school day ends and I'm waiting at the door near the Office. The Secretary -- who knows me by sight -- asks what I'm doing there, and I explain that this is where my son came out at lunchtime.
You can probably figure out where this is going.
At lunch he must leave the school by the door near the Office, where there are no parents and no supervision of any kind. Meanwhile, on the other side of the school there's usually a group of 10-20 parents of kindergarten kids -- most of whom know my son -- and, once the bell goes, there's a teacher there to make sure the kids don't play games like 'New Kid Eats Asphalt' and other sadistic favorites.
However....
After school he must leave by the door nearest his class, where there are very few parents and no supervision of any kind. The teachers who haven't jumped in their cars and sped off are helping children get onto the buses, which park near the door by....that's right....the goddamn Office.
And so I rub my temples and await the next annoyance, knowing that it's probably not too far away.
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